[tryingmybestinsask]

hi i 'm a single mom of a 17 year old daughter who has told me a while go that her and her boyfriend are having sex ! yikes !
i had " the talk " with her about taking proper precautions and so on... and that i am not at all hapy or " ok " with this. She is just as naive, if not more naive than i was at 17... SO... I WORRY.
I'm not too old to remember what it's like being a teenager... i remember thinking my parents knew nothing and that they were old fashioned and lame, etc.
But i got pregnant myself, with my daughter in high school. And my whole life changed in a split second after finding out i was having a baby. The father left me immediately so i went thru it on my own, but with my parents help... but not without getting yelled at, called awful names, etc.
i went thru hell... my teenage life as i knew it was over. i'm 36 now and i've grown up a lot. i love my daughter but she is turning into a replica of myself, when i was a teen... going to parties, having sex, arguing with me, lacks respect... being lazy, the whole bit. And the sex part, really scares me. I told her she is to never have sex in our home... but i've found condoms and i just know what she's up to... i can't always be around to watch her or follow her around to see what she's up to when she goes out... all i can do is talk to her and tell her i'm concerned and what my rules are and give her info about the responsibility involved in having sex, and possible consequences. But she's very mad at me and will not listen. She just says that they love each other and are being extra careful... But somehow, that still doesn't sit well with me at all. We have become enemies who fight or just barely talk at all, unless it turns into a fight... anything to do with her not doing her chores, staying out late, her being disrespectful, her grades at school, her not cleaning up after herself, and yes, now the whole sex thing ...
What to do ? I can't lock her up, I can't control her every move.. I get *****ed at from my own parents telling me that its all my fault that my daughter is the way she is... plus they threaten me saying if anything bad was to ever happen to my daughter, they'd blame it ALL ON ME. My relationship with my parents has been very up and down and dysfunctional, since i myself was a teen.
They are verbally abusive, controlling, bossy, judgemental, critical, nit picky and like to constantly point fingers at me of blame, etc. I don't know what to do anymore... i cannot seem to win... with them, and trying to get thru to my daughter is not working. I don't think anything will change until she grows up...
I know because i was once a teen myself.... but my daughter has even more attitude and is more demanding and mouthy than i ever dared being at her age...
i try to be here for her yet a responsible parent, but her temper can really be a terrible thing to witness when i lay the law down and try to keep some balance in who is the boss here. i try to take her feelings into consideration and be fair, to listen to her, and help her too... but i get nothing back but attitude, anger, resentment and rebellion. it might all be " typical " ... but its also upsetting me very badly. I feel i've lost all control and respect ... like what i say, think and feel does not matter to her very much, cause she'll just do what she likes anyhow. Then i get my parents all up in my face, telling me just how bad i am of a parent !
I have a boyfriend too, and he and my daughter DO NOT SEE EYE YO EYE.
THERE IS SO MUCH TENSION WHEN THEY ARE AROUND EACH OTHER. HE hates the way my daughter treats me and so on, and sometimes it does cause a fight... I am doing the very best i can, and now i'm also in the middle of him and my daughter.. i say, the two of them, after me being with him for a year now, should hash it out without me already ! i understand both their sides to a point, but with me having my own struggles already with her ... and my meddling parents; because they say they helped me raise her so she is always going to be their business... ugghh... i am at the end of my rope.
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE HAVING SIMILAR PROBLEMS OR ANY HELPFUL ADVICE ?
T...