[shaysboy]

Hi, My name is Shayla and I am an adoptive mother of an incredible 6 yr old boy, Nick. He is the sunshine of my day. I am also the biological mother of two other equally as incredible children, 5yo boy, Drew and 3yo girl, Maddy. They are also the sunshine of my day. I am for the first time looking for a support group for adoptive parents. I want to do the absolute best for my son in creating a very safe place for him to learn about his life, the gift of adoption and the ok to be stinking mad with all of us involved. Nick has a long story, but the short is this...
Born at 28 weeks and 2 pounds, Nick was diagnosed with 18 separate diagnosis that did not look good for him. The worst was the Stage 4 brain bleed that he suffered after his premature birth. When we received word of our new son, we knew that there would be a great possibility that Nick would have learning disabilities, educational difficulites, failure to thrive issues (he had laid there for 8 weeks with no one.) and possibly Cerebral Palsy. God has so blessed. Nick has ADD, an Auditory Processing Disorder and a personality that will knock your socks off. To the man on the street, he is perfect. Nick does have a difficult time processing information and because of this, he is approximately one year delayed. He is in 1st grade and will get to repeat it next year with the support of an incredible staff that loves him dearly. Nick's mother passed away 21 days postpartum due to a choice to exit the hospital without doctor's approval. She refused treatment for Hellps Syndrome and for Factor Five Leiden Blood Disorder. She died three days after removing herself from the hospital. She was young and trusted bio-dad that he knew it was best for her to leave. She saw Nick only a couple of times. The state eventually severed parental father's rights and without ever being out of Nick's sight, he was ours.
To today... we have always talked about Nick's mother. We talk about the day that God brought us together and that Nick's mother has passed away. Today, the kids were playing in the living room where I was doing laundry watching "Baby Story' and the father cut the umbilical on the baby. Nick asked what that cord was and I explained it to him. He asked if we were attached like that when he was a baby and I explained that he was attached to him "mother Hazel". He accepted that and went on. About an hour later I found him squalling his eyes out. (This is a child that only cries when he does not get his way or gets hurt). When I asked him what was wrong, he could not even answer me for the sobbing. Eventually I got him calmed down and all he could say was, "I love my mother Hazel, I really do." He then continued to cry his eyes out. Iwant to fix it all for him, what mother doesn't? but I really am in unchartered water here as I really thought we had a long time before that would occur. I have been careful to allow him to carry a beautiful image of Hazel as she was a good person. She was young and made some bad choices but she loved Nick and his biological brother. Later this evening we talked about her and he wanted so bad to know where she was, the concept of "dead" is just too hard to understand. When it was time for bed, his stuffed dog (the only thing he has that she gave him before she died) was in his bed and he told me to get it out and throw it away. So, now I think he is really mad at her. I took the dog, of course I never threw it away, but I am unsure of how to respond. I am kind of taking his lead, which is SO NOT my personality. We are strong Christian family and truly believe that God placed Nick with us for a very important divine purpose. I want him to know that it is ok to ask quesitons, to hurt and to talk about it, but man, I am not sure my emotions are prepared for all us. To make matters more complicated, we have two biological children that were attached to my tummy and I am pretty sure that is ticking him off also. Any advice? I will take it.

So, now you know my story - here I am. Can I join?
Nick's mom,
Shayla

[Godsproperty]

Your story is very touching and I'm not sure that anyone can give you the answers you are looking for except for God. We too have adopted a 6 year old boy (Caleb) who has been through tremendous trauma in his life. We have done our best to support him through his times of emotion and just to let him know that we will always be here for him. We have told him since day one that if his mother could take care of him that she would have (she is a drug addict and a prostitute), but that we are so glad that God has given us an opportunity to be his family. I think the most important thing you can do is to give Nick all of the support that he needs whenever he needs it. I have actually cried with Caleb at times because of the deep pain that he came to us with, and I can truly say that it has brought us closer together. Caleb joined our family in March, 2007 after 8 unsuccessful foster placements. We adopted him in December, 2007 and he has truly been a blessing to our family (we have 3 birth-daughters - ages 10, 11, and 14). Please continue to pray for Nick and be there for him and I know that God is going to bring him through this. Take Care

[oweirdo]

I dont know what to say either....He has been given to you for a reason, one day that reason will shine through. I remember feeling angry at my birth mom, but I could not tell that to my mom, it would have hurt her deeply. So I dealt with it myself, he is a very luckly child to have you by his side, supporting him. That is the best thing for him right now. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.