[selfhelpqueen]

I am not quite sure where to start so I'll just start with how I'm feeling. I have five boys, my youngest being 15 months old. I just found out yesterday that we're expecting our sixth child and I was expecting to find that out for about another year or so....if we decided to take it that far. Anyway, I am happy I'm going to have another baby but I'm scared to death. Scared because it is so physically hard on my back to carry the baby. Scared because of my unpredictable hormones that I have no control over. Scared because of the depression during pregnancy. Scared because I have never been successful at nursing my children. Scared because I don't know where I'll place another body in my home or what new vehicle we'll get because we won't all fit now. Scared because I feel so incompetent as a mother and feel I have no business bringing another person into this world. Scared of my response to the first person who asks me if I know what birth control is.

I haven't told anyone (but my DH and very close friend) because I'm just not ready to deal w/ my friends and family. I'm not sure what I need to hear. All I know is I'm feeling a little loopy right now and I feel like a basket case. I feel like I sound so ungrateful, but I'm not, I'm just scared.