[SELLMOMONEBAY]

Hello Everyone! I am new to the forum and looking for others in this site that are caregivers to their parents. Almost 6 years ago my father passed away from a brain tumor. My mother is 73 years old and lives on her own and can't drive or take her groceries in and she can't do many things but is still living in a house with 3 acres of land. She has been very stubborn about moving to a smaller home or down sizing and refuses to listen to me about this issue.
My life these past 6 years have become a living ....! I loved my father deeply but my mother and I as I was growing up never really got along with each other. I had to learn to know my mother all over again after living away from her for 16 years in another state.
Her mind is clear but she is very picky and you can't please her on anything you do. She finds fault with everything and basically is driving me crazy. I have been the only one in my family taking care of her and I am so exhausted. Everytime my phone rings I cringe and end up having panic attacks now. Never had panic attacks until I got stuck with my mother.
I have to do everything. Take her grocery shopping, load her groceries, take her to doctors do household chores for her. It's just that she is so darn picky. I have an injured back from two years ago from an accident and am having a hard time healing because I have to lug in her wood for her fireplace. I love my mother, don't get me wrong but when am I going to get my life back. I have not had a life for 6 years and don't know how much longer I can hold out caring for her. Thanks for hearing me vent! I'm pretty sure your going to see alot of me!

[Alejandros Mommy]

Hello and welcome to families.

sounds like your mom still wants to be independant...which is good! BUT it is leaving you pulled in many directions. I suggest since your mom's "mind is clear" that you make out a schedule with her. One for when you will go grocery shopping and on outings. Then you need to stick with it. Make sure she makes a grocery list, at least a weekly one and go through it with her the day you go shopping.

Make it very clear to her that you love her BUT you also have other obligations as well and can't cater to her 24/7...she may be cross and hurt by this but you need this.

As for chores...get her to hire a cleaning company to come out once a week. Then you can also come once a week...that should leave you some breathing room. If she complains then tell her that you will no longer be helping her clean her house if she doesn't want your help. She should hopefully "get it".

As for the wood...do you have a s/o that can do that for you? My in-laws have a mini wood pile near their fire place...it makes it easier then going in and out all the time...and if you can get a s/o to help with this while you clean it should make your life better.