[rosebud11]

Hi,

I have three daughters, 16, 14 and 9. I was married for 15 years in a terribly abusive marriage. During the divorce, I started drinking and lost custody of the children who now live with their father.
I stopped drinking and went on testing for a year and a half, but he's alienating me from the children, insisting that I can't see them alone and they are not safe. It's an incredible case in which this has now been going on for three years! I am lonely, sad and depressed.
My children do not like living with him. He treats them the way he treated me, with all the controls dubbed as "safety" and "discipline."
My oldest daughter wants to live with me, but doesn't know her rights. And, since I have none, I don't know how to help her.

I have never heard of anything like this nor anyone who has gone through this. I no longer feel like a mother, have lost my identity, and feel that life is not worth living without my children.

How can an abuser get full custody in our courts?

[mcmama]

Alcohol is a powerful weapon. When my abuser was trying for custody, abuse wasn't a problem in the eyes of the courts unless it was physical or sexual. Even him having a homosexual lover who was coming after my 12 year old and writing him love notes didn't mean anything because I was "homophobic". I am sure that if I had a male lover who had written such things to a female child the story would have been different. But my attorney sure kept pressuring me for instances where my ex would drink too much - which really was not an issue at all. And of course, every glass of wine I had with dinner or in the evening (about 3 drinks a week) was dutifully recorded by my ex as "evidence". Sometimes he would stage abusive episodes for afte I would return from dealing with my elderly aunt in the nursing home, and have invited people over on some pretext, knowing that I likely would cool down from the berating and the ordeal of coping with her care with one glass of wine - and then oh goody, witnesses for the prosecution.

Don't know what to tell you except that teens are certainly old enough to have a say in things, and you need to be careful of your daughters playing you against him in normal teen rebellion.

[browneyes01]

maybe you should encourage your kids to research there rights I believe at sixteen you can choose who you want to live.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Wishing you all the best with regaining custody of your children.
Have you consulted with a good lawyer?