[clifpi]

this is a very sad event and I feel for you both...
Here are my thoughts and yes everyone is different. If you truly have the desire to stop this, you will stop at any and all costs. Remove the computer from your house (or at least the internet access) or have your wife set up a password so only she could use the internet, stop the text messaging capabilities by cancelling the service on your phone. As pride swallowing as that may be, you need to start somehwere. I have gone through this a couple times with an ex who always went online behind my back. Although we are not together now, I learned a ton from the situation.
Counseling is fine and dandy but its nothing compared to the work you need to do outside of the sessions. Understand that counseling is not the end all, cure all. You attend maybe once or twice a week, one hour per session and some have different programs but for the most part, you are on your own. You seem to lack something in your relationship but it is likely within yourself. Recognize what that is (ego, pride, self-esteem) and work on rebuilding it. It takes alot of time and tons and tons of effort. So you really need to want it. Do NOT blame your wife.
You did great by taking responsibility. Many men can't even do that. Right now you feel guilty and that is a natural feeling and it stinks. Don't beat yourself up any more and forgive yourself. Right now, step it up and work on repairing things. Be compassionate to your wife. Listen to her and recognize there are going to be days when it is going to get rough...ride it through. She is going to need you and you are going to need her. Be a team and work on it together. If you put nothing into it, you will get nothing out of it. Again, it is alot of work...be strong..you are the man in your family and everyone looks to you for that strength. I firmly believe people can change but you are not changing by making the same mistakes over and over again. You seem like a good guy inside, leverage that quality to help you make things better. You don't need to move in order to have a fresh start. If you and your wife both want this, you will succeed. Some of th best relationships are ones that can overcome adversity. I wish you the best of luck.