[Sirener]

I'm 33 years old and was in an 18 month relationship that just ended becuase I wouldn't have an abortion. I have two sons, ages 13 and 7. I have never felt so alone in my life.
When I first told the father that I was pregnant, he said he wasn't ready to be a father. That left open the options of abortion and adoption. However, he felt the only choice was abortion. We had an appointment at the clinic, and all I could do was cry. I couldn't go through with it. Something scared me, I told him I wanted to go home. He took me home, as fast as he could, and then broke up with me.
He thinks that since he stuck around for 5 weeks after he knew I was pregnant he did not leave me due to the pregnancy. He does admist it was becuase I didn't have an abortion.
For the past few weekes we've talked and seen each other on occasion. Last Saturday he said he wanted his old girlfriend back (me prior to pregnancy). I believed this was because of the emotional train wreck I had been due to hormones, stress and uncertainty. However, after a few days he distanced himself once again. I think he's actually trying to find someone else to date.
I'm not sure how to feel. I know I feel abandoned, alone, and hurt. I don't know if I should keep talking to him or not. I don't know if this is becuase he's scared or because he doesn't love me.
Sometimes I feel like I should give up and have the abortion becuase I don't know if I can go through this alone. But the right thing isn't always the easy thing. What's right? Who will be with me during the pregnancy and labor? How can he act like this is my fault and that he has no responsibility becuase it's my decision?