[mcmama]

Are there legal resources for homeschooling parents who are divorcing and being beat up with the custody evaluations over how they homeschool?

The parent I have in mind is a great mom, home schooling, and divorcing someone who is seriously abusive and dysfunctional. She's done the whole program with the kids - some of whom are autistic, some gifted, etc. Homeschool has been a part of it - not the whole thing. Some of her kids are enrolled in school. She is very cognizant of meeting each child's individual needs. Home schooling has been a response to that as well as attending various early intervention programs, mommy and me stuff, and school activities.

The custody evaluator knows better than to say she's a nutty home schooler. But the criticisms - kids aren't getting a social life (yes, they are, as much as any rural kid does on teams, in art classes, etc) messy house (she cleans a lot, but they have a large family, the abuser has in the past faulted her for not having the house clean for him when he comes home, made her clean it and then deliberately at 11 pm thrown actual dirt all over the place and said "clean it up") being lazy, (NOT!) and blamed her for problems some of her in school kids are having. Like so many abusers, this one's got lawyers up the wazoo, connections in the community, and extended family who refuse to believe the unbelievable about him. And the court appointed custody evaluator has sided with the one who is most likely to win at trial - the one with the money and influence.

The homeschooled child does not want to see her father the abuser who is a nut job. Hence the idea that this mom has isolated this particular child, turning her against her dad and others, being selfish with her. Chances are if she went to school, she'd still have issues with her dad.

When homeschoolers divorce, or are challenged for child custody by other family members, are there legal or informational resources they can use? I know that most of the effort is about the legality of homeschooling, resources are for curriculum etc - but it seems that this is something that an abuser can really do some damage with in family court. Any help available?

[SeekingmyLord]

I am sorry to say that family court is so unpredictable. Her attorney needs to be prepared to address any accusations about homeschooling, but I would hope that the judge does what he/she is meant to do, which is to judge what is presented on a case by case basis. The judges have a great deal of latitude in decisions to dissolve marriages, particularly when children are involved. The judge can order psychiatric evaluations for the children and for the parents as well. Depending on the age of the child and laws of the state, the judge can take into consideration the wishes of the child regarding visitation also. In court, it is mostly about what impression the judge has on the situation; unfortunately his/her own biases come into play also.

Regardless of the homeschooling, your friend would do better if there had been a history/records of abuse--that is, there were several police reports about this activity.

[mcmama]

Thanks. They've already gotten through the evaluations, which is the problem. Although she has been very diligent at keeping up with IEPs, meetings, early intervention, home school groups, teacher conferences, etc, the evaluator the judge appointed basically looked at who is most likely to win and based her opinions on that. Her ideas about home schooling and about autism are really off base. Nevertheless, this is to pressure the woman to settle, and of course the accusation that she is homeschooling one of the kids to isolate her and turn her against the dad.

There are public records of the abuse, but dad is well connected, and the powers that be want to give the poor fella a chance to make it right. Basically the court appointed hacks are finding her guilty of being a wacky homeschooling mom, and a bad mom who does not delegate and won't share the kids with dad. In order to make himself look good, he has to make her look like a really bad parent for doing good things.

So I'm wondering what homeschoolers do when their rights to custody - and their right to homeschool - is challenged in court? If this dad gets 50 50 residential, likely she will wind up doing all the same stuff she does now - in half the time - and he'll undo it. And home schooling will have to stop, regardless of how beneficial it is for the child (who is gifted)

He has serious psychiatric issues, and it's documented, but it appears to be ignored.

If the kids say they want to spend more time with dad, that's evidence that they should. If they say they DON'T want to spend more time with him, that's evidence that they should, and that she's a bad mom. Just is not fair, and she's being painted as a looney for home schooling, and being criticized for every decision she's made concerning their special needs kids, which he has not been available for.

[ahermitt]

Like I said privately, ... HSLDA wouldn't touch it. The only time homeschool prevails is when parents agree... it is so funny how parents seem to be in agreement over homeschooling until divorce is on the table, then one parent is a looney and the other is trying to "save" the child.

[quote=mcmama]Thanks. They've already gotten through the evaluations, which is the problem. Although she has been very diligent at keeping up with IEPs, meetings, early intervention, home school groups, teacher conferences, etc, the evaluator the judge appointed basically looked at who is most likely to win and based her opinions on that. Her ideas about home schooling and about autism are really off base. Nevertheless, this is to pressure the woman to settle, and of course the accusation that she is homeschooling one of the kids to isolate her and turn her against the dad.

[ahermitt]

http://homeschooling.families.com/bl...sue-in-divorce

[JeanLynn81]

The mother's problem with this lies in one statement you made:

Just is not fair, and she's being painted as a looney for home schooling, and being criticized for every decision she's made concerning their special needs kids, which he has not been available for.

What the courts want to do is protect what is in the child's best interest, and getting a full education would be one of them. What they are going to do (if the custody is a 50/50 split) is try to determine if dad is going to uphold his end of it, and educate the child properly. If he has never been involved, then what are the chances of him doing a good job? Or, even doing it at all? The courts can order him to do it. But really, what would that accomplish?

I think her strong point would be, well of course getting more time would be in her favor...but she needs to be able to prove that she can do everything she works so hard to do fulltime, and do it in half the time. Do you really think thats possible?

I am all in mom's corner here, and I hope she finds the help she needs. But this is going to be a really tough battle for her. Does she have the money to fight it?

[mcmama]

Custody is just wack sometimes. It never fails to amaze me that a mom is doing all the right things when she is married - and then when she loses the approval of the husband through divorce, suddenly all the mom stuff is the subject of all kinds of scrutiny.

I don't see homeschool continuing with 50 50 custody - they've already started the whole thing of putting the child in school, because of all the chaos that has ensued with this separation - but the evaluation of the mom is about when she was homeschooling - as part of a pattern that shes doing stuff all wrong.