[skidoo_grl]

I have a problem that I am struggling with, and I need some input. I know I am probably going to get good and bad things about this, but it is expected. But, here is the problem...
DH's Uncle is dating/living with this guy who has HIV/AIDS. (The bf, not the uncle, that we know of.) We lost our 1st child at 17 wks and tried for almost 2 years for #2 to come along. We are now expecting #2. The problem here is, we don't want to put our child in that situation of being around the Uncle, let alone his boyfriend who has HIV/AIDS. It has nothing to do with them being gay, it is the HIV/AIDS thing that really kind of scares us. We don't see this uncle often, but when we do, the boyfriend is always with. Any input on this would be great....
Thank you in advance!

[lavatea]

HIV is a virus that is transmitted through body fluids. Unless you are planning on getting a blood transfusion from, sharing needles with, or having intercourse with DH's Uncle's BF, then you are not going to get HIV from visiting with this man. Walking through the grocery store you could very well come into contact with an HIV+ person and never even know it. You will not catch it from breathing the same air, touching the same things, etc.

All of that being said, I totally understand why you want to be careful with this pregnancy. If you feel uncomfortable being around someone (for whatever reason), avoid contact with that person. No explanations need be given. It's only (less than) 9 months until you have the baby. If you are invited over, politely decline. Make up excuses or whatever. It's not uncommon for people to be busy, and unless you cut off all contact even after the baby is born, they might not ever even know your reasons for staying away in the first place.

ETA - I re-read your post, and it looks like you mean not having your baby around this man, not simply avoiding him while you are pregnant. If this is the case, this issue is going to come up. Educate yourself on the HIV virus and any potential risks associated with socializing with an infected person. If you are still aprehensive about putting your child in that situation, then follow your parental instincts and keep the baby out of that situation. You are going to have to probably either explain your reasons (and be prepared for the fall-out) or come up with another reason.

[mcmama]

The odds that your child will get aids from the uncle or boyfriend are non existent unless they were to have blood or semen contact with him. You've indicated that this is unlikely, you're not worried about them behaving badly with him.

You cannot get aids with casual contact, sharing a drinking glass, a toilet, etc. The virus is spread through direct contact with your bloodstream - that is through sex, needles, or something deliberate.

YOur child should avoid body fluid contact with this uncle and BF - blood, semen, vomit, etc. But then, you should do that anyway! Not likely you are going to have a problem with infrequent family visits. And no danger to your pregnancy.

[skidoo_grl]

I thank you both for your input on this. I am so confused about it. I am torn because I don't know if we would feel the same way if it were our parents or siblings, but on the same note, Uncle and his BF are not clean people, and I think that is really what scares us is being infected and not being clean/careful about it.
I think after reading your posts I am going to sit down with hubby and really talk about this. It will indeed make us the horrible people in the family, but that isn't anything new with his side...
Thank you again!!

[mcmama]

If they are not clean people, then there are other issues besides HIV. I would not visit them in their home while you are pregnant if this is the case. After the baby comes, use your judgement as to what is ok for your family.

[skidoo_grl]

Seeing them while pregnant isn't really a concern for us right now, I am 5.5 months already, and they haven't even called. So that isn't an issue. We just want to be prepared. DH has talked to his dad and he is on the same page as we are. We have kind of talked about sitting down with his mom and feel her out and see what her feelings are on this, it is her brother. We just kind of want to have this taken care of so we don't have a problem at the hospital, or in March at my SIL wedding.
Thank you again!

[skidoo_grl]

So, an update.. We sat down with DH's mom and didn't really get anywhere. I don't think she has much of a backbone when it comes to standing up to her family. All we got from her was go talk to your doctor. So, hopefully I remember to bring it up today at my appointment. Wish me luck we get some answers from her...