[desperate_housewife2008]

I met my husband online a few years ago. It wasn't on a dating website so there were no pictures being exchanged for a while. By the time we swapped pictures we already had deep feelings for each other. At the time I just thought he looked "normal", not especially sexy but not ugly either.
We have now been married for a couple years and he has gained quite a bit of weight. I myself am actually thinner than when we met and consider myself quite attractive. Also with time, the "everything is perfect"euphoria wears off and we see reality.

I love my husband very much and know he loves me too but SEX BLOWS.
Even though I don't feel turned on by him, I "force myself" to have sex with him at least twice a week because I have strong sexual needs and I don't want to use sex toys all the time, and he needs sex too (although his libido is lower than mine it seems).
I never orgasm during sex but after ( I use his ***** to stimulate myself), I close my eyes and think of sexy thingswhich unfortunately don't include him at all. I hate that this is the only way I can orgasm but I'll take that over nothing!

At this point we have tried a lot of things to spice up our sexual life but nothing works for me because I don't feel any passion which is what I need to be aroused and climax. Also my husband is very cerebral so I know he'll never act animalistic like I'd like him too.
We talk a lot about sex and our relationship in general but no improvement. He knows he's overweight but he's having a very hard time losing any of it because it seems to be genetic, plus he's stressed with work which doesn't help. I don't want him to look like a model but just "normal". Sometimes I'm embarrassed because he looks much older than me(he's only 5 years older) and I'm much more attractive than him so I know people think I'm a gold digger or he's my sugar daddy. It's uncomfortable.

I'm so frustrated that I have thought of asking him if he would be okay with an open marriage but 1-when I really think about it, I think it would drive me crazy if he slept with another woman and would eventually lead us to divorce and 2- I'm afraid that even mentioning such an idea might break something in our relationship, probably make him very insecure and possibly create trust issues.

I have no idea what to do! I love him so I can't just walk away and find someone I'd be more compatible with sexwise. Yet the thought of feeling sexually frustrated for the rest of my life is extremely depressing!

I think it's obvious that we should seek marriage counselling but we can't afford it so any advice on your part will be welcomed.


Thank you!

[MiaCamille]

maybe counseling could help cause you obviously love him and want to make this work out, also if you're the one who cooks in the house maybe you can help him loose the weight by making low fat foods and lots of veggies and fruits and get him to exercise with you, taking walks or going to the gym together...I don't think that an open marriage will solve anything.. Good luck!

[desperate_housewife2008]

He already goes to the gym about 4 times a week and we eat pretty healthy food in very reasonable quantities. That why I'm worried... it really seems that he's genetically predisposed to being overweight no matter how much he tries to lose weight so it seems hopeless.
At this point, I'm thinking the only wau for him to look good is through plastic surgery, he'd need serious lipo but I'm scared because if anything went wrong I could never forgive myself and obviously it's expensive.

[mcmama]

Can't be just the weight. Maybe he's not turning on because of the health issues associated with the weight. Or maybe he's not responding on a "cerebral" level.

Do you suppose he is thinking of other things as well?

Can you get your fantasies tuned to the same channel? Might help!

[desperate_housewife2008]

I've told him to get a complete health check up before starting any new diet because first we need to make sure this isn't a health problem, I'm thinking something wrong with his thyroid for example. He hasn't done it yet but I'm going to insist and make him do it.
I don't think he's "thinking of other things as well", I believe he finds me attractive (I'm young and have pretty nice features as well as being in excellent shape) and I'm sure he's very satisfied with our sex life, I actually ask him sometimes and he doesn't have any complaints.

Anyway, we'll get him checked up and go from there.