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I would suggest that you first take some time to relax! You deserve it!!
Two year olds are a handfull! I used to work in a Montessori for years where we had fourteen toddlers with sometimes only two teachers. We were constantly taking trainings and having discussions with eachother (teachers) to figure out the best strategies of how to communicate with the toddlers. Your life will be much easier if you take some time at the library to look at some good parenting books. There are oodles of them, and I promise you will learn from them. If you learn more about how to ease transitions from one activity to the next, your life will drastically change. Bedtimes, mealtimes, getting ready to leave the house...etc. Better communication ( without yelling, guilt, etc) will be the answer.
Also your husband should be your partner! You two should be on the same page. If you are the one cleaning up the spagetti when he is the one allowing them to eat in their rooms - there is something wrong here. You should help him understand how you are feeling and find out the same in him. When you are a united front, your children will know where you stand.
You also mentioned that you hardly ever go out. I think that if you changed this habit you would feel much less overworked. Toddlers need a lot of space to play in order to get out their loads of energy. And lots of opportunities to explore their new power of decision making for themselves. If they are given space to do this they will not have you as their only outlet : )
I would highly suggest the book Dragon Mom as the first book you read.