[funnyyetsavvy]

Hi,
I'm happily engaged to a wonderful man. I'm 43 he's 56. We've been together almost a year. We both have good sex drives, but he wants to wait til our wedding to 'consumate' the relationship, which is ok with me, we still have a great time Just one thing tho, he doesn't get hard - ever. The most I've seen is semi. I've never had a partner with this.I've mentioned it and he says it's no big deal and that it's been that way for a few years (2). He does 'finish' when we play, but not from an erection.He is a health person, no prescriptions or drugs, takes vitamins that's all.
I love him very much, but I'm at a loss that this doesn't seem that important to him (given our very physical relationship) and don't quite know what to think.
Anyone else with knowledge about this? I mean, he talks about his past sex life like there weren't issues, and he talks about how great sex will be once we're married, and that all sounds right, but how can it be that he never gets erect?
I just don't know how to approach this, and I don't want to make him feel bad about it. I'm just wondering could it be an age issue?
Thanks for letting me ask....

[Samual]

It could definately be an age issue, but it could also be a health issue, could this maybe why he does not want to have sex before marriage as he wont be able to unless he is fully erect. Have you suggested to him going to the doctors for various impotence medications? If he wants that great sex life, he needs to make sure there is nothing wrong and his little fella just has an age issue which can easily be helped.
It would be a touchy subject with most men though, so as long as you are gentle about it, hopefully you will make progress.

[funnyyetsavvy]

Thanks for responding, as one point he did say that if he needed to he would see a doctor, but I'm not sure if he really would.
I kind of wondered if maybe he just has a lot of willpower and is waiting...maybe?
It doesn't impact my decision to marry him, but I would like to be sure his health is good. My ex had Hepatitis C when we married and didnt know because he avoided doctors, and so when I got pregnant it was scary for me because my baby and I had to be tested. Fortunately we did not have it.

[Blessed0608]

Sometimes only intercourse would make him fully erect, but if it continues after that, I wouldn't necesarily check it off as an age problem. In many cases impotence whether severe or not are caused by blood pressure issues. If he has high blood pressure, it would almost certainly affect his erection. So I would definitely have him see a doctor only for a check up to make sure that his overrall health is fine.

[mcmama]

Sounds like age to me. He should visit the doctor - before you get married - and honestly discuss it, maybe get medication for it. And be honest with you. You really don't want a marriage where he's hiding a health issue. It can be pretty embarrassing for him, and maybe he is dodging it.

Honesty about sexual health is very important for you, for both physical and trust reasons. Best to be open about it.

[lynclarke]

Huh? Do you see something odd about "he wants to wait"? What 56 year old guy wants to wait until marriage? 50 year old dating men are randy old coots because they suddenly get this big hormone rage from infatuation...and love. Talk now! You do not want to get married and THEN find out that he is impotent or can only get an erection at 3 AM with werewolves howling and Shirley Temple re-runs on the TV. Do you see what I mean? There is a piece of the puzzle missing here. It is fine if you do not have an active sex drive or if cuddling is sufficient for you. I think his attitude may be covering a bigger issue which may include his inability to face problems. IMHO

[beth]

I was wondering if he has strong religious beliefs surrounding his decision not to have sex before marriage? Is this the case? If not, it would be best for you if he had a complete physical before the marriage takes place. The problem could be physical, it could also be an emotional issue. Best to find out beforehand. Even if you would still marry him regardless, it is best to start out your marriage on a platform of honesty.

[funnyyetsavvy]

Yes, it's for religious reasons, and I'll leave it at that...
His blood pressure is fine, he has seen an MD recently, and he does take vitamins B complex and E every day...
As I think I mentioned, he did say that after we're married, if he needed it, he would talk to a dr. It's just that prior to marriage, if they give him something, and as a previous poster mentioned, it takes intercourse to see if it works, then we still wouldn't really know.....
Oh and he definately has a VERY healthy sex drive. No issue there, I assure you He's wonderful.

[funnyyetsavvy]

I agree that I would feel better if he had a physical, because I wonder about stress, and I will ask him to do that, maybe he'll agree to mention it to his Dr.

[Elizabeth_Kane949]

That is a very difficult thing to deal with. Do you talk with him about the issue? What does he say? This is my area of expertise so if you would like to write to me privately I am happy to see if I can offer some advice.
Elizabeth Kane

Link removed by admin
Please read our TOU regarding advertising in our threads.