[swt1899]

This is a great section. As some of you know my dear cousin attempted suicide. She checked into a hotel room and overdosed on insulin. She was found by the maid and was taken to the hospital. She stayed in ICU heavily sedated since she aspirated into one of her lungs and had a bad infection.
She made improvments over the 3 weeks she was in there and even began to nod her head when someone asked her a question and moved her arms and legs when told. So the doctors wanted to move her to a guarded care facility so that she could continue to recover and eventually come out of sedation.
Well, October 3rd she was moved via ambulance to a new facility. But in the 15 minutes she was transported something happened in the ambulance and her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long. The brought her back to the hospital to the ER and she was pronounced brain dead. She passed away October 4th at 3:30am.
We thought she had this beat. We thought she would be able to come back to us. We had planned on her going to a facility to mentally recover from her attempt at her life and to get counseling.
Our family was shocked at what happened to her. My cousin, 37, had died. She left a daughter, 15. She was a nurse and a true friend. At her funeral, tons of flowers arrived, every seat filled. She had so many friends and people in her life who cared for her.
Our remaining question is "Why?" There was not a single warning sign. No sign of depression, anxiety, sense of hopelessness, no talk of death or dying, etc. She appeared to us as happy as she could be. She had been on a medication to quit smoking and this has been linked to other suicides in the nation. So it was either this or she hid what worries she had from the rest of the world. We really have no idea.
There is an investigation that the hospital and doctors are leading in the cause of her death. Four doctors had cleared her for transport. Why did she die?
I wanted to see if there are any people out there who have attempted or had anyone in their lives committed suicide and had no warning signs. We are trying desperately to figure out what happened to my cousin. We miss her dearly.
Thanks!

[beth]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so hard to deal with because to others, it seems like an unnatural death. Often for the person who attempts suicide, it seems the only thing to do. Sometimes there are signs, sometimes not. Your cousin may well have kept her pain closely guarded, so that no-one or only a very few suspected anything was amiss. It is also common for people to seem quite buoyant and happy just prior to commiting suicide, this is usually because they have made the decision and they feel a great sense of relief. In the end, there is really nothing that anyone can do to stop a person intent on committing suicide, and friends and relatives need to be reassured of this. I hope that the hospital report gives you some kind of closure on what happened during the move. It must be distressing to come so close to having her back, and then she slipped away for an unknown reason. Perhaps you can derive some comfort from the fact that the latter was not of her choosing. I wish you and your family well in the coming months. Beth

Originally Posted by swt1899

This is a great section. As some of you know my dear cousin attempted suicide. She checked into a hotel room and overdosed on insulin. She was found by the maid and was taken to the hospital. She stayed in ICU heavily sedated since she aspirated into one of her lungs and had a bad infection.
She made improvments over the 3 weeks she was in there and even began to nod her head when someone asked her a question and moved her arms and legs when told. So the doctors wanted to move her to a guarded care facility so that she could continue to recover and eventually come out of sedation.
Well, October 3rd she was moved via ambulance to a new facility. But in the 15 minutes she was transported something happened in the ambulance and her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long. The brought her back to the hospital to the ER and she was pronounced brain dead. She passed away October 4th at 3:30am.
We thought she had this beat. We thought she would be able to come back to us. We had planned on her going to a facility to mentally recover from her attempt at her life and to get counseling.
Our family was shocked at what happened to her. My cousin, 37, had died. She left a daughter, 15. She was a nurse and a true friend. At her funeral, tons of flowers arrived, every seat filled. She had so many friends and people in her life who cared for her.
Our remaining question is "Why?" There was not a single warning sign. No sign of depression, anxiety, sense of hopelessness, no talk of death or dying, etc. She appeared to us as happy as she could be. She had been on a medication to quit smoking and this has been linked to other suicides in the nation. So it was either this or she hid what worries she had from the rest of the world. We really have no idea.
There is an investigation that the hospital and doctors are leading in the cause of her death. Four doctors had cleared her for transport. Why did she die?
I wanted to see if there are any people out there who have attempted or had anyone in their lives committed suicide and had no warning signs. We are trying desperately to figure out what happened to my cousin. We miss her dearly.
Thanks!

