Relationship problems where do I go from here.....
At the end of February of last year I found out my husband of 11 years had been talking to another woman at work. He was calling her on their days off and even went to see her a time or two. I figured out a month later because he was always missing my calls and telling me "oh I forgot and left my phone on silent" or "I wasn't around my phone when you called". Well when I found out I confronted him and he told me they were just friends and that nothing happened between them that all they did was talk on the phone and that when he met up with her they just talked.
Well it upset me badly. We do not keep secrets from each other. But the last straw came in March when I found his phone on silent. So I ask him about it and he told me that he forgot to take it off. I ask him was there something going on. He told me no. Then 2 days later I ask him again and that was when he told me everything.
He told me she was divorced and that he was going just to talk to her about her problems. She a put alot of things in his head. One was that she was recently divorced and understood what he was going through. When really all she was trying to do was get him into bed with her. Which he said he never did.
Well her I am almost a year later and he is acting wierd again. It is hard to get the thoughts out of my head on what he did to me previously. He said that what he did previously was not cheating. But in my book and the way I was raised I believe it is? He hid it from me so to me he was guilty and now I am afraid he is at it again. Anyone have any advice for me? Am I worrying for nothing? I am afraid to ask him because I love him sooooo much and don't want to lose him and besides we have 2 children together.
will he consider couseling? even if he isn't doing anything now, he has already hurt the trust issue with you. You guys need to work that out before you can move past it.
Well in April we went to counseling with our preacher at our church. He told he he did not think that what he was doing was cheating. Our preacher told him that in most eyes it is considered cheating. He did tell me in counseling he never mint to hurt me but I feel like he is up to his old ways once again.
Wish that I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you and your DH.
Could you go back to your preacher for more counseling
or
go to a counselor on your own alone?
How do you feel that you can trust him?
Have you been for your annual exam this year? Maybe it would be a good idea to check for any STDs.
Am thinking that another new friend will also offer you advise.
__________________
Hello from Central Illinois, USA!
We are Peanut Butter & Jelly =
Sandwich Generation.
28th Wedding Anniv in 2009.
Blessed w/ 2 sons: age 23 & 20 in college & my elderly father 87, our 'older kid.'
The trust is there sometimes. But here lately things feel different again. I will take your advice and make an appoint to see the doctor. My emotions are crazy and my aniexity is really bad. When we went to counseling with the preacher he told him that he thought I had been cheating on him. I told him that I have never cheated on him and never would that I love him and our kids more than anything in this world. I have felt like asking him to go to counseling again but I am afraid of what he might say.
It sounds to me like he said that about you to the preacher because he was trying to cover up his own mistake by tossing you in the fire.
And I'm sorry, but it is cheating what he did. The bible says that even a lustful thought toward anyone but your wife or husband is commiting adultry.If he is just making excuses for what he has done, he's pretty likely to do it again.
Forgive me if this sounds angry, I'm just appaled at the excuses people make for the way they treat others!
Thanks to everyone who has replied. It feels good to have someone to talk to besides family. He hasn't even told his parents what he has done. If they find out they would have a fit and possibly never talk to him again.
Before he tells his parents, he had better be honest with you. It is cheating. The preacher says it;s cheating. You say it's cheating.
What his parents think doesn't matter - and if YOU tell them, things could backfire on you.
He needs counseling. And so do you. Go for yourself if he won't go. Tell him you need further assistance for dealing with a cheating husband who says that what he is doing is not cheating when to you it is.
Don't let him bamboozle you. To say he is not cheating when he admits to what you said is adding lying to it. And if he lies about this, what else is he lying about?
Yeah, some of us who were married to those guys who did stuff but werent "really cheating oh come on" really have trust issues......
Get some counseling for yourself, maybe from your preacher or someone your preacher recommends. You need strength for yourself.
Relationship problems where do I go from here.....
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