[jgreene]

My oldest child is only 4.5, so I am just learning the ropes of how unpleasant kids can be to each other. My daughter is very outgoing and friendly, so she is constantly approaching other children at parks, etc., to play. But at the parks and even at her school, kids are sometimes so mean already! They will say things like, "I won't be your friend," "I don't like you," "I won't play with you," and even call her names such as "poopie." OK, these may not sound so bad, but they make my daughter cry (and they upset me!) and I am afraid they will start to affect her self-image and confidence. Does anyone have any advice about how I should tell her to deal with these mean kids? Is it better to just walk away, to recite "sticks and stones..." or to say something like, "You are being mean and I don't want to play with you either!"

[bluetree]

i think you label the problem and then walk away. "you aren't being kind. i am not talking with you unless you stop."

[jgreene]

I like that! Very straightforward and to-the-point. Thank you for your suggestion. I don't think I ever had to deal with blatant teasing until seventh grade, when an obnoxious boy tormented me as often as possible. I was very shy and upset by it all, and I doubt I said much of anything. I wish I had stood up for myself then and said something to his face. I have heard that bullying is getting more common, but I'm not sure how that is gauged!?

[Momof2angelsinAZ]

I have to agree with Bluetree. I think that is great advice and that is how I teach my children to deal with those kinda issues. plus it really makes the bully think about his/her actions when all the other kids are laying together and the bully is left out because of his/her actions. I have to say it is sad that bullies are getting younger and younger. Wish you luck with this and I hope your DD is not affected to much by this.

[jgreene]

Thank you! I will do some role playing with my daughter and hopefully it will catch on. I know it can be difficult to stand up for yourself when others are mean, especially when such behavior is all new to you. She is my oldest child, so she is not used to being picked on by older sibs, etc.

[Tsunshine]

I wrote a blog about bullying and how parents can combat it. http://parenting.families.com/blog/preventing-bullying
I was bullied as a child and it took me a long time to get over the effects. It is serious and you need to deal with it.

[shoshanna]

I think it is definitely good to teach your child how to handle that kind of bullying on her own as much as possible. She won't always have you there to help her through it. The suggestions that the others provided are really great. If you can help her learn how to respond now, she may even do better with any teasing she encounters in middle school when it gets so much worse!

[mcmama]

I would not get too involved with the bullying at this age - she needs your support in learning how to stick up for herself. She should know that if she shows she is upset, it will encourage bullying further. I like the idea of stating the problem and walking away. Usually kids who are bullying as a peer group thing respect that and drop it.
I blogged about adolescent bullying - basically, children need to know that they have your support!

[beth]

I would always tell my daughter that bullies are not happy kids. I would ask her that if she'd just had a great day, with a few friends around and some great food and she felt very happy, would she then feel the urge to bully someone or say something unkind? She would say "No". So she very quickly got the idea that there was something wrong with the bully and not her. After that, she just passed on that advice to her firiends if the same thing happened, and she was never bullied because she simply didn;t believe there was anything wrong with her that would warrant that type of behavior.

[mamaip]

I have been dealing with this same issue with my five-year-old son. The other day while at preschool, another child attacked him in a playhouse where the door was closed. I know the word "attacked" seems dramatic but that's what happened. He knocked my son down then scratched him on three different parts of his face and then apparently attempted to bit his knuckles! AUGH! As a mom I was very upset of course. Seeing your little "baby" being "beat up" is crushing. I like the idea of role playing a lot. I think that if something is happening more than once, the parent ought to tell the teacher what is going on and get feedback. If it continues after that and if it is bothering the child then I think the parents should be told. The first step however, I think, should be to tell your child to address the situation and then walk away. Usually that will take away the problem - at least we hope so. If not, then I'd go to the other measures. I was teased unmercifully as a child and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially my own children. Bullies come in many areas, from verbal to physical. It's sad, but kids have to learn how to deal with them, and parents need to be there to support them.
NOW....on the opposite angle - what if YOUR child is the bully. What do you do then? I'd like to hear this side of the discussion, too.