[QueenAngie]

Suicide is very painful mentally & physically for the individual,
and it ripples so that the pain goes to the family members, friends,
and co-workers.

It is very, very sad and we are so sorry for your loss.

I do not know your cousin, but she must have been a kind, loving, and wonderful mother, cousin, friend.

Am certain she would not have wanted the ripples of her pain to continue to her loving daughter or to others.
She had to have been extremely distraught.

What happened in the transport? We may never really know the answer to the respiratory problem.

What I do know for certain, that if God is ready for you, that is what occurs. No doctor, or nurse, or EMT can change that outcome.

Apparently God called her home to a better place with no suffering or pain. It was just her time.

Sending you warm hugs & prayers!

[MissyChrissy]

(((HUGS))) I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grief, and that of your family's, will be deep, and long. Just due to the nature of it. I strongly urge every one of you to get into individual counseling to help cope with this. You don't have to do this alone.

I lost an uncle to suicide when I was 10. There were signs with him. I'm still haunted by his death, and not one day goes by that I don't think of him and what might have been. I'm turning 32 at the end of the month.

I attempted suicide when I was 16. I like to think I hid what was going on from everyone around me...but the truth is, I believe if someone were looking for the signs, they were there. I wasn't running around talking about it, or crying or anything. No drug/alcohol abuse either. I attended school...I hid it. Why? Today I don't even know. I was a different person then because a disease called depression had ahold of me. It took control and I wasn't me. I acted like me, smelled like me, and felt like me-a sad, hopeless, despondent me-but me nonetheless. I did NOT believe it would EVER get better. I knew my life was worthless-there was no point in living. It hurt in a physical way that is indescribable...the lyrics "...guilt stricken sobbing with her head on the floor..." takes me back to those days because I would often weep in that position...for hours. Always at night, when everyone was sleeping. Why didn't I ask for help? I don't have that answer. My attempt was my cry for help-and I only happened to be lucky I wasn't successful.

I'm afraid with suicide there are always more questions than answers. I can only suggest and offer support.

[mcmama]

As part of his training for being an RA at college, my son got basic training for handling crisis. One thing he learned was that when people really want to commit suicide, they will do it. When they want intervention, women tend to use pills and things which will necessitate a rescue, guys will use weapons or threaten to jump and make sure someone knows so they can talk them down or interfere.

But when someone really wants to go, they just do it. They may leave a note, or they may make sure that a certain someone will be the one to find them, but they just do it. That is the difficult thing, because in a res life job, people always want to know that they did their best, why didn't they see this coming, what could they have done differently. Even when they leave a note that says "not your fault, I just want to die" the effect on loved ones is still guilt and self recrimination.

I've noticed with some people I have met that emotionally abusive husbands threaten suicide when the wife finally says enough, the marriage is over. And they make sure the wife knows every time they try something, so that it becomes her responsibility to rescue them. Sort of like saying "you can't leave me, you can't let me die".

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by mcmama

As part of his training for being an RA at college, my son got basic training for handling crisis. One thing he learned was that when people really want to commit suicide, they will do it. When they want intervention, women tend to use pills and things which will necessitate a rescue, guys will use weapons or threaten to jump and make sure someone knows so they can talk them down or interfere.

But when someone really wants to go, they just do it. They may leave a note, or they may make sure that a certain someone will be the one to find them, but they just do it. That is the difficult thing, because in a res life job, people always want to know that they did their best, why didn't they see this coming, what could they have done differently. Even when they leave a note that says "not your fault, I just want to die" the effect on loved ones is still guilt and self recrimination.

