[vanaden]

I NEED help. I need someone to listen, someone to help, some advice, someone to trust. Someone who's not going to judge me.
Last night I discovered something on my computer that seriously, I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I found that my husband had begun to watch a movie called "sick nurses". There were other things. It didn't look like he had gone into anything in depth to look at porn , or searched for it or anything. But it hurts so bad. He tried to lie about it of course. I have found stuff before. Nothing has ever been severe but even the littlest thing is horrid betrayal to me. THEN after all that I found out he is smoking weed behind my back. He has LIED repeatitively about it, I have asked him numerous times and he said "why would i do that?". WHY DID HE LIE TO ME?????? What am I doing so wrong. HE tried to blame it on me and say I lied because you will scream at me. Like it's my fault he lied.

I feel SO betrayed. I don't want to go home. I don't want him to touch me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be betrayed again. I don't want to judge him like he says I am.

What am I supposed to do??????

[erinellakal]

Oh Megan! That is not good.....none of it!
I usually say 'to each thier own', but lying about things just to stay out of trouble from you....how childish and disrespective!
I don't have any advice, just want you to know that you're not wrong to be upset. Anyone would be angry and hurt if someone you love betrayed you by looking at porn and lying to you about it and about smoking pot.....gggrrrrr!!! I am mad for you! lol
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[DivasMomma]

you can PM me if you feel like talking.....we are going through the SAME stuff.....exactly the same...dont have any advice...but we can at least talk

[KR258]

I am so sorry. I wish I had some good advice. I would just sit down and tell him how it makes you feel when he does these things and how it makes you feel when you find out he's been lying to you. I am sorry you're going through this with him. 's All men make mistakes at some point but that doesn't make it acceptable, it doesn't make it okay. It was very disrespectful to hide it from you and by hiding it he's showing he knows what he's doing is something he shouldn't be doing. I wish I could be there for you and actually help...but I'm always here if you want to talk.

[vanaden]

How am I ever going to feel normal again? We are supposed to be living our life for God and instead the devil is sitting at the dinner table. I'm not refering to my husband, I'm just saying he openned the door to hell in my house. I just want to give up. What about me isn't good enough? I've never been enough for anyone in my life. What is so wrong with me?

[LovingJesusinAZ]

Here are HUGE hugs for you, Megan!!! I haven't been through this myself with my DH, but have numerous close friends who I've sat with, cried with, listened to, etc. as they've had to deal with this. It sucks. End of story. I will be praying for you and your DH.

I understand that "not being good enough" feelings. I feel that way myself, but here's the truth (and what I have to cling to with every fiber of my being): You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God made you exactly who you are. Since God is perfect, and therefore incapable of mistakes, you are who He wants you to be.

You've shared bits of your story on here and I know that you've had to deal with a lot of crap in your life. God has been beside you, walked you through those times, and revealed Himself to you through them. This is no different. I pray that as you and your DH work through these tough times your marriage will become stronger (I know it's hard to see that right now)

BTW--there are Christian resources about this. If you'd like more info PM me!

[mrmnmom82]

He's defensive because he knows what he's doing is wrong. You deserve to be respected, and he is not respecting you by looking at alternative things. You should try to calm down before you talk to him. Try not to make it about judging him, but about what's good for your relationship. Let him know how this behavior makes you feel, "not good enough".

I hope you two are able to sit down and work this out. It's going to be a difficult discution, hopefully not a big fight, but it is important that you work through it and not run from it or sweep it under the rug.

[KR258]

IMO You did nothing to deserve this. You trust in God andtry to live the way he wants you to. You shouldn't feel like something is wrong with you or that you're not good enough because I really don't think it's about you at all.

Men sometimes say they do things because something was lacking in their relationship but it usually is that something is wrong with them. Something is lacking in their own life. Not because of their partner but because they aren't happy with themselves in some area.

I would try to have a session with your pastor....I think it would help you both understand where the other is coming from. You should never ever feel guilty about it no matter what anyone says. You're a wonderful woman.

[mcmama]

Listen sweetheart, you are NOT being judgemental. You are being honest. This stuff repulses you. It speaks of evil in your home. And besides the content of what he was surfing for, the true evil is the deceiption - and the lack of consideration for you.

Has he found a way to blame you for what he is doing? That sometimes happens with porn and online behavior.

You have very strict religious precepts - more strict than most people here. Is he part of that, or does he just humor you and go along?

It isn't as though you caught him looking at Playboy. It sounds like you caught him looking at fetish porn, and if my guess is right, that is particularly denigrating to women, and abusive. The effect on a Christian marriage is this: If he is to love his wife as he would his own body, and his body is stimulated by images of women being degraded (or degrading others) what does that say about how he loves you?

HE has failed. NOT YOU.

Counseling now. Serious, Christian counseling now. Before you can throw out the porn, you have to root out the deception he is buying into - lying to himself and to you.

How dare he break your heart this way. How dare he.

[2girls]

I wish I had some advice for you....
I am sorry that he did this to you, it's just not fair for anyone in your household.
I hope you can get this worked out.