[swt1899]

This is a hard entry for me to write. My cousin, Karen Loper, passed away this morning at 3:30am... with her father by her side.
Odd thing about this is that I had a dream last night about her. She and I were smiling and talking and she waved at me and said her usual "Hey, what's goin' on?" and I said my usual "Not much." I waved back at her and she smiled. I don't know if this was her goodbye to me, but if it was, I am ok with that.
If you have been reading my entries about my cousin, you know how much this whole thing has been weighing on all of my family.
Karen decided to attempt taking her own life 3 weeks ago. She was in the hospital in ICU, sedated. She had been making small improvements along the way and even began nodding her head to questions and even moved her leg when her father asked to sit on the side of her bed. We thought we were winning this battle. The doctors decided that she would be able to move into a guarded care facility at another hospital. That way should be with her same doctors, guarded care all the time, and would be near her family. They attempted to move her yesterday. During the time they transported her, something went wrong and her brain went with out oxygen for too long. She was declared brain dead. My dad called me yesterday afternoon and told me what had happened. I prepared myself for the worst... as best as I could. Began to accept the inevitable. This morning at 6am my uncle called me to tell me that Karen had passed away at 3:30am. They were on the way to tell my grandmother at her home. I hope that she is able to take this ok. She's 90 and has been having a hard time dealing with this already.
I am also very worried about Karen's daughter, Jessica. She's 15 and the whole thing hasn't really absorbed. She doesn't have a dad in her life. Her and her mother were so close. I just don't know what she is going to do with out her. She'll move into my uncle's house, but how she'll cope with life with out her mother is worrying me so. These are the years where a mother's presence and love are so vital. I know it was for me. It isn't fair for her to go through this. I just pray that we can all come together for her and be there for her any way we can.
I think I am worried MOST about Karen's eternal salvation. I don't judge people on their actions or try not to. But this is a serious thing for me. I began praying for her soul last night. I hope that she has repented of her actions and is in God's arms right now at peace. This scares me so much. I know God is a forgiving God. I just hope He has welcomed her home. I have forgiven Karen of her actions here with us. I know she didn't want to hurt us. She was in a world of pain that she couldn't bear. If you could just say a prayer for Karen and then say one for us.