[llc325]

Hi I am new here. I am 32 years old, happily married for 13 years. We have a 12 yr old daughter and a son on the way (8/6). For eight years my husband and I have been trying to have another child without luck until now. My whole family is fully aware of all the issues I have encountered. I never dwelled on them I was just always thankful that we were blessed with our daughter.
Here is my issue. My younger sister was married this past August. In late November I found out I was expecting. Due to all my previous problems, DH and I decided not to share the news until March with our families. When I did tell my parents my mom said "oh your sister just told us a few weeks ago she is also expecting". I was happy for her and excited that our child would have a cousin so close in age. I am due August 6 she is due Nov 2.
Since then there has been a total strain between my sister and I. She seems upset that I am expecting also. She has always been the center of attention and can't handle not being. I haven't spent much time with my family because my husband and I have been really trying to help our daughter through this transition. She did not handle this news well at first. She has been the center of our world for 12 years and felt threatened. So we have been putting all of our effort into her.
My neice (from older sister) who is 8 asked me if I was having a baby so Aunt D would not get attention. I figured she heard it some where, an 8 yr old doesn't come up with that on her own.
My sister's shower is scheduled for Aug 9, and this upsets me. I have to have a c-section on 8/6 so there is no way that me or my daughter (by the way she is her god-child) will be able to attend. I think this was done intentionally and it hurts me. We use to have a really good relationship, but these pregnancies have a pretty much ended it. what should i do? Should I tell her I am hurt or just send the gift? I just found out the date of the shower. My mom is throwing it and everytime I asked anything about it (where when) she would avoid the question. I thought it was because she was throwing her a shower and didn't offer to throw me one, but now I think it is because mom knows this date is uncalled for.

[mrmnmom82]

My sister and I have been pregnant together 3 times now, she is preg. with #6, we find it funny that it has happened this way. We both like to have our kids about 2yrs. apart, she is due in Aug. and I am due in Dec.. When she first mentioned it I thought she was accusing me of getting preg. when she was on purpose, but she went on to say she just thought it was a fun coincidence. Our children get along with the cousin thier age, it makes play dates pretty easy.

considering all the trouble you went through just to get pregnant, and that you were pregnant first, it doesn't make much sense to think you did this just to upset her. That's just silly. I would say, yes send a gift to the shower, maybe even see if your daughter wants to get a ride with someone to go to the party, unless you think they will say rude things in front of her. In a supportive group, your daughter could get a lot of praise and attention for being a big sister, which might help with the transition a little.

I would talk to your sister. She sounds selfish, and the kind of person that jumps to conclusions without thinking it through, so it may not do any good, but I think it's worth a try, unless you would get too stressed out. Don't put your health in danger just to feed into her attention craving.

[bhoneycutt]

I can't believe you'd be accused by anyone to be doing this only to take the attention away from your sister. After all, YOU are expecting three whole months before her! If you had gone out and gotten pregnant after she announced her pregnancy, then they might have a leg to stand on with that argument but they're being downright silly.

It's extremely rude and uncalled for that she is planning her baby shower for 3 days after your C-section. Your sister sounds really selfish and self-centered.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this kind of crap when you should be enjoying the precious little gift that God has given you. Try not to let it get you down (I know, easier said than done).

Less than a month now and you'll be holding your precious baby in your arms! How wonderfully exciting!!! CONGRATS

[DK615617]

Wow, your sister sounds very self centered. But, I also want to ask what is the deal with you mom?? If she is the one throwing the shower for your sister she should not have alloud it to be so soon after your c-section!!!! (I obviously don't know your mom, but just going by the info you gave)
Isn't she trying to help you and your sister work things out??
I don't know what to say. I would try talking to the sister, and tell her, you were pregnant first, if anyone is trying to steal the attention it is her!!!!!!!!!
Good luck! I hope things work out. Most of all I hope your daughter enjoys being a big sister!

[QueenAngie]

Congrats on your pg! How exciting!

I think you need to talk to your sister and tell her how thrilled that your new babies will be best cousins/friends growing up so close in age. You obviously were pg 1st.

Next, ask your Mom, why she has planned the party that date. Maybe they could move it to Sept or Oct. I doubt the invitations have been sent out yet.

It's difficult being this pregnant and having stress. Try to take it easy.

(((Hugs)))

[llc325]

Thanks ladies. Sometimes just airing the issues and hearing what outsiders think helps. As far as changing the date, the invitations have went out that is how I found out the date (from my MIL invitation then mine the two days later) I asked my mom why it is planned for the day I will probably be coming home from the hospital, but she didn't give me a straight answer. Someone mentioned sending my daughter, but if it is the day I come home I want her to be a part of that.
I am hurt because this is an important event for my sister and it hurts that they would plan it when I wouldn't be able to share in her moment. I was her maidron of honor for her wedding and now we barely speak. It hurts but like I mentioned my efforts have been in helping my daughter and maintaining this pregnancy.
I do think my mom should step in and try to atleast mediate for us, but she sees nothing wrong with my sister says and does. There is more that I know has been said but its not worth getting into..

Again thianks for the tips. I think I am just going to send my regrets and explaination as to why DD and I won't be there and let it go.

[epricon]

I know what you mean & how you feel....I have a sister exactly like that, but the only thing is that she's my dad's favorite. There are only 3 of us, and we're all girls. I'm the oldest, then the center of attraction is the middle child, and then we have the youngest sister...we get along pretty well at times, it's just that the most simplest, smallest thing ever will just turn into this big arguement. The thing about my sister is that she always has to be the best, always wants to be correct, can't be told, thinks that everything is a challenge, and she thinks she's high almighty. To top it off, she is our dad's favorite, and we always have to pardon her, her 3 kids, and her boyfriend. My sister and her family loves drama....we always have to watch what we say and how we act around them or else there will be drama.
I don't know, but I thought that these things only happens to my family, and nobody else, but I guess- there's too many sisters like mine too. How do we deal with them or how do we avoid the fights?

[SissyMomma]

I'm so sorry, your'e having to deal with this now! I think you're doing the right thing though. I have a lot of people like this in my family and I always try to keep my head up and not to stoop to their level, even when it hurts or pisses me off.
As for your daughter, I think she's really going to enjoy being a big sister at her age. My mom tryed to have more kids for seventeen years after I was born, until she finally conceived my little sister. Riley's now five and my brother Jackie is three now. I have a great relationship with them and I love how my sister especially looks up to me. Let your daughter know how much your new little one is going to need her. She'll have a starring role in the rest of this child's life.