[RachelsDream]

Hi everyone.....

Need advice from women out there.......Will try to make this short and sweet.

Do any of you ever feel "unattractive" around your husbands? Do you ever feel self-conscience around them? Do you ever feel like you spend most of your time dressing to impress him, or changing your look for him to the point of losing yourself?

I ask this because it seems like I constantly jump through hoops to please him. Probably self inflicted hoops...but still. He tells me I am beautiful but we have had frank discussions (light hearted) in the past...and I KNOW he prefers redheads(I am a brunette) He prefers tall women...I am petite. And the list goes on..........

I am 44, look 30ish...for that I am grateful. But he is the only person I care about how I look, and want him to truly believe that I am beautiful physically. I know I will age, and aging as I am writing this.....But, how do you handle feeling secure around him? I trust him, and he is not a "looker"...he values relationships and monogamy. But, when does a healthy "wanting to look good" for your husband becomes a unhealthy "chase your own tail thing'?

Wondering in Houston..................

[QueenAngie]

You are a beautiful woman!

Does not matter your age, size of dress, size of bra, or size of shoe.

Sounds like there is some insecurity going on and you need to be comfortable in your own skin.

Many ladies are much more beautiful at 44,
than at age 21. This is due to wisdom,
humor, intellect, and more.

You are a very beautiful 44 yo!

[mrmnmom82]

I agree with Queen Angie, you need to feel good about yourself. That is sexy. My husband gets uncomfortable and put off when criticize my apperance. When I dress up, just as much for myself as I do for him, that gets his attention. Because I'm feeling pretty and confident. The only time I try to dress to impress him is preping for a date, other wise, it's so I can feel good about me.

I would suggest you try and change your mind set. Wear what YOU like. Do your hair how YOU like it. He will like it, because you will be happier.

[RachelsDream]

Thanks guys for the great advice! You have helped me stand a little taller!

I have heard that older women can be very attractive because of their comfort level...and just they feel better about themselves. I guess like we all have,.....we had the experiences where in dating that were either positive or negative. And the negative seems to rear it's ugly head...even after years. lol

But, also...I think inner beauty ...their is something that seems to radiate to the outside.
And I guess trying to compete with what "cup" size I am, etc.....Will only prove to end up bad.

I will also try going back to the things I like.......I miss that. I love "girly" dresses.....he likes jeans, and tennis shoes. Nothing wrong with that...I think that can be cute too....But I do miss just being "me".

Thank you again guys(girls) for giving me a much needed boost!

Rachel

[vanaden]

I do feel unattractive at times in front of my husband! I am pregnant with my 3rd child so my stretch marks draw a road map on my body I actually walked backwards in my underwear away from him so he wouldn't see my jiggly fanny the other day
It's normal and wonderful to want to please your husband . But don't do it so far as you are selling yourself short and giving up who you are. I find in my husband, he is more attractive to confidence and me being me. The me he fell in love with!

[Possibility_girl]

i agree with everyone, there are days i lookin the mirror and see an older woman, although im only 40, but that is just me feeling insecure, you have to feel beautiful with in yourself for your husband or others to find you beautiful. I had a high school friend. she was my best friend, she was a bit over weight, plain, but the boys were attacted to her, not because she was easy or anything like that, but she dressed beautifully and was extremly self confident, and that was sexy.

I find when i dress nice i doo feel better and it will show through,

but yes, if you are jumping thruogh hoops and chaising your tail, you need to think about it and talk. he must love you for you,

[flowergardengirl]

It is hurtful to think you aren't the perfect 10 for your husband. That can plant a seed of bitterness if you aren't careful. It will cause arguments and pull you apart.
Men are physically attracted to many women in all shapes and sizes. If you sat a bunch of men down in a room away from their wives, the honest ones would imagine their perfect babe. Just like if you were describing attributes you like in a man. You aren't describing a specific man--just good attributes. Men don't say--well I'd like to go out with a specific girl, they just describe that energy they feel thinking about it.
You are competing with a ghost. If you were a red head and everything your husband says he likes in a woman but it wasn't you----it still might not work. I've seen plenty men divorce their ideal woman.
You are asking him the wrong question and he's answering like a typical man. You set yourself up for failure unknowingly. Most women do.
You should dress to please him and you. Next time you feel like getting some good self esteem boosting responses, ask the right questions. We wives want attentive husbands who make us feel good but we sure make it hard on him. If you told him you like red headed men, he'd probably forget about it tomorrow. Men are responsive with their actions. They thrive on the here and now. He won't dwell on it like you do. He will however bring back to memory what you talk about the most. You need to be talking about the good things in your marriage and putting attractive thoughts about you in his head.
Next time, ask him:
Honey, What is your favorite thing I do when we are passionate with each other. ( If you aren't doing anything that gives him a mental list in his head then now is a good time to start)
Honey, let's go pick out some perfume together. Do I have one that you prefer?
Honey, I like how womanly you make me feel when we are together. How does it make you feel when we are at our best in the marriage?
Ok, you have taught yourself how to get a negative response and beat yourself up. Now teach yourself how to ask and get a positive response and put positive thoughts of you in your husband's head. You could be anyone and use this technique and your husband will feed off of your leads. A wife can sometimes be her worst enemy when she keeps repeating the negatives and enforcing them.
Good luck with this. It works for me and I just turned 50, been married 30 years, two kids, and every day my marriage gets better. I'm a size 14 but in his mind I've placed wonderful thoughts of just how good that 14 can look!

[chio88]

If you feel beauty is within you...you'll exude beauty. Then you wouldn't have to worry what your husband will say because in you, you are already beautiful. and that's what really matters.

[jmmv08]

You're right. Try going back to the things you like and to feel good about yourself is the most important. I'm sure he'll like it too.