[kashraasch]

Hello,
My ex husband is very unreasonable with me. He sends me all these medical bills, from which I need to pay him 65% of the medical cost, but yet he never informs me when kids are sick or even when take them to the hospital. He has been trying to turn them against me ever since we got divorce and he was very successful turning my oldest one so against me that at the age of 15 my son fought me tooth and nail to live with his father and finally after a fight between us in which he got hurt and I had to go through the court system, he got his wish. Even though the court gave me the children back and took back the charge, I gave my 15 year old son his wish. But after this my ex file for the custody of my other two kids and because of the incident and most of it I was tired of fighting the court I gave him the custody of other two children also. Now he completely controls the children, the younger ones are 12 and 15. they are not allowed to call me. They do not have long distance phone line so they can call me. They are not allowed to love me. If he finds out that they love me and try to give me a card or something they get in very big trouble. He would not speak to them, would not take them out for necessities. Wouldn't asked them for meals for not buy them clothes or nothing. He nevery speaks to me and hang up when I call. Is there is any hope?

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Sounds like things are really tough with your ex-husband
and his controlling behavior with the children.

Do you need to talk to your lawyer and go back to court?

I am not the best person to answer your questions, but I can get
a listening ear.

(((Hugs)))

[pattiewrites]

Get a good lawyer. This sounds emotionally abusive for both you and your children. Telling a child not to love his mother is absurd!

[angelaira1]

It would be advisable to set up some appointments and consult with some attorneys to find out what, if anything, you can do. My ex husband is very close to what you described, but I never gave him the chance to turn my son against me, my son is younger though, and we only have one. I have 100% custody for now because I refused to give in when my ex tried to gain control, and I wouldn't trade it. Your ex sounds like he was insecure and controlling during your marriage, and this is his revenge towards you. I wish you luck and hope you can find an attorney who can help. Consult with more than one, find someone who is a go-getter and who will be aggressive, not just some idiot. Not all attorneys are created equal.
Since your kids are older, they also have some say in court over where they want to live, so it would be a good idea to get some visitation and get those kids around you so they can see that maybe what they think of you isn't correct, that maybe they aren't being told the truth before you get to court and they say they don't want to live with you, just a thought.

[mcmama]

Sometimes teens play it both ways. So - they may be the ones who are putting you off, but blaming their dad. Hard to hear this, but as the custodial parent I have been there.

This is an enormous loss for you - my suggestion along with the above is to get counseling for yourself to heal the hurt. Sometimes the good things that come from that are that teens then want to be part of your good life.

My ex on visitation used to try to involve them in all sorts of secrets (like "leave your homework here and don't tell mom about it - I'm the homework parent - you can MAKE her stop by here on the way to school tomorrow")- and when this burdened them, he would say "where is your loyalty?" Kids really do not want this conflict, and if they perceive it is there they will gain control of it by manipulating it to what they think is their advantage.

[dcohime]

Record everything he says to you and what the kids tell you he says to them....it will be worth more than anything else when you go to court. If yoiu cannot get it on a recorder then write it all down and try to have someone else also hear what they say and note when and where you were and ever detail you can. Kids are all hard to raise in their teen years, give them time and keep loving them no matter what they say or do and keep calling, sending card and visit them, in time they will grow up and become adults who will see their Father for what he is.