[Nubia]

I recently had my Great Nieces and Nephew over for the week. Three children, age 4yrs, 10yrs and 11yrs. They stay often and they are generally good children. The older two do as they are told. However, the 4yr old can be very obsitinate and will not follow directions. She gets very pouty and wants to have her way. I've tried talking, giving her timeout and sometimes rewarding when she's done well. Nothing is working so far.

She ran out in the street on traffic, which of course scared me to death. She was scolded. Again, not listening. The next day she unbuckled her seat belt and reached up front and unbuckled my seat belt while I was driving. She was seated in the back when this happened. This simply was the last straw. I called her father and mother and explained this was just getting too out of control and thought it was best for them to come and pick her up. I was hoping this might teach her that when she misbehaves she will not be able to stay and enjoy the fun. She does love coming down to stay. I stated to my Nephew the other two children were welcome to stay and I would bring them back. They wanted to stay. Her father my Nephew stated to me I was overreacting and he would just take them all home. Did I overreact, am I wrong in this sitution? Great Niece, Nephew and the Children's Grandma think I'm wrong. My husband thinks I did what I needed to do. However, he warned that there's a price to pay. Because they may not want the children to come and stay anymore. I need some advise please. Thanks Nubia

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Nubia!

Sounds like you are a lovely great aunt to those three.

That was not a fun way to end a good time for any of you.

What the 4 yo was doing was truly unsafe actions - running out in the street, unbuckling her seatbelt, and unbuckling your seatbelt. Apparently she felt the rules did not apply to her and that she was obviously pushing the envelope.

Did her parents feel she has done this at home? What did they do?

What alternatives did you have? You tried talking to her and time out. Plus giving her a reward for good behavior. Did her older brother & sister try to get her to behave or did they make her behavior worse? What about a swat on her clothed behind?

Could she have stayed with your husband, while you took the two older ones out?
Maybe sat on the sofa while he was watching the ballgame on TV.

Will they come to your home to visit again? I do not know.

Sounds like the 4 yo is a handful right now.

All the best!

[MissyChrissy]

Aw (((HUGS))) I do think sometimes the "younger generation" of parents has a hard time hearing about their children misbehaving...and they don't like their children to be "disciplined" at all by anyone else.

I think you were in the right. My nephew unbuckled once in my car while I was driving, and I instantly pulled over, hitting the breaks hard enough to grab his attention (while not actually skidding or screeching to a halt) but got right out & physically buckled him, yelling in a FIRM voice about how EVERYONE MUST BE BUCKLED in my car (you get the picture). His mom was with me...but since she has a tendency to ignore him & let him do whatever in her car, I HAD to be the one to "punish" him in my car.

Safety is the driver's #1 responsibility...if they're this mad now because you wanted her to buckle, imagine how pissed they'd be if you actually got in an accident & she was injured.

I don't know if they'll get over this any time soon or not. Really, it'll hurt the kids the most if they choose to stay mad at you. You did the right thing...but I don't know how easy it would be to convince them of it. I think, in future, perhaps if they allow them back again do what Annie suggested & when the 4-year-old acts up, make her sit on the couch with your dh or something along those lines.

[Nubia]

Thank you for responding Queen Angie and Miss Chrissy. I feel so much better knowing that others can see this is a serious matter and required a stiffer punishment. However, I don't think going home early was followed through properly since the other children had to leave too. When my Nephew and his wife came to pick them up it was strained. The children knew we still had other things planned for the remainer of their stay and they were somewhat upset about that. I haven't spoken with my nephew since and feel I should. I'm really surprised he would take the stance he's taken. My husband and I are the only aunt and uncle who really participates with the children on a regular basis. We are in our mid-fifties and still, go bikeriding, fishing, swimming and rollerskating. We are very active.

You asked if the older children helped or made it worse. Well, they do tell her to behave or apologise. The little one doesn't really want to apologise. The only thing I see as a problem is the older children will pat and rub her hand while she's being scolded. I've talked to them and told them they shouldn't do this while she's being corrected. To answer your other question, no I don't feel comfortable leaving the 4yr old home with my DH. Sometimes, I'm out with the children 4-5hrs. My husband is a wonderful, kind man. However, he doesn't have the patience to sit with a 4yr old too long and I'm like a mother hen anyway.

Well, before they all left I did state that I hope they won't withhold the children from coming down in the future. My Nephew was quiet and my niece stated because we disagree doesn't mean they will withhold the children. Whatever happens I will deal with it. I still stand my ground, children need guidence and love. All we do should be in the best interest of the children. Thank you both for your encouragement. Nubia