I've noticed with some people I have met that emotionally abusive husbands threaten suicide when the wife finally says enough, the marriage is over. And they make sure the wife knows every time they try something, so that it becomes her responsibility to rescue them. Sort of like saying "you can't leave me, you can't let me die".

I'm horrified that they even teach that. I worked in a mental health office that offered crisis intervention services, AND I took college level crisis intervention classes myself and scored an A in that class...in both instances, and a visit to any reputable suicide prevention web site says it is a huge mistake to say someone who talks about it isn't serious and they're only doing it for attention.

One assessment tool is to ask how they'd do it-if they can respond specifically, they have a PLAN and that indicates they've put time and thought into it. More than just talking about it.

Yes, women take pills a lot-but mostly because they want to look pretty, even in death. They don't want their heads blown off or their faces smashed. How many pill taking suicides end up successful every year? Far too many.

Please-DO NOT ever think for one moment that someone talking about suicide isn't serious about it. Some just do it...some talk about it. It's as unique and individual as the person is from others.

[mcmama]

Oh no, he was taught to take every threat seriously. Also, there's a thin line between violence to oneself and violence to others. Some people cross that, some don't.

The point is that he was also taught that when someone really succeeds, with no warning, it's important to understand what signs you might have missed - but also to understand that you likely would not have been able to prevent this.

Sure every threat should be taken seriously. Someone over doses and if they are not rescued, or if the right medical intervention is not given, then that is definitely a suicide that could be prevented. And follow through is always necessary. People who injure themselves are desperate for help. So every college needs to train their personnel for a planned response.

But I do have a friend whose mother every now and then calls her up drunk and says you never visit me you never loved me, I might as well kill myself. It's sort of a drunk depressed Fred Sanford "I'm coming, Elizabeth" routine. That used to send the daughter into a tail spin, and she would do what mom wanted. Now she just says - well mom, you always say that when you drink too much. If you are really going to do that,I love you but I can't stop you. It has really cut down on these incidents, and her mom is very much alive and now in old age.

No, all threats should be taken seriously by an RA. He just thought it was interesting that more women than men use methods which might not be so immediately final.

He had an interesting year last year. Most of the incidents with violence or suicide were fueled by alcohol and drugs. He's had to pick people up off frozen sidewalks and carry them inside while calling security for an ambulance, and he had to restrain someone who put his fist into a flat screen tv. His first night on desk duty, a girl escaped a date rapist by jumping out a second floor window.

[butterflies77]

When I was 21 my boyfriend shot himself in the head. It was horrible. I joined a support group called L.O.S.S. - Loved Ones Surviving Suicide. It helped me so much. I felt lost, being with others who understood this type of loss and being able to talk about it (and cry) helped so much. I would definetly recommend something like that for your cousins daughter (and the rest of the family), she needs to be able to talk about this and it may really help if it's not someone in the family. I'm sure she has so many different feelings right now, she needs to be able to express them and not feel guilty. I'm praying for her and your whole family!

[mcmama]

Welcome butterflies 77! Does LOSS have a website?

[swt1899]

That's what helped me ease some of my fears. Growing up, suicide, in my faith is considered a sin. I prayed so much that she would be spared from any punishment. Her death as a result wasn't by her hand that that helps some. Thanks.

Originally Posted by beth

I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is so hard to deal with because to others, it seems like an unnatural death. Often for the person who attempts suicide, it seems the only thing to do. Sometimes there are signs, sometimes not. Your cousin may well have kept her pain closely guarded, so that no-one or only a very few suspected anything was amiss. It is also common for people to seem quite buoyant and happy just prior to commiting suicide, this is usually because they have made the decision and they feel a great sense of relief. In the end, there is really nothing that anyone can do to stop a person intent on committing suicide, and friends and relatives need to be reassured of this. I hope that the hospital report gives you some kind of closure on what happened during the move. It must be distressing to come so close to having her back, and then she slipped away for an unknown reason. Perhaps you can derive some comfort from the fact that the latter was not of her choosing. I wish you and your family well in the coming months. Beth