[xzandra]

I need to know how to help my friend. She was raped by someone she really trusted. Now she is extremely depressed and she cries a lot. I don't know what to do for her. I want to cheer her up, but nothing I do seems to help. Is there anything I could say or anything that I could do that might make her feel better?

xzandra

[MJ7]

I think just being there and listening to her is a lot. Encouraging her to take control over the situation rather than have IT take over her is good too. If you can, even offer to go with her if she'd see a councelor. It can be such a lonely time when a woman gets violated in such a way--esspecially by someone she trusted. Do her parents know? You sound like a great friend to care so much about her.

MJ

[pattiewrites]

I agree with MJ about the counselor. Your friend needs counseling to work through this issue. Has she reported the incident to the police? She needs to do this. Although she may be embarrassed or humiliated, the person needs to be punished for this. Rape is a serious crime and most will do it again to someone else. If he is punished for the crime, it will help her heal from the experience. Your friend is in my thoughts and prayers.

[xzandra]

Nobody knows about this besides me. She doesn't want anyone else to know including her parents, counselors and the police. I just feel so useless when trying to make her feel better. How long do you think it will take for her to feel better? It will be two weeks ago this Friday.

xzandra

[mcmama]

She needs professional counseling. For one thing, the person who raped her will probably do it again to someone else. He may not even regard it as rape, just a "conquest". If law enforcement would need to get involved, it is harder to prove that a rape took place if she waits. But that doesn't mean that she should keep from getting help for herself.

You cannot make her feel better, the healing starts from within. She needs professional help. Call a rape crisis center or a women's center - they respect confidentiality, and they can advise you what she needs.

Some girls do not want to tell because they are afraid that if the rapist is caught, they will be blamed for putting a popular guy in jail. So by not telling they are protecting him - and he keeps power over them. Actually, if they tell, they are doing other girls a favor, and freeing themselves from the rapist having power over them. It's easy for him to keep controlling her through her silence if this is someone she knows and trusted.

She should get help for herself first. A crisis center will help her to know what she can do to take care of herself and really feel better. It is not easy, and it will take a while. One step at a time, and deal with the rest as it comes. Good she has you for a friend, huh?

[mommysqueek]

I agree with everyone else. Someone needs to be told. Keeping it bottled up in side can only make matters worse. She needs to speek to an adult about what happend.
Is there any family members that she can trust?
There is a number you can call its free and the person should be able to help your friend. 1-888-999-1677. Please have her call this number and get some professional help.
Your a good friend for being there for her.

[xzandra]

Originally Posted by mcmama

She needs professional counseling. For one thing, the person who raped her will probably do it again to someone else. He may not even regard it as rape, just a "conquest". If law enforcement would need to get involved, it is harder to prove that a rape took place if she waits. But that doesn't mean that she should keep from getting help for herself.

You cannot make her feel better, the healing starts from within. She needs professional help. Call a rape crisis center or a women's center - they respect confidentiality, and they can advise you what she needs.

Some girls do not want to tell because they are afraid that if the rapist is caught, they will be blamed for putting a popular guy in jail. So by not telling they are protecting him - and he keeps power over them. Actually, if they tell, they are doing other girls a favor, and freeing themselves from the rapist having power over them. It's easy for him to keep controlling her through her silence if this is someone she knows and trusted.

She should get help for herself first. A crisis center will help her to know what she can do to take care of herself and really feel better. It is not easy, and it will take a while. One step at a time, and deal with the rest as it comes. Good she has you for a friend, huh?

The guy doesn't really seem to see it as rape, but he doesn't see it as a conquest either. He sees it as an accident. He wants me to talk to my friend and ask her to forgive him and he says he is really sorry and he never meant to hurt her. I told him to stay away from her and not to even think about talking to her.

I have never heard of a rape crisis center, but I don't think my friend would go to one. She doesn't want anyone to know. I just want to make her feel better. She is my friend and I really hate seeing her so sad.

xzandra

[xzandra]

Originally Posted by mommysqueek

I agree with everyone else. Someone needs to be told. Keeping it bottled up in side can only make matters worse. She needs to speek to an adult about what happend.
Is there any family members that she can trust?
There is a number you can call its free and the person should be able to help your friend. 1-888-999-1677. Please have her call this number and get some professional help.
Your a good friend for being there for her.

I can't tell. She asked me not to and I promised I wouldn't. She doesn't want her family to know.

xzandra

[mommysqueek]

If your friend said No. No means No. and it is Rape! The guy is probably shaking in his boots. Thats why he's sorry now. I think she should call the number and talk to someone. It cant hurt anything and no one has to know anything.

[babydawn]

I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to my friend in high school. The thing about a rape crisis number is that she can call and get some help and it is over the phone and completely confidential. Her family wouldn't have to know. Now as an adult, I understand why everyone is saying her parents should know, but I understand where you and her are coming from because my best friend had the same feelings. She did eventually tell her parents and they were able to help her so much more than what she could do on her own. Encourage your friend to at least call the rape crisis line.... remember, completely confidential. Here is a link to the national website which also has the toll free number. http://www.rainn.org/ She may find a lot of help there, and no one else she knows, would have to know until she was ready to tell them.