[xanth]

My recently wedded husband seems to have issues with my son, right after we where married.

His kids, a boy that is 6 years of age, a girl 8 years of age, and his oldest daughter 17 years of age. The oldest daughter has been in trouble with the law, uses foul language, smokes, and never agrees with her father to help around the house. The younger boy, tends to get in trouble at school and does not listen to father or teachers. The mother has not been a part of their life for two years, had seen many women come and go in their father's life.
My son is 19, going into the Air Force. Quiet, respectful and keeps to himself. However, my son can be lazy and does not respond to my husband's orders at that given time. He has been corrected by me, now he does what is stated and stays in his room having no life with us he walks around in fear while he waits to leave for the miltary.
My husband stated he hated my son, and does not care about his life. In addition, my husband stated he could not store his belongings in the house that I had prior to the marriage.
The wedding was paid for using my savings account, and my credit. Along with the fact, I had to withdraw from my 401k to pay for my surgery.
My husband convince me to quit my job to stay home and so called focus on my college, along with taking care of his children. In addition, we began a company together, in my name due to his recent bankruptcy issues.
I have never stated anything negative about where the money came from, nor did I ever state anything about his bankruptcy. Just the fact we need to pay the bills due to my credit score dropping. My husband on the other hand, has stated many insults regarding me not doing things as ask, and has nagged me to come help him in his work a week after my surgery (I am suppose to wait until the three week order from the doctor, and my husband agreed).

[xanth]

I feel I am going to miss my son terribly when he leaves for the Air Force, as if my heart is breaking.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Your plate is pretty full right now.

Sounds like you are pretty miserable with the surgery post-op healing,
your marriage,
the finances,
the way your son is being treated,
use of the computer
way your cat is treated.

Just curious, are their any good points with your new husband,
the business,
his kids?

Just from what you've listed, you are doing the giving
and they are doing the receiving.

I think you need to take a nap
and
get some counseling.

Let us know how it goes.

Wishing you all the best!

[xanth]

Yes, I should look at the good points and that things could be worse.
Yes, you are right about the post surgery issues. I still ache and I trying to prevent taking more meds due to how they make me spacey. On top of the finals coming up in college, and my son...
Honestly, when I get to thinking about my son and how he is treated all the positive is hard to look at.
My husband can be so sweet, then turn on me so negative. In addition, sometimes I wonder if he really wants his kids. However, I do look back at my first marriage and remember how hard and cold the relationship was. Also, the seven years that I choose to be alone makes me think differently and I try to remind my husband things when it was lonely before me.
He is diabetic with high blood pressure, and with kids that have no support from the mother. Besides my surgery, I am healthy, in college but without a job.
We have the business together, and love with laughter but only when we are alone together???

Originally Posted by QueenAngie

Welcome to the board!

Your plate is pretty full right now.

Sounds like you are pretty miserable with the surgery post-op healing,
your marriage,
the finances,
the way your son is being treated,
use of the computer
way your cat is treated.

Just curious, are their any good points with your new husband,
the business,
his kids?

Just from what you've listed, you are doing the giving
and they are doing the receiving.

I think you need to take a nap
and
get some counseling.

Let us know how it goes.

Wishing you all the best!

[QueenAngie]

Why is your own son, your flesh & blood, being treated so poorly by the other members of the family?

This does not sound healthy to me.

Not healthy for him in his own home.
Not healthy for you
or the rest of the family.

When my older son went off to college his freshman year, it just about broke my heart.

I cried daily for the first month over missing him. And I was happy that he went to college.

I can feel your pain.

Certainly is more difficult giving the wings part
of 'roots and wings'
parenting.

You need to seriously look at what is going on under your own roof, my dear.

Wishing you all the best!

[mcmama]

Wait a minute. His kids are in trouble with the law, your son is going into the Air Force, and your new stepfamily hates him????

Seems to me these folks need an attitude adjustment. Whatever papa was doing on his own before ain't workin'. Whatever you did with your son apparently did.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Hello and welcome to families.

Just my opinion BUT you seem not to have a very healthy relationship with your now husband. Sounds to me (by what you are saying) that he wants you for a baby sitter and as someone to take care of him too. To me that is a BIG red flag.
I personally feel that when my youngest reaches the age of 6 I do not need to be at home all of the time. I am grateful that my husband works hard that I can stay at home BUT once my youngest gets into grade one I will go and get a work outside of home job. One that is flexable to my childrens needs.

I feel that you are being taken advantage of. A marriage is two way relationship and a blended family is much harder to adjust to. Your husband should be proud of the fact your son is setting a good example for his kids....he should not hate him...nor have told you what he did.

I think both of you would benefit from some couples counciling. You need to talk about what each of you wants in the relationship....and that neither of you should bully the other into doing something they don't want to do.

[wanna be a young mother]

Just to give you somewhat of an idea of what your son may be going through...

My mom had me at 17. My dad died when I was 3. My mom went from man to man to man. Finally she meet my sisters father. He treated me very bad. My sisters were treated like queens and I was the ugly step child. I ended up hating my mom for not taking my side. I hated her for letting him treat me that way and for not caring more about me. It took me a long time to forgive her for what happen but I did. I am not saying your son hates you but he is your child and should come first above anyone. If you husband is treating him bad then YOU need to step up and tell him that is not right. Your son should feel welcome in his own home. He shouldn't have to feel like the outsider. I truly believe your husband is going to push your son away from you (at least thats what it sounds like by what you write). I would say you need to sit down with the family and talk this out. You also need to tell your husband that he cant treat your son any different then his own kids. Your son should be first in your life and letting anyone treat him that way is not right. Talk to your husband and let him know that saying things like he hates him wont be tolerated in the house anymore. I wish you the best of luck but from what you write it sounds like there is no respect between your husband, you and your son. You really should sit down and try to talk things out.

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by wanna be a young mother

Just to give you somewhat of an idea of what your son may be going through...

My mom had me at 17. My dad died when I was 3. My mom went from man to man to man. Finally she meet my sisters father. He treated me very bad. My sisters were treated like queens and I was the ugly step child. I ended up hating my mom for not taking my side. I hated her for letting him treat me that way and for not caring more about me. It took me a long time to forgive her for what happen but I did. I am not saying your son hates you but he is your child and should come first above anyone. If you husband is treating him bad then YOU need to step up and tell him that is not right. Your son should feel welcome in his own home. He shouldn't have to feel like the outsider. I truly believe your husband is going to push your son away from you (at least thats what it sounds like by what you write). I would say you need to sit down with the family and talk this out. You also need to tell your husband that he cant treat your son any different then his own kids. Your son should be first in your life and letting anyone treat him that way is not right. Talk to your husband and let him know that saying things like he hates him wont be tolerated in the house anymore. I wish you the best of luck but from what you write it sounds like there is no respect between your husband, you and your son. You really should sit down and try to talk things out.

I totally agree. If this new husband cannot treat your son with respect, then he obviously holds no respect for you either.

If I were you, I'd pull all financial backing from him or you're going to end up bankrupt yourself. It sounds like you had a good handle on things before he came along-and HOW DARE HE say your son cannot store his stuff in his home while he's serving his country? That right there disgusts me.

[pattiewrites]

Let me get this straight. His criminal child has free rein in the house, but your son stays in his room in fear? Meanwhile, you use your money and credit to get him started in business? Umm, I don't think so! Your son sounds like a good kid. You need to stand up for him. Personally, if a man told me he hated my child, he'd be out the door. That very minute.