[Linas31]

Hi all,
I am so glad I found this board, but it makes me sad that there are so many women/men out there suffering from loss ...
My husband and I recently lost our baby girl Ella at 30wks 3 days of pregnancy. She was stillborn after a complicated pregnancy. We are still waiting for the autopsy and pathology report, but they suspect it was due to a placental abruption and perhaps that I have a blood clotting disorder.
I had been having pregnancy complications since about wk 10. It started with some unexplained bleeding which has persisted on and off the whole time (at first they thought it was from cervical erosion - but now have concluded that it was from a chronic abruption from a sub-chorionic hemorrage). Since then my care was transfered to the a nearby High Risk clinic and I had been having ultrasounds and check ups at least every 2 wks, sometime weekly.

I also have a bicornuate uterus and Ella was always slightly behind in growth (they never seemed too concerned b/c her growth curve was always good-until the last week). At one point they found that she had a bowel obstruction (however, this seemed to have resolved itself) and they also found that I had a battledore cord insertion (where the umbilical cord inserts at the very edge of the placenta rather than the center).
At 16wks I was told I was having a miscarriage, but they were wrong, it was still just the placental abruption. I was admitted me to hospital for a few days at 24wks to monitor me and the baby and to discuss the risks/complications of having a premie (as they were worried they would have to do a c-section at that time). However, baby and I proved strong again and there was no need to get the baby out, baby's heartbeat had always been good, she was moving around a ton and I didn't show any signs of going into labour myself. They did give me the steroid injections (I think celestone?) to help the baby's lungs develop.

At 27 wks the said my amniotic fluid had gotten low so they said to pack my bags for my 28 wk appt in case they had to take her out early. But of course, at my 28 wks appt. the fluid level was back up and they said it was okay to keep her in and to come back in 2 wks for another u/s and check up. So I went in on a Tuesday at 30wks and they said that she was slightly off her growth curve, but that heartbeat was good and she was moving a lot and blood flow was normal, so they thought everthing was fine. The next day, I was doing my fetal movement counts and she was moving well, but when I got up to go the bathroom I started bleeding. I had been bleeding and passing large clots (the size of hockey pucks) on and off througout the pregnancy and this bleeding was very little, so we almost didn't even bother going to the hospital but thought, we're now at 30wks we should go just in case. By the time we got to the hospital (about 45 min later) there was no heartbeat. We were devastated...we had been prepared for a premie, but not this. I really had no idea it could happen this quickly
The next day they induced me at 10 am and around 4pm our baby girl was stillborn. The labour went okay, but I had to have a D&C after, b/c the placenta wouldn't come out.
She was born May 31, 2007, She was 2lbs 7oz and perfect. She had my mouth I think, but was definetly a daddy's girl, with long legs, brown curly hair and a dimple in her chin just like her dad. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. We named her Ella and had her blessed by the hospital chaplin, they cleaned her and dressed her for us and we got pictures and other mementos. I am so glad we spent that time with her, I cherish those moments now so much.
We are having an autopsy done and a pathology done on the placenta, but apparently it takes 2-3 months for the results to come in. They also want to do blood work on me at 6wks once my hormones and stuff are more normal to check for the blood clotting disorder.
I had no idea it could be this painful, but my husband and I are taking it day by day.
We are desperate to be pregnant again, but battle the guilt we feel about this and are trying to be responsible and make sure I am healed before we try again....but it's so hard to wait,...I haven't even gotten my first period yet...
I hope that I can get and share support, advice and info on this board.
Thanks

[2006Mama]

I am so sorry for your loss.... I feel your pain .....

[MiaCamille]

I'm in tears reading your story so so sorry this happened to you, take the time to deal with your very big loss you need to give yourself time.. I hope you find people that you can connect with. Welcome to you...

[QueenAngie]

So sorry for your loss!

(((Hugs)))

[Aerie]

I can just see your little one as I read your description- so beautiful. I am so sad to hear of your loss. May God bless you as you mourn. Please, do not feel guilty. You could never ever have predicted this or prevented it.

Blessings to you,

[poliscmjr]

I'm sitting here at work reading your story and tears are streaming down my face. I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain, I didn't carry for as long as you did but the first thought of being pregnant there is that unconditional love. Take each day and go from there.
We are here to talk if you want

[angelstarsmum]

I too feel your pain (((hugs))) so so sorry, i'm so glad you both decided to let your body and mind heal before ttc again i know its hard cos all you want is to be pg, but i know i needed time out to let my body heal and get over the shock our bodies have been through, my thoughts and prayers are with you both, you will always have a special place in your hearts for your beautiful little girl.x

[hartoog2]

So very sorry for you loss. Your story really touched me. May God give you and your DH strength to get through this. Blessings, Gina

[punkepooh]

Your story touched me too, I can't imagine what you and your husband are going through. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

[wanttobemommy]

I am so sorry. I know how you feel. I gave birth to my son at 22 weeks he lived for 30 mins and then passed away. Please take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts