[erinellakal]

Ok ladies, i have a question for you all.
When your babies were new born were you strict about people not coming to visit if someone had a cold?

The reason i ask is my sil had a baby a week ago. We were going to go visit today but she wouldn't let us cuz Kal has a cough. So we sent my daughter, Erin, with my fil/mil so she could at least see the new baby. They wouldn't let Erin hold the baby cuz Kal has a cough! She was soooo sad! It brings tears to me eyes for her cuz she was so looking forward to holding her........it really pisses me off!
My fil said before he picked the baby up today the new mom practically screamed at him and threw a bottle of hand sanitizer at him!

Am i wrong for getting pissed off and thinking that is completly rediculous?

When my kids were newborns I would never tell anyone that can't come over or that they can't hold my baby!

I am so frustrated I don't even want to go see the new baby........i feel bad for feeling that way, but i don't want to walk on eggshells and feel like my kids can't touch or look at the baby! gggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ruthann8]

Yes, she is a little extreme. I was too! Germs didn't bother me; just people in general bothered me. Give her some time and she will get over it. Before Ellamae was born I told everybody I didn't want a lot of visitors and no overnight guests for the first 4 weeks at least! Of course the in-laws still planned a family Christmas at OUR house for about 2 weeks after she was born And I will probably still have the same rule for our future children, but is doesn't mean they will listen Call it new baby syndrome, it will wear off eventually.

[wanttobemommy]

I made some of my in laws wash their hands but wasnt too harsh about it. The ones I did make wash their hands were because they dont really bathe. I think it is harsh that they wouldnt let Erin hold the baby. That is wrong. I cant believe the SIL would do that.

[twinzplus3]

Yeah. . .I think you're wrong. Sorry. . . I wasn't quite that strict with my babies until I had twins. To be frank, it simply wasn't worth it to possibly expose the twins to something when if they got sick I'd be up all night, all the time.

I'm sorry for your daughter. . .I know how much kids look forward to a new baby in the family. But I'll be the dissenting voice and say that it's their baby--their rules--unless you're offering to go over and stay up all night with the sick baby IF he gets sick and then come over and help her during the day if he gets sick. In 5 kids, no one was ever so convinced of their right to hold my baby that they were willing to come and help me if the child got sick. . .

[erinellakal]

Of course i understand that you wash your hands when you hold a new baby and you don't kiss or cough all over it if you have a cold....but Erin is as healthy as a horse and doesn't understand why she can't hold her new cousin. My sil was just rude about it.
And yes, its their baby, they're rules....but the thing is her family is over there all the time and its impossible for them to not be incontact with someone who has had a cough or cold.....so its really just the rules for US......the babies daddys family.......it hurts my feelings......i love this baby because she is my niece, but i cannot even see her because my son has a cough.......ggggrrrrrrrr
and they've taken her to walmart, target, the mall already, she's 7 days old......does she really think that she hasn't come in contact with a germ or 2?

we bathe! I had to laugh at that Kristen!

I have been up with sick babies all night and no one came to help me either, but i didn't ask anyone to help me either......i didn't place blame on one person or place that the baby could have picked up a cold! I am praying the baby doesn't sneeze in the next 24 hours because i am sure i would be getting a call and getting yelled at!

We live in a world with germs!!!!!!!!! I guess i just don't understand trying to avoid them.....................

[twinzplus3]

Well it is different to deal with a double standard. And we were never rude to people. Actually, I held the babies in a sling so no one could hold them at church. Then I just avoided the whole conversation! Is this their first?
It sounds too like maybe their's other issues going on with your sil that go beyond just this baby and/or perhaps she didn't want Erin to hold the baby period and the cough was a convenient excuse.
I know you understand what it's like to have a sick baby and certainly we don't all expect someone to help us when that happens. I was just saying that so often people don't understand a mother's rules or intentions but neither are they willing to help out when the going gets rough. You asked if you were being unreasonable so I gave an honest answer. If you want only empathy, then you need to say that you only want people to respond if they agree with your side. I'm not at all trying to be rude. . .I just don't agree with you. I do understand what it's like to see your own child hurting though. Can you talk to your sil about her rudeness--or is it just not worth the time?

[erinellakal]

Ok thanks for your opinions, that is what i was looking for, not just empathy....i guess i am in the minority and am just way layed back.

yes this is my sil's first baby and i try to remember this and understand that this is all new to her. Its hard for me to understand because i was never like this even with my first baby....

with all that being said, i am going to just keep my distance, not email her and just give it time, give her time to chill and give myself time to cool down.....

I

[ruthann8]

Originally Posted by twinzplus3

perhaps she didn't want Erin to hold the baby period and the cough was a convenient excuse.

Thats an idea. I was very very nervous letting other people hold my baby, no matter what the age!

Don't worry you are allowed to have your feelings. Many people were very mad at me about my "rules" It doesn't help that my mom and mil have been friends since highschool and kind of joined forces and complained about it!

[KR258]

I'm sorry she's giving you a hard time and I know it must hurt.
I didn't let anyone touch Kate for her first few months unless they used hand sanitizer. She was born early and it was winter and I was so afraid of her getting sick....perhaps I was overboard but she didn't get sick....in the end I got sick when she was 2 months old and ended up coughing and sneezing all over and she still didn't get sick.
I hope you get to see the baby soon.

[twinzplus3]

I don't think you're unreasonable at all fwiw. . .I just see the other side so I don't get too ruffled when someone is protective like that. I find that a lot of first time parents find me extremely laid back. . .like I said. . .I was never that way either with my first. It wasn't until the twins when the consequences for getting sick were two to three weeks with absolutely NO sleep that I got picky about how many people held her, etc.

Cooling off is always a great idea!!!