[Wanderer]

I really don't know what to do about my wife's behavior lately. She seems to be getting more and more insecure about everything. A lot of her insecurity comes out as nagging and compulsive behavior. I have tried very hard to be a loving and supportive husband but, it's getting more and more difficult to deal with this. This morning I was so upset with something that she wrote last night that I drove to work at least 20 MPH over the speed limit. I always drive at the speed limit so this is very uncharacteristic of me.

I started to write an email to her to express how upset I am but, thought better of it. So here I am wondering how to deal with this.

[JeanLynn81]

You said "something that she wrote". Do you mean by email? And now you want to send her an email back, expressing your feelings about her email?

You know, communication is usually best done face to face. Just a crazy thought.

Best of luck to you!

[Wanderer]

I had a list of questions for my yearly checkup with my doctor and she decided to add weight gain to the list. It may not seem like much but she is constantly on me about it in little ways like this - even though I exercise heavily for 2 hours, 3 times per week. I know that I could lose a little weight but, nothing like the way she makes it out to be. I am in far better shape than 90% of people my age. This morning was just a final straw for me. I know it's childish but that's how I reacted.

Keep in mind this isn't the only thing going on. That's why I'm here. I'm trying to get some perspective on why she would start pushing in every arena - not just the weight. Here's another example: Last week we had a conversation about my putting in a new closet. I stated that I could do it but was concerned about another door nearby that is always open. She stated that she always closes it and I disagreed. Now, she goes out of her way to close every door in the house and point out when I don't.

Originally Posted by JeanLynn81

You said "something that she wrote". Do you mean by email? And now you want to send her an email back, expressing your feelings about her email?

You know, communication is usually best done face to face. Just a crazy thought.

Best of luck to you!

[MissyChrissy]

It might be time to involve an unbiased 3rd party-like a couples counselor.

[Possibility_girl]

Yes, sit down with her and tell her how you feel, try to do it not in attack mode. tell her that what she sais is hurtfull. A councellor may be a good idea though, because you really need to get to the reason why she is acting this way, if she dosnt know then she may see you as being too sensitive, when you are valid in your feelings. You can confront her, and you should, when an issue comes up and try to get her to tell you why she said what she said.

[Wanderer]

Thanks for your replies and support.

I will sit down with her but, I definitely want to calm down before I have any conversations so that I don't go into attack mode. The two examples that I gave don't look like much but, we have been arguing a lot lately over dumb stuff and it's wearing me down. When I see the things that she's picking fights about and compare them to things that I could choose to fight about (like the fact that we aren't having kids even though she said that she wanted them when we got married), it unnerves me even more.

Fortunately, she sees that something is wrong and seems to be giving me my space for a while. She knows that I will come around in a few days and I know that she is waiting for me to talk about it. We are usually a very loving couple and neither of us likes the current situation.

[Possibility_girl]

that is good that you want to talk and that she knows there is something wrong, Remember too, when you are talking to her , and you feel your voice rising , take a moment, leave the room for a minute, tell her you will be right back. calm down, and continue. dont blam her, or make her feel wrong, let her know that this is how you are feeling. you know she means well, if she didnt love you she would care how much you weighed. You are also correct in choosing your battles. and if she dosnt like how this is going she may be open to listiening and working on how she is acting twards you.

remember , just breath