[natski13]

My husband and i have been together for 6 years, married for 2. Before we got married i decided to make a huge change in our relationship, and cut off sex for a year before we got married. It was for my own moral reasons...we actually weren't that sexually active to begin with. My husband would get so mad because i wouldn't give in until our wedding day! So on our wedding night we did it, but it wasn't the same...and he really didn't seem interested anymore. He told me it was because i hurt him so bad and he was so used to just ignoring those urges that he doesn't have them anymore. This pretty much continued until now, we'd have sex but only if i made him feel guilty. I got pregnant twice, but both ended in miscarriages. I have sexual feelings towards him but now he just fills himself with beer, tv, cigarettes and chewing tobacco. I don't know what to do. He doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but i do. It's not like he's looking at porn or anything, he just doesn't want anything to do with sex at all. he lacks the urge, it's like hes too lazy to do it. I don't know what to do about it! Does anyone else have this problem? i just don't know if i can continue to live like this! I am not about to cheat, but come on, i'm not that ugly!

[mcmama]

He may be angry about something, and repressing it with the beer, tv and tobacco. Those will certainly turn off libido. And honestly, a husband sitting around chewing tobacco would turn me off, it is really dirty.

He sounds depressed, and repressed anger will do that. He needs counseling, or you need some for yourself.

[purelegance]

my husband is the same way -- but always has been. it sucks because i'm a highly sexual person and he's just not. if i had my way, it'd be every night. if he had his way it'd be once a week (or 2). i haven't quite figured out how to cope with it, there have been many nights i've cried because i've just felt completly undesired. i just wanted to let you know you're not the only wife out there who's husband has no sex drive what-so-ever. my husband will joke about it and say "look on the brightside -- i'll never have an affair, i can't keep up with one woman much less 2!" which is true, but hey us women have needs too! i suposse we could always start slipping viagra into dinner only kidding!

[MissyChrissy]

I'm not a sex therapist-far from it...but could it be (I'm only tossing ideas out here) that it's because you've taken control of the "sex area" of your life, and typically that's run by the man? I mean, if you go back evolutionary, the man pursued & "won" his prize...he was the "king of the bed" so to speak. By first denying him, then saying "ok", perhaps that triggered something on a subconscious level (?).

I dunno...I'd be looking into meeting up with a sex therapist. I hope you find resolution soon. For his sake too. That part of your life should be mutually enjoyable.

[QueenAngie]

Sex is never 'equal' in a marriage......there is always one side wanting more and the other wanting less.

Counseling can help. Spending more time together as a couple is also good.

There are other options like purchasing a battery operated device.

All the best!

[mcmama]

[quote=QueenAngie]There are other options like purchasing a battery operated device.[quote]

Been there, done that, bought the Energizer Bunny's warehouse.

It helps, but when you are married, the lack of interest and the denial really hurts. It is often masking other problems in the man's life, either physical, emotional, or sexual.

[natski13]

Yea, i've tried the battery operated devices...it's not really the same. the denial is what is the worst part. He's my husband!!!

Maybe I did take over the sex part in the relationship, but then i do back off. We talk about it all the time, what to do to make it better...but i'm the only one trying.

Oh well, at least i'm not the only one this is a problem for. I would just like to have sex once a month. I feel like i'm the problem, so no one has to tell me that. It usually is. thanks for everyones advice.

[mcmama]

Natski, it doesn't sound like you are the problem. Lots of women set boundaries, especially before marriage. Your husband has a problem. Don't take it on yourself.

[Alejandros Mommy]

We did the same thing before Dh and I got married....but for a few mnths...it was because we sprang out marriage right out of the blue to our families and I didn't want anyone saying the reason we got married was because I was PG. Dh at the time was very upset..but understood.......thankfully though it all went back to the way it was....

I agree with the other ladies...your DH is still upset and hurt about being chaste that whole year...I think one thing may be that you both didn't agree with it...you just told him what you wanted and wanted him to agree with it...sorry to say but this is not the right way to start off a marriage....you have to compromise...but I agree with you that this has gone for to long...it is unfair for him to continue to hold a grudge without talking to you. I suggest getting some help and counceling...you both need to talk to eack other.

[Angel038]

It is obviously an issue with himself I think, but not you. He is upset about something. He is doing all the other stuff to fill that void. But if I were you, I would have a talk with him about this and tell him how you feel and maybe try to see a doctor also because maybe thats what he needs. Good luck.