[three_sets_of_twins]

Hello all.
My youngest set of twins just turned 2 years old.
I love my children more than anythying, please dont get me wrong. But all I hear from the moment I wake up till I go to bed is WAAAAAA MAAAMAAAA WAAAAAA MAAAA MAAAAAA. and of course in sterio. I have to always chase them around the house to change their diapers or wipe their faces, If I leave the room for even a milisecond to go to the bathroom it looks like a tornado hit it. My husband is of no help whatsoever and he actually makes things worse for me like giving my kids plates of spaghetti and letting them eat it in the living room. Of course theyre 2 and its all over the carpet and the couch and the new rug....When I put them down for their nap I have to use that time to catch up on houseweork and cooking, and when bedtime comes its a nightmare. One twin goes down ok, but the other one gets out of his crib no matter how many times I put him back in. He gets out and gets in his brother's crib and jumps on him. I can't go to bed until around 11 pm cos they dont go to sleep right away and then I have to clean up or it i\will be even more work to do the next day. They love barney but they dont even watch it they just want it on the TV all the time. Theyre in everytthing. I have no social life. I leave my house very very seldomly. (without them I mean). The other day I took them to my friends house and found them on the ROOF. I have some medical conditions that get worse when Im stressed so im constantly in pain and Ive started yelling at them a lot and it kills me inside.
Please moms.....How do I cope?
I have no help....I have gotten someone to come in and clean for about an hour a day, but thats still not much.
How do you have a social life??? I barely even shower anymore!!!! I want to get dressed up and put make up on again!!! How do you have any peace??? How do I get my husband to stop being a uselless jerk??! How do I make things easier?? How do I gewt the tantrums to stop? they fight over a dirty Q-tip!!!Even as Im typing this now my kid is screaming in the background and thats why this post seems so messy!!!

[twinzplus3]

How did you do it before? Honestly, you need to get some help. Either a heart to heart with your spouse for rearranging the budget to hire help OR he needs to pitch in. There's simply no way around it with twins.

[three_sets_of_twins]

my 2 previous sets were from a first marriage and now live with their father and visit on weekends.
I really dont know how I did it before, I recollect my ex not being that involved and never home, which actually was a lot easier on me than my current one being involved in the wrong ways , ie, giving them youghurt and chocolate and lettimg do whatever they want to keep them quiet for a minute or two.
Even now as I type this Im struggling to get boys to sleep and my husband is out shopping. Ive had heart to hearts with him before, I dont think he cares.

[VinniesMommy]

I don't have twins, but I do have 2 kids that are 10 months apart, one is 3 and one is 2. It's tough. You need to have help from some where, or you will go crazy. Pick a night and tell your husband, it's all on you, I need a break before I break down. Even if you go to a movie alone, or walk around a store, whatever. You need to take time for yourself. After I had my third, I went insane. The house never stayed clean, my DH works full time and goes to school, so he was never home, and my apartment is small, so if all three kids were not sleeping, none of them were because they would wake each other up. But you have to make a plan for the day, and stick to it. Leave the house a mess one day, make them sit down with you and do something together so you have a eye on both. Good luck to you... Hope to see you around the boards!

[deedee1231]

The best way to keep them from fighting and making messes is to just keep them occupied and focus their energy in a positive direction. Instead of doing the housework while they nap, incorporate them into the routine of housework and use their nap time to do something just for you.

At 2, my twins had chores every day, just like the older ones. The need help and supervision to get them done, and of course everything will take a little bit longer than if you were to do it solo, but that keeps them interacting with you rather than fighting with each other.

They are old enough to make their beds, pick up their toys, empty wastebaskets, help with food preparation (my kids love to help in the kitchen!) they can do all sorts of things. Even getting dressed and ready for the day is a chance for positive interaction with mom. And by getting all of the work done with the kids, you are teaching them responsability into the bargain.

