[mylife]

Hi all...im new here..
I've been married for less than a year and our relationship is no longer that close.
He's been busy working all day and sometimes gone outstation for a couple days. On monday evening he got football to play. On weekends he likes to hang-out with his cycling-buddies until late night. If he got nothing to do, he will play ps2 games.
It seems like he got no time for me.. He's being nice to me all the time maybe so that I can understand that he can't live without doing his activities and I'm trying to understand him.

But sometimes I'm not fine with that because he got no time for me. Although we've been talk about this a couple of times. He said that since he got activities to do, I should have one too. Ok, so I try to do my new hobby and that is yoga.

But its still not enough to build our relationship stronger.
Is it my problem?

[MiaCamille]

Welcome to Families, i agree that everyone needs their own time away but you guys also need time together maybe you should try counseling to see what's up...

[michelemj]

Hi. I've been married a little over 6 years, but we've been together 12 total. I think it's important to have your own activities. However, you do need quality time together as well. Maybe you can make it a point to have a date night every week, maybe even on the same day. Do you eat dinner together during the week, at the kitchen table? It's important to connect with each often .

[MissyChrissy]

Yeah, people need their individual time, but they NEED to have time with their mate as well if the relationship is to flourish and grow.

Spell it out to him...make Friday night "your" night...whatever you have to do. But he does need to make time for you.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Does not sound like your hubby has made the transition from bachelor to husband completely yet.

Yes, you do need to sit down to dinner together as a family.
If you can't do dinner, then do breakfast, or lunch.
Maybe it can't be every day, then make the goal 5 days out of 7.
The point is this: you need to have time together as a family.

Have to agree: Friday (or whichever night works best) is your weekly date night. Just you and he together for the evening.

Wishing you all the best!

[mylife]

Thanks for your opinions...
Ya, we do have dinner sometimes if he's not doing activities or working till late night...
I've been trying to think positive and do whatever activities to distract my emotions..but sometimes it makes me feel cry and i pity myself...and then try to be strong again and again...

[purelegance]

since he likes to do random activities so much, maybe the 2 of you can find one to do every friday or whenever. DH & I play either on the wii or a different computer game, but my sister & her husband work out together. it's all just a matter of finding your groove.

[floresazules]

Dear my life, I just got married too las june, and even though I dont have the same problem you do, I think he is having hard time geting use to this new life as a married couple. But you need to tell him how you feel, if one of you is not happy, means is the problem of both of you..... is not your problem alone
I give you an exemple of my life, my husband and I, we both compromise to give each other time a part, he play soccer and I go sometimes(ONLY SOMETIMES) and cheer for him, I love photography and he give me my space but sometimes, he come to my class or he let me take pictures of him. And we do a lot of activities together.
Some of the things we do, like go to the movies ( he does that for me) or go to a pub to wacht a game(I do that for me) is all about compromise with each other.
And if I ever feel bad about something, I imediatly let him know, and he knows I dont put -up with anything, maybe we argue for 10 minutes but we are always on the same page. And he does the same with me.
Also my advice to you, is always try new things,sorprise him, say I love you every every oportunity you have, kisss just because and never go to bed mad at each other. Men are like a big boys sometimes.

Good luck and God bless your marriage.

[1stTimeMomOf2]

My DH and I got married in July 07. Since day one of our dating relationship he's always been involved in several sports leagues. I got used to it from the beginning so now that we are married I guess I don't even notice it anymore. We have talked about it lately because we just had twins and I'm going to need his help at home. If you really sincerely feel like he's purposely involving himself in these things to spend less time with you then talk to him about it and be honest with him. Try to compromise and make an effort to spend time together doing activities that you both like. If that doesn't work then ask him to cut back. But - if he's only doing something a couple times a week and he's doing it because he likes it, maybe you just need to step back and think about why you are feeling the way you do. Do you think you are losing him? Are you jealous that he's not spending every minute with you? I would just take a couple days to really think about everything and get your thoughts together then approach him with it.

[ItalianByAdoption]

Since it seems that only women follow these threads and give comments, let me provide another prospective. The first years of marriage are a time of transition and it is necessary to set down some rules. I agree that a marriage needs separate activities and activities together and a Friday night date is always good advice. My question is - what activities did you do together before marriage? What were the things that united you as a couple? Why have you stopped doing them? You need to build on your courtship and those things that united you.
For your comments however it seems to me that you came into the marriage with the unrealistic expectation of many that somehow marriage and your husband would fill your life with joy and happiness. It is your responsibility to create your own happiness and then share it with him and the same applies to him. If he comes home to a whiny unhappy partner maybe he finds extra incentives to go out with the "boys" Do the things that allow you to grow and feel enriched and you will find that your husband will want to stay home with you.