[purelegance]

not sure if this is really a debate or not, feel free to move.

When is it ok for you to "parent" somebody else's child? Is it ever okay? Does it matter if they are family or a stranger? How much do you tolerate before drawing the line?

[purelegance]

i was raised in a fairly large family, so disciplining came from everybody, although the actual level of discipline varied based off they were my Dad or cousin. i think because of this, i really have no issues with correcting a niece or nephew's actions, especially if it's affecting my child. i have high expectations from them, as i know their parents and i know if they know better or not.

that said, i tolerate a lot more from a stranger's child. if they're acting up, i just assume their parents are lazier than what i'm used to, and the child therefore must not know any better. little things, i will ignore & probably just leave the area. but if that behavior immediately concerns the health/safety/well-being of DD (or future DS) i will tell them to stop & find their parents.

[QueenAngie]

If any child were in immediate danger,
I would step up and remove them from danger.
Common sense tells us this.
The closest adult to a child about to fall down the steps,
would grab hold and move the child to safety.


If we are talking about poor table manners,
I am thinking that is up to the parent to redirect.

What do you think?

[DK615617]

I have become an old grump, but I am so so so sick of dealing with snotty terribly behaved kids because their parents are lazy. I used to just bite my tongue and not say anything, now, I speak up, and if a parent has a problem they are going to get an earfull.
I can't help it, my tolerence for lazt parents is gone. It may not be the right way, but I can't seem to help myself.
We were at the waterpark where there is a seperate pool for 5 and under, and there was some kid who may have been 5 still and he was trying to climb up the water slide!!?? Are you kidding me???? There are 15 month olds going down this slide (it is small) and this kid is climbing up!!!!!! And what is his momma doing?? Yep, she is sitting on her big old butt tanning and talking to her friend, while her kid is taking out kids left and right on a WATER slide....so I told him to stop climbing up, he could slide down but not climb up. He looked scared but he did not climb up again while I was there.
Then at gymnastics open gym there was an older boy running around and most of the kids there are 12 months to 5 years, he was about 8....(not that his age matters, just that he should know better) He pulled up the mats along the 25' long trampoline so that if some kid fell or got popcorned off they would bust their head on the CEMENT. So I told him that he needed to stop, and to put them back. (up to that point his mom, who was too busy talking to her friend, had told him, Oh honey, stop) Well, after I told him he did stop.
I just can't stand people who let their kids endanger other kids lives. Yet they would be the first to sue if their kid got hurt.

[jkl123]

I am a strong believer in "it takes a village to raise a child". I have no problem correcting a child, and dittoif another adult corrects my children. However, discipline should be spelled out by the parent. Someone else can tell my child to stop doing something, but it should be up to me what the consequences are.

[letschildproofdotcom]

I think it is perfectly fine to parent some one else's child. If some one saw my child doing something they they obviously shouldn't do, I would be happy if another concerned parent stopped them from doing it and told me.

Of course their is a limit though. I don't want anyone disciplining my child more harshly than I would. No beatings, cursing, etc.

[angelic_ky]

Originally Posted by jkl123

I am a strong believer in "it takes a village to raise a child". I have no problem correcting a child, and dittoif another adult corrects my children. However, discipline should be spelled out by the parent. Someone else can tell my child to stop doing something, but it should be up to me what the consequences are.

ditto... i've corrected kids for not sharing at play group even tho it wasn't Gabby that they weren't sharing with... basically if a child's behaviour is some how negatively affecting others then i will nicely explain to that the child that they need to stop whatever it is cos it is effecting others... when it comes down to manners i often just make a comment like "oh, i didn't hear your manners." but leave it as that... i have corrected children for sampling (taking a taste of something then putting it back or taking a taste putting it aside with no intentions of eating it then getting another one) it's just gross and wasteful

[purelegance]

Originally Posted by jkl123

I am a strong believer in "it takes a village to raise a child". I have no problem correcting a child, and dittoif another adult corrects my children. However, discipline should be spelled out by the parent. Someone else can tell my child to stop doing something, but it should be up to me what the consequences are.

well said!

[Samual]

No, I believe it is wrong, I also don't agree with the old saying that it takes a village, that is only the case if the parents can't be bothered. I have only ever been parented by my own parents, they raised us properly so we didn't turn into horrible misbehaving children if we were left with grandparents, teachers etc.

[ruthann8]

I will not “parent” someone else’s child. But I will discipline them and To discipline “means to instruct a person to follow a particular code of conduct” And I by far do not have high standards, I am a quite relaxed parent.

In a public place or in my home I will first give the appropriate person the chance to step in but if they do not and the behavior continues I will instruct a child or an adult that I feel a certain behavior is inappropriate and they should stop.

If someone is an immediate threat to me, my family, or any other person, or animal I will step in immediately. If that means I have to physically remove a child or adult from a situation I will. I will not punish a child. If the threat cannot be resolved I will notify authorities.

We rightfully should be able to feel safe and enjoy city parks, pools, and various other things. If I hear a swear word I’m not going to jump in and complain but if someone is swearing up a storm I may ask them to quite down. I realize that people all have different standards but too much is too much.

Now things like table manners, video games they play, or TV shows they watch, public tantrums, food they eat, are none of my business. I have yet to not visit family or friends because of these issues. There are certain things that I have asked to be corrected while we are visiting or we will not visit. No one yet hasn’t done as I asked or complained about it, like no smoking while we are there, or making sure any guns are locked up, or pool doors locked, etc. I’m sure I may run into issues when she gets older but we won’t worry about that right now.