[andrewsmommyNdrubieswifey]

well i am Becky age 22, mother of two handsome boys an Andrew and Derek, and i am also married to my first love. Before i met my husband Drew, i was living with two women who didn't care or love me as they would say. So, when i was 14 i started to experience with crack cocaine, and i started to cut myself. (They adopted me because my so called mother decided to stay with a child molester instead of keeping her children, she wasn't fit to be a mother anyways.) It got really bad, i started to steal pills from my adopted mothers spouse, it didn't matter to me what they was for as long as they took the pain and hurt away. One day i took about 8 hydrocodone aka vicodin cause i was trying to end everything, well as you can tell that didn't work. Once i even cut my self in front of them trying to show them that i needed either them to love and care for me like they are suppose to or to get me help.
They didn't do anything, they took me to the hospital and the guy that i seen there said that they was the problem not me.so i didn't get help. but i did end up stop using crack, and i met my husband. that's when i decided that i needed to tell him and he helped me quit cutting.
then after i had my second son Derek, those feelings came back the suicidal feelings. i had them because one the hospital where i had him mess him hands up so he had to get skin graphs done and i couldn't take him home with me, two they sent me home knowing i couldn't walk or do anything and i was in severe pain, three i didn't find out what was wrong with me until a month after having Derek and he came home like at three weeks old. i could do NOTHING AT ALL. i told drew was i starting to think about ending my life mainly cause he was helping me out as best as he could and i just couldn't be a mother and a wife like i wanted to be. but when they finally found out what was wrong with me i was n the hospital for over a week getting strong antibiotics for my rare bone infection n my hip, i had ammonia, anemia, and three blood clots leg and both lungs. so i was messed up. but by the time i was sent home i was able to put both feet flat on the ground while using my walker. i was on blood thinner and the whole nine yards for about a year. except for the antibiotics i was only on them for about a month and a half at home, i was able to get a picc line so i could go home. but i did get a little better. right now i am not taken blood thinners still on Zoloft and i still have the take pain medication for my hip cause since i had the bone infection i now have bone damage, and plus i don't have health insurance. but other then that there are only a few days now that i think about cutting, i don't think about ending my life anymore. i am happy i didn't cause i love my boys to death...If it wasn't for my husband i would be dead, it is scary knowing if i didn't go see my midwife the day i did i could be dead now. i am only 22. no one my age should have to go thou all that.
Derek my youngest that had to get skin graphs done is a health 14 moth old boy. he is a momma's boy. i have his whole life to try my hardest to make up the time i wasn't able to be with him while he was in Kalamazoo, i can never forgive myself for it... but i did have to get better for when he did come home.

SORRY IF IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE AND PLACES BUT RIGHT NOW I AM CRYING AND I AM HOLDING MY SON DEREK. TAKE CARE ALL

BK