[kjdama]

Well, I'm not sure how I'm going to be handling a newborn in the fall with my two older children... I would love to get some advise from other parents who have older children and babies in the household!

My son will be 11yo in October, and will be in the 5th grade this fall. My daughter will be entering 3rd grade this fall, and is currently 8yo. I'm due September 15th with another boy.

This is my main problem:
my son has such an attitude, and it has gotten progressively worse over the last 5 months. I know he's going into this pre-teen attitude phase right now, but it's not easy to handle, and how do I know that my pregnancy is not affecting his attitude? When I was pregnant with his sister, we were separated for about 9 months- to make a long story short, he was not present at her birth, and he didn't meet her until she was nearly 8 months old. I have the feeling that he's apprehensive about this baby becasue he was not present when his sister was born. He's the most problematic right now of the two.

I'm not as worried about my daughter, because she has always loved to be around babies, and helped her aunt take care of my two nephews when they were born in '06 and '07.

Any help would be appreciated!!

[Alejandros Mommy]

Have you included him in your PG? My oldest was 7 when our Aiden was born. We included him in everything. U/S tests...doctors appointments, we went shopping with him to buy the baby things and then spent some one on one time with him. He was wonderful when his little brother was born. I think that including him in the whole process was something that he needed in order to get his mind around being an older brother.

I aslo make it a habit to have mommy and Alejandro date nights. I sepnd the whole day with my oldest. We go have fun, eat out, watch movies...just get away from home. It is something I feel I need to do as I am a SAHM and sepnd most of my time with his younger brother. Having time with my oldest help him not feel excluded.

I also don't stand for attitude....I do get it but I take things away. I give no warnings now as my oldest knows what the rules are. Ant extra activities he does are taken away for a day. TV time is also taken away and he is not sent to his room as it has toys for him to play with. He can read or find a quiet thing to do and if he continues he is sent to Sleep.

HTH

[kjdama]

So far, he's not been allowed to come with me to appointments, partly because I've been scheduling them during the day when both are at school, and partly because I've been seeing a counselor at most of my appointments to help me deal with some other stressers in my life. But school's getting out in two weeks, and hopefully he can come to the next u/s I'll have. He has helped his grandma with buying baby clothes, and picked out some great stuff!

It's just really hard to even get him to want to go anywhere with me at all. He'd rather stay at home and sleep, or be with his friends playing outside than go anywhere with either me or his dad.

I did have a talk with him today, after he gave me an attidtude and walked away from me while I was trying to talk to him- so I made him come back inside and come into the bedroom ...I layed down my expectations of him and gave him reasons why he will not be allowed to continue with these attitude/snide remarks and walking away from me. I told him I'd ground him from even going with his friends if he keeps up with this- I've already taken away the video games, which originally he would get back once school gets out, but I told him I may hold on to them longer the rate he's going.

I found out today as well, that he's been talking to one of his friends mom about a few things-so I asked him why couldnt' he have come to me to talk to me instead? He really didn't have an answer for me. Is it his age, or is it something else entirely??

[twinzplus3]

To be honest with you. . .I don't think that it's reasonable to assume that just bc they are a certain age they have to go through certain phases. Like Lessly. . .I would never allow my children to talk back. . .and so they don't. They have learned that it's simply not acceptable, that it's not going to get them their way, and that I am in fact, the one in control.
To me, it sounds like you probably need to spend more time with him alone just doing fun stuff, that whatever is stressing you out is probably stressing him out and that you simply haven't been strict enough but have justified his behavior by either his age, ("just the pre-teen stuff) or the fact that there's a baby on the way.

If you haven't been training for obedience from the get go, but have allowed/justified poor behavior then it might take awhile for things to get better--and it won't get better once the baby comes, in fact, it'll get worse.

Something that dh and I do regularly is sit down and think about each kid and think about a character trait that we'd like to help them work on and a "plan" to get there. It's not a magical parenting cure. . .but I would encourage you to spend some time thinking in that direction. Pre-teens do not have to have their pre-teen attitude stuff.

I would encourage you to to stick to what you said you'd do the next time he cops an attitude. No arguments, no yelling. . .simply matter of fact if you do this then I have to do this in order to be a good parent--be that grounding etc.

[MiaCamille]

i agree with the ladies i don't think that age is a factor, i have 3 kids, my oldest will be 11 in 2 weeks, i have a 7 1/2 year old dd and a 2 1/2 year old dd, we do not let my children talk back and if they do we reprimand them it's not acceptable in our home, we are strict but lovable, i think that kids need to know what they can and cannot do. My son came to a few of my docs apts and came for a u/s with my last dd and enjoyed it very much, we made him choose some clothes for her before she was born, we had both him and my younger dd buy the baby a special gift that they could each give to the baby when she was born. Kids enjoy being involved and we need to be involved in their lives and ask questions, kids don't talk very much if we don't ask questions. Good luck.

[SueR]

Kids will usually develop an attitude unless they are given a sufficient deterrent. In our house disrespect means a spanking and grounding until the attitude changes.

[kjdama]

I guess I should have clarifyed that this attitude is a recent development, starting right before the holiday's and then suddenly getting worse in the last 5 months.

We've never allowed the kids to talk back, and it hasn't been a problem, until these last 5 months. I'm doing nearly everything that you ladies have suggested, but nothing is seeming to work with him. He has worse mood swings than I do right now!!!

[QueenAngie]

I'd suggest every evening after supper, go for a long walk w/ DS alone. Preteens & teens will talk if they start walking w/ you.
Make it just 1:1 time together.

[kjdama]

I've been trying to spend more one on one time with him, and it seems to be working. He's not as angry with me all the time or mouthing off as much. If it weren't so hot still in the evenings here, I would go out and walk with him. I can't stand the heat right now.

I think right now I'm having an easier time being with him alone becasue school is out and he is really bored. He has actually asked to do things with me the last few days, and has even offered to help more with the cleaning and household chores!!