[VinniesMommy]

This isn't really a vent, but I suppose it's a whine... I'm looking for some advice...

We moved into our house back in January, and we live on a nice street. It just so happens that my sisters in-laws live right across the street. My nephew used to be over there all the time, and most of the time would just come over whenever. That used to annoy me, but only slightly. I don't like getting "dropped in" on, and I always felt like I was his baby sitter. But it wasn't a big deal. But, my nephew is friends with the child that lives next door to his grandparents. A lot of the time, he would bring this kid with him (at this point I had never met/seen this kids parents). Then, my sister moved, so my nephew wasn't at my in-laws. But now this other child invites himself over. A lot. I can't walk out of my house, because if he sees someone out front, he comes over. Once and awhile I don't mind, most of the time they play well together. But I can't be out front with my kids without him inviting himself over, and I barely know him! As soon as he sees us out front, he asks his dad to come over, and without asking ME, the dad walks him over and goes back home!! For awhile it got REAL bad, he started knocking at our door at like 9am every day... this went on for 2 weeks until DH said something to his dad, and asked him to call first if his child wants to come play so that I am not put in a bad position (ie him asking to come over and my kids saying yes when I have something to do). Ever since then, he stopped knocking, but now whenever we go out front (even if we're going somewhere) he races over. I can't spend time with my kids without him coming over and it's starting to bother me. I like to have quality time with my kids as much as I can. I don't want to be mean about it, but it's annoying me. DH took Vinnie out front for some "daddy-son" time, and was throwing a football around and he asked to come over and DH said "now is not a good time" so he sat out front of his house and watched them the whole time saying "how about now?"...

What would be the nice way of handling this? They don't seem to realize that an extra child is a LOT... they only have him there during the day, but I have 3!! Not to mention that I have things for 2 boys, not 3, so there is often fighting about who gets what and such. I hate feeling like I can't go out front... is there any way to stop this?

[mollymae]

I can see it could be very annoying for you and I do sympathsis (sp?) We had a similiar situation a few years ago. In the end one of my neighbours had to point out to "mum" that I had a lot on my plate (jack was recovering from the accident and josh was still a small baby at the time)and it wasn't fair to just send their 3 year old over to play. I'd come home and he'd be playing in our garden on his own!

Perhaps arrange sometimes when mum or dad can bring him to visit for an hour. To the little lad it must like watching a playground in your garden and he just wants to join in.

[wanna be a young mother]

Do you have a backyard??? lol


If he is an only child then I can see the fun of coming over all the time. Doesn't his parents play outside with him? Maybe there are some family issues going on and he just doesn't want to be home.

I would explain to both him and the parents that you guys have special "mom & dad days" and would prefer he not come over on those days. Maybe set some lines like he can only come over on Mon, Wed and Fri or whatever. That way if he comes over on a Tues (or whatever day) then you can simply say its a mom or daddy day and he needs to come back tomorrow. That way you get limits without seeming mean.

My mom had a "special" lol way of taking care of this problem. My little brother had a friend who was one of 7 kids (all VERY close in age). They would come over like 3 or 4 at a time. My mom got sick of it so she started to send my brother over there with his cousins when they visited lol. The lady got the hint really fast and only let the one son come over and of course my mom stopped sending the cousins over lol.

Maybe you should start sending your boys over and his parent will realize how rude it really is.

[internetsurf2009]

Wow, the old leave 'em and forgot 'em tactic! That is a tough one to get
by. I grew up in a family of 6 children and my parents really looked down
upon this kind of thing.

The best thing to do would be to just be as direct and sincere as possible
concerning your feelings about the situation. This way, they will know
where you stand. It might be a little awkward, regardless, but with a little
time, all things will be fine.

[VinniesMommy]

Thanks for all of the advice... We do have a backyard, but the front yard is larger, plus has all the trees (and now dead leaves to play in!) plus they ride their bikes in the drive way and such. There is just more to do out front. I try to take them out back mostly, but this even happens when we walk out front to leave. The kid tries to come with! I don't know what his situation is at home, I know that mom works all day and dad stays home, and he has 2 older sisters, but they are in school all day, leaving just him and his dad. DH said something to them again the other day, saying that it's not right that he just comes over as he pleases, but then today, DH took the kids out front to play in the leaves (well, DH was TRYING to rake, haha!) and he came over. Then stayed for 3 HOURS, all the while DH was saying "this isn't a good time" and he just ignored him and said "the boys want me here". I'm really sick of this. Thankfully the boys start preschool on November 2nd... hopefully that will put some of this to an end!! The next time I see his mom I will try to talk to her, because Dad doesn't seem to get it. Thanks guys!!!

[etali]

The child said "The boys want me here?" It's not his place to say that! He's a child, you're the adults.

I'd walk him home, drop him off, and tell his parents he's not welcome.

A kid with that kind of attitude problem at such a young age is going to be a nightmare when he gets older.

That's just my opinion though. It may make things difficult with this family, but it sounds like you're not friends anyway?

[KR258]

I would send my boys over to their house super early to ask to play at their house

[VinniesMommy]

Well we decided that every time that he comes over without calling first, we are just going to say "nope" and make him go home. I'm done dealing with them. Vinnie walked out front to get the mail yesterday (it looked like it was going to pour at any moment) and I stood at the front door watching him. Vinnie barely got both feet out the door and this kid comes FLYING out of his house, screams "I'm going across the street dad!!" and bolts over to my house!! When I said that Scarlette wasn't feeling well, so he can't come in, he said "Well, send the boys out to play with me!". Wow. So, I told him no because it looks like it's going to rain. He then says, "It's not raining YET so they can play" and at that point I just said "Um, no" and pulled Vinnie inside and closed the door. Insane. I was thinking about sending the boys over there at like 8 am this morning, as soon as I saw a light go on in their house, but I don't know these people at all. I don't even know the parents names. Granted, it's right across the street, but I don't want them inside a house where I can't see them with people I know nothing about. Luckily, the kids start preschool on November 2nd, and they'll be there from 9-3, so I won't have to worry about it then (after 3:30 this kids sisters come home and stuff, so he doesn't go outside for some reason). As much as I dread them starting school (sniff sniff!) I'm excited for this little problem to go away

[mollymae]

How about you just say don't send him over ever because you are not his babysitter and not prepared to watch him, and if they continue you'll be calling child services. I mean there being nice and subtle but if dads not listening then just be blunt.

[VinniesMommy]

Well, problem solved.... Sunday night me and Justin were talking after the boys went to bed (their bedroom is right next to the living room) about the whole situation. I thought the boys were out cold, but apparently Vinnie was still up. Monday after school we were getting out of the car and the kid asked to come over and Vinnie jumps out of the car and yells "NO!! My mommy hates when you come over!"


Whoops.


I felt bad for a little while, and was going to go over and apologize Tuesday once I took the boys to school, but then I realized that I didn't REALLY mind. I mean, Vinnie shouldn't have said to him, and that wasn't nice but it wasn't nice for him to send his kid over all the time either. Now they avoid us like the plague. As soon as the dad sees us out front, he pulls the kid inside and I haven't seen the kid outside since. I hate to say it, because I SWEAR I am normally a nice person, but it's a comforting break. He didn't get the hint any other way. How am I NOT supposed to hate the fact that his kid invites himself to my house all the time? Oh well I suppose...... Thanks ladies for all of your help and advice