Other times you can color with them, play with them (cars, blocks, whatever they like). Also, I always try to keep t.v. to a minimum, it seems that bickering occurs more easily when the boob tube is on. It probably seems like you would have less time for yourself doing this, but I have actually found the opposite to be true.

[three_sets_of_twins]

thanks for the tips guys, and the sympathy! I love the idea of giving them chores to do. I do that sometimes and it does keep them happy. They like to dust. I'm going to start giving them some more things to occupy them. And will give the tv thing a try too.
May I ask, how do you moms with young twins go about social lives? Do you ever get a chance to go out to brunch? or to the mall? and at the mall, how do you keep your young twins occupied? Mine hate being in the stroller and start crying after about 10 minutes.
There are no babysitters where I live by the way. Well there was one but husband too paranoid to leave kids with a sitter. I have found a day care though where I take them about 3 times a week for a couple hours. Just started a few days ago. But I depend on a friend for transportation so I dont know if it can be a full time thing.

[deedee1231]

You pretty much either need a sitter to meet with friends for lunch or meet at a kid friendly place where you and your friends can visit while the kids play. This works best if the person you are visiting with has small children also. This is why moms tend to lose touch with childless friends after they have kids. It stinks, but that's just how it is.

You also need to accept the fact that whatever errand you are taking care of is going to take twice as long because you have twins in tow. I have been very blessed to have a supportive husband who is always happy to take care of his children when I am in need of a little time to myself outside of the house, but if that is not an option you can still do what you need to do, you just have to know that it is going to be a little more work.

[deedee1231]

I think I should add that any dad of twins really does need to do his fair share to help out with the parenting as well as helping to run the household. It isn't right for all of the responsability to fall on one person's shoulders, especially not with twins. My husband was not able to help out much with the twins when they were first born because he was working very long hours at that time. But he hired a housekeeper to come in 4 hours a day, 5 days a week, Mon, tues, thurs, fri, and saturday. It made a lot of difference. So, maybe try for another heart to heart and explain your feelings to him and let him know that you need him to step up.

Try to think of the three things you most wish he would help out with and start off with that. Three things doesn't seem like much but if it is three less things for you to do on your own that is a great start.

[roaddummy]

don't know if I will be much help, but mine were a lot like that at that age. Mine are 3-1/2 years old now. They are much better. It is a chore. But, at the end of the day, I look at two of the most beautiful children in the world and realize that they are wonderful. A short time after my twins were born, my husband got into some trouble with drugs and almost had to spend a year in jail. He got very lucky and the officer at our city jail knew he had twins that were less than a year old. She made a deal with him that if he went straight to rehab from jail, then he would not have to do the jail time he was looking at. He did go to rehab and that seemed to really open his eyes. That has been almost three years ago. Now, he is like a new person. He still has his moments where he gets lazy about things, but he helps with them, takes them to school, cooks meals and all that stuff. Just please hang in there. It does get better. I didn't think it would, but it is getting better.

[kellieb729]

I have 18 month old twins and when I need to clean up the house, I put the twins in their high chairs with crayons and paper to color on. It usually keeps them occupied for a little while and they cant fight, because they are separated. Also, it helps me to have music on. It makes me feel less stressed and the twins like to dance. When they are getting too difficult to handle, I'll put them in the cribs or put them in their high chairs with a snack while I take a shower and calm down. It also helps to let them play outside as much as possible. My boys fight less when they're outside, because they're just playing with dirt, rocks, and sticks, so there is less to fight over. Whenever they fight over anything, I take it away from both of them. Also, try to get them on a regular sleep schedule if they're not already. Lack of sleep will make kids really irritable. I get my twins to help me clean too. They love to wipe off things with paper towels and help pick up things off the floor, although it means that everything ends up in the toy box, including sippy cups and shoes. Maybe to get your husband to be more involved, you could just let him do things the wrong way and then clean up the mess himself. If he learns from experience, he might understand more than if you tell him that he's doing it wrong. My husband seems to lack common sense in taking care of the twins sometimes, but if I tell him its wrong, he'll just stop helping altogether and go in the other room.