[happyfamily08]

I been married for almost five years and heres the situation. During the first year of our marriage I was not aware that my husband was bi-polar or suffered a mental illiness. Now thats is been 4.5 years, we have not had sex or been intimate, due to my husband medication keeps him from being active in regards to the side effects. We had tried viagra and other pills but nothing seems to work and I feel that our marriage has little meaningless. I have always been faithful to him and never encountered an affair and I am a stepmother to his children ages 16 & 13. Times I feel that I am just a person laying next to him and not his wife, in other words, no foreplay or cuddling/kissing. Come on ladies need some opinions or advice here.

[PennySteed]

Have either one of you brought his lack of libido up with his doctor, recently? Some anti-depressants can cause a lack of sex drive. I know that he must have brought it up at one point for him to try Viagra, but it is obviously not working. He needs to let his doctor know, they can always try him on a different anti-depressant. Is he also seeing a therapist? If so, ask if you can be included in one of his sessions. If not, maybe that is a route he needs to take.

I have been on anti-depressants for almost 4 years now. Meds alone did not work for me, I also had to see a therapist. The main thing is for him to have an honest relationship with his doctor and a supportive wife. It also couldn't hurt if you were able to talk to someone as well. You are also dealing with a lot.

Good Luck and I will be thinking of you.

[MiaCamille]

i can understand that the meds could be a problem but that shouldn't keep you from cuddling and kissing, is there still love in this relationship?

[elrhino7]

I'm wondering how you ever stay in that 4.5 years of marriage, And to the cuddling or kissing part, why not wait for him? Maybe you should be the one who needs to initiate.

[lynclarke]

You know intimacy is a tangled web of expectations, successes, disappointments, hormones, emotions, etc etc. Do I think you have not had sex for 4.5 years because of his antidepressants, hell no. Do I think the subject is far more complicated? hell, yes. Can you live in a marriage without sex? I have friends who are on their 14th year without sex- they have tried therapy, viagra, "local" injections, and **** near anything else you can thing of. What you have to decide is - Do you need/want sex? Do you need/want intimacy? Do you need/want physical cuddling? You need to figure out what you need first. After you know what you want then you can work on a solution.

[mrmnmom82]

A friend of mine has a husband with MS so they are unable to be intimate in that way, but they are still each others best friends, they still talk about everything and enjoy each others company. I don't think the problem is just the lack of sex, it's lack of all the other things that make you feel close to each other.

[enigma_wdr]

You don't have a problem in my opinion. My wife and I have not had marital relations in seven years but she is my best friend and the only one I'll ever love.
She has female problems that stop us from having normal relations but she is working to get them addressed with her gynocologist and hope springs eternal.
There is more to marriage than sex and if you don't have the love and patience to overcome that you could have a problem I wish you well in all you do.
enigma_wdr

[fatherofone]

I too cannot understand why just because there is no sex there should not be any loving and touching. You could even have non-penetrative sex where the other is just relieving thier partner of sexual tension with their hand or so.
Is the love still there?

[chio88]

The safest way is to let your doctor know about it. Initiate at times and put him into mood...even just for the kissing and cuddling

[jmmv08]

I think the need to let his doctor know about it is a nice idea. Also, sometimes we should be the one who needs to initiate.