[Yunakitty]

Hi. I need some advice about what to do with something my husband's grandmother gave me. See, I'm really into fitness. I have an elliptical trainer in front of the TV, I do yoga and pilates videos, and I teach exercise classes at work (to seniors, but it's still exercise!) Well, my GIL is a QVC addict and she bought me a "Pilates Performer" for Christmas, which is this weird, awkward, large, heavy, length of a bed piece of equipment. Our house is tiny and it's taking up the only free floor space we had in the whole house, which is in the guest bedroom (where we actually used to have a trundle bed, but we sold it since it took up space, and we never have overnight guests since most of our family is in town, so it had just become a table for stockpiled paper towels and toilet paper! ) Anyway, I have attempted to use it and as I said, it is extremely awkward. As far as I know, I never expressed any interest in Pilates equipment to my GIL. Pilates to me is something you can do with a mat on the floor in front of the TV, then roll up the mat and everything's like it was. This piece of equipment is not necessary.

The big issue is this - my GIL is very sensitive. She has bought things before that weren't right, and someone like my DH or MIL will tell her and ask for the gift receipt or whatever, and she worries about it for months. She'll just bring it randomly "I just feel so bad that X wasn't right... I just wish I would have known..." etc etc. She is a very sweet lady who has a lot of health problems, and I just don't like to worry her about anything, so of course I just thanked her as enthusiastically as I could. But it's such a big thing that she and other family members keep asking me about it "How do you like it? "Have you been using it a lot?" etc and it's really uncomfortable. I do not like it, but I don't feel like I can even keep it anymore since you have to step over it to get to stuff in the guest bedroom and it has a sliding platform on it, which is just an accident waiting to happen. My husband keeps encouraging me to "just try it" which I told him that I have and I don't like it, but he insists that I need to watch the VHS tapes that came with it (seriously, VHS?) The problem is that there is no TV in the room where the POS is, but he says it's not like a workout tape, you can just watch it away from the equipment and learn how to use it. (I don't think so.) The last time we discussed it, I got really upset and told him that I hated it, I didn't want it, never wanted it and was going to give it away on Freecycle. He seemed like his feelings were hurt and got all sullen for a while.

So anyway, it's all out of the box and put together, so even if I wanted to hurt my GIL's feelings, I can't ask to return it now. I don't think I could get any money for it since it's so freakishly heavy, it would probably cost $200 to send it anywhere. I just want to put a post on my local freecycle and give it away.

Am I being ridiculous? This is just so different from other bad gifts I have received from them - it's easy to deal with an ugly blouse - you just wear it over to their house a couple of times then give it to Goodwill. But this monster is causing trouble between me and my husband, and frankly, when I think about it, I feel like crying big, angry tears! Any advice would be appreciated.

[purelegance]

unfortunately, horrible gifts are all apart of family, they mean well but they just don't get it. TBH, i think you're being selfish, either that or you're from some strange family where they've guessed every single gift correctly. i can see where your GIL was coming from, you're into exercise & a pilates equipment isn't exactly a far stretch (it's not like you ended up with