[dspiv20]

My husband has never been close to his sister, but I have always tried to have some kind of relationship with her. The last couple of years it has gotten so bad. They moved near us to be close to us and to my mother-in-law (her mother). Ever since then things have gone down hill. They get mad at us alot and stop talking to us and we never know why. They tell my mother in law that we dont care about them and that we think we are better than them. My mother in law tells us that they are very jealous of us because we are much bettter off financially than they are and because my mother in law spends alot of time with us. We have never acted in any way better than them so we dont know where that is coming from. My husband has given up but my mother in law deserves better than this, I know she suffers. Any advice on how I can make this work for everyone.

[lolo]

Family is everything. No matter the tension (unless it is abusive) it is worth giving it a chance. You might try having a family get-together on a regular basis. We have four a year - Easter (a week before), Father's Day (theme party), Thanksgiving and Christmas (a week before). If the family is large enough there would be minimal time spent with them - just enough to make them feel welcome. My younger sister and her husband are not my favorites ( nor I them), but we keep it friendly at the family events. If you get along with your sister-in-law you can invite her shopping or to lunch and keep the conversation light.

[Amanda045]

Have you tried prayer? I find that holding my family up in prayer works best. If you're not a Christian, perhaps that where the problem comes from. God's word teaches us to treat others as we would like to be treated and if they don't return the treatment, continue until they have no other choice but to.

[NewYorkMom]

I know this may sound cliche, but all you can do is offer your hand in friendship. Since your husband is so exasperated at this point, maybe you could call your sister-in-law and invite her for coffee or something similar. Maybe if you can connect with just her one on one, mother-in-law and husband excluded, she will start to warm up to you more and some of her insecurities (or at least what sounds like them) may start to wash away.

[VBliss]

Unfortunately, you can't act for anyone else but yourself. Try separating yourself for a period of time -- coordinate family events separately if you are not already doing so, etc. Though your mother-in-law is well intentioned in her attempts to keep you up on their goings-on, do your best not to take these things to heart. By ignoring these comments, you will also take your mother-in-law out of the middle of the conflict and put her nearer neutral ground. If at some future point, your husband's sister reaches out to you again, the relationship can then be repaired. Don't let geographic proximity trick you into forcing emotional closeness.

[platinumblondemom]

I really like what NewYorkMom suggested.
I, too, have a difficult sister-in-law. Unfortunately, it's my husband's brother's wife. She's mean. There's just no other word for it. At any rate, I work hard to guard myself against the mean things I feel, or want to say, and work to show her the courtesy and forgiveness I would like to have shown to me. However, after you've done all you can to make peace, there comes a point where you have to let her behavior just roll off your back, and get on with doing what is best for your whole family. Realize, as it sounds like you do, that the problem is hers, no matter how hard she tries to make it everyone else's. Don't say anything bad about her in front of your kids (assuming you have some). Rise above the problem, setting a great example for the whole family. Continue to be kind, and keep your chin up!
The alternative is to get a dartboard, put a picture of her in the center, and get really good at throwing darts!

[taysouth]

Hi! I really enjoyed your writing...it sounds like we have a very similiar situation. My husband's brother's wife is also very mean...no other words about it but just plain mean. I was inspired that you said you show her the same forgiveness and kindess you want---big kudos to you! I just feel like I try to do that and end up getting hurt every time I'm around her. Does it ever get better? I just wondered how long it has been this way for you? I feel like I'm driving my husband crazy because every time we are at a family function I end up talking about how mean she was to me all the way home. Best of luck to you, thanks for sharing your experience.

Originally Posted by platinumblondemom

I really like what NewYorkMom suggested.
I, too, have a difficult sister-in-law. Unfortunately, it's my husband's brother's wife. She's mean. There's just no other word for it. At any rate, I work hard to guard myself against the mean things I feel, or want to say, and work to show her the courtesy and forgiveness I would like to have shown to me. However, after you've done all you can to make peace, there comes a point where you have to let her behavior just roll off your back, and get on with doing what is best for your whole family. Realize, as it sounds like you do, that the problem is hers, no matter how hard she tries to make it everyone else's. Don't say anything bad about her in front of your kids (assuming you have some). Rise above the problem, setting a great example for the whole family. Continue to be kind, and keep your chin up!
The alternative is to get a dartboard, put a picture of her in the center, and get really good at throwing darts!