Okay, so I need some opinions. My sister met her husband just after turning 20 and had thier first child before they got married. Living life has always been a struggle for them. They would have momentary spans of independent living, but have spent much of the past ten years living with our parents, his parents, and most recently (and still) me, the older sister.
Jan '06 was one of those off-times for them, behind in rent, behind in electric, etc.. Not due to lack of income, but lack of responsibility and maturity. With three children in the picture at this point, I thought I would offer to help. Not being able to offer financial assistance, I offered them a place to live in my home since I lived alone. 1900 sq ft, 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath home. Yes you did the math right, I was one bedroom short. I spent that year's bonus putting a room (a nice one at that in my basement).
Of course they had no reliable vehicle, the one they had on it's last leg. So I put my credit on the line and financed a new one for them. To find out the very next day my sister was pregnant. Well a car would do just fine for a family of five, but not at all for six. So I took the hit and traded in the BRAND NEW car and got a mini-van. (they make the payments and have never missed a one)
This year they paid rent in advance with their tax returns, leaving them a sizable chunk of 'disposable' income every month. And that's exactly how it was treated, as disposable instead of a mechanism to independence and getting back out on their own.
Life the past two years has been pretty good. Of course we have our difference of opinions on things, mostly cleaning related, but nothing overly significant. I don't really mind them living here. The kids are fun to have around, most of the time
, as kids will be kids, and if you have some, you know what I mean.
And then suddenly, we have a twist. My 30 yr old sister has become pretty good friends with her 22 yr old coworker, who is currently living at home with her parents. So out little cohesive, hermit-live existance comes to an end. My sister has her over most nights of the week, from just after dinner until 10,11, 12, 1 o'clock at night.
I've expressed my opinion to my sister that I do not want company over at my house every night, a couple nights is fne, but that's all ... and not past 10 o'clock. And no, I do not have a double standard. I am quite the hermit. I go to work and come hme, don't have any of my own company over, ever. I like it that way.
She thinks I am being unfair because they 'don't bother me' when she's here. Which is true I suppose, but to me, bother or not is irrelevant. However ... when the friend is here, my sister's children now become a bother to her and day-to-day repsonsiblities are also in the way.
My sister will leave clean laundry in baskets for days because she 'doesn't have time' to put it away. The kids rooms aren't picked up because 'she didn't know they were messy'.
I am at the point of frustration and we have had two not so friendly discussions as of late.
So ... opinions and questions please, I need advice. I dont think I am being unreasonable, she thinks I am.
I have two basic asks .. (from day 1) put things back where they belong/clean up after yourself and (new request) company only 2-3 nights a week and not past 10.
Oh sorry, I forgot to mention that the friend brings a 6-pack over almost every time she comes to visit and drinks it here, which I have also asked to be stopped. I am not a proponent of daily drinking just for the sake of it. And most visits she either brings fast food for her dinner or has pizza delivered here (to MY house), it just gets my goard for some reason ... eat at home, THEN come over if you must.
okay , go...
Sister's family as roommates
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