[cjscott]

I have an issue which may be unusual...I am so frustrated and angry, i need some input....
6 years ago I married a man who had five children, the oldest at that time was 19, the youngest 6. We did not have full custody, but the time we had them I spent loving them, nurturing them, etc. Also during that time, his oldest daughter married and had two babies. I was present at the hospital during both births. I have acted in every capacity as those babies grandmother. I also have given all five children and the two babies presents, money, etc etc.
During the past year, my marriage slowly started to deteriorate, culminating to me leaving on August when my husband attacked me. I found out later that he also had been cheating on me.
His adult children refuse to have anything to do with me. when i email them telling them they will always be part of my life, they say that I am "involving" them....
the most painful is I am not allowed to see the grandchilidren. My husband is now telling me that they are not my grandchildren.. I know by blood line they are not, but I since they were born, they have been told I was their Mom Mom. It has been two months since I have seen them.
What bugs me the most is I am being told that they are not my grandchildren. And my husband, who never faces anything, is saying it is not up to him, he has no control over it. I say that I in every sense I am their grandmother, and he should speak to his daughter on my behalf and insist that I am allowed to see them.
What does everyone think?
thanks

[MissyChrissy]

(((HUGS)))

Legally, I think your husband is right. I don't believe there's a thing he can do about it. I'm so sorry, what a terrible, heartbreaking position to be in. I hope things work out. It's obvious you love those kids a great deal.

[cjscott]

I guess what I am also asking is, even though I was a step grandmother, wouldnt you think I should be considered the babies grandmother? or am I the one who is way off base here?

[mrmnmom82]

Maybe all of this is too new. It sounds like it was a messy divorce, or soon to be divorce. Maybe once it calms down a bit, they will be ok with you bringing the kids a gift, and visiting at Christmas time.

[Momof2kids]

I believe that legally you do not have a bond---step or not. But maybe once the heat does calm down you the "adult" children will see your honestly and kindness and let you back in. Make sure that if you do see them or talk, you do not bring up their father or what he has done. It is none of their business and maybe they just don't want to be put in the middle. I hope that they let you back in---keep trying

[mcmama]

I had a step grandma whom I regarded as my grandma. And I knew my two bio grandmas too.

There isn't a thing you can do, other than remain in touch to some degree - Christmas cards, birthday cards, etc. If he is violent, then likely the adult children have been involved before, and have learned to blame the victim.

Since he attacked you, your focus is to now stay safe. Also, asking him to ask them seems manipulative, since he is the one who attacked you. Gets confusing.

It is very difficult that they treated you as family when it was convenient, but now that you have been attacked you are not family anymore, and the past six years mean nothing to the stepchildren. They have probably had a bit of drama in their lives prior to your arrival.

[mrmnmom82]

It also might be a way for the kids to protect themselves. If their father is volitile, they don't want to do anything to upset him, like keeping in contact with you. They're probably scared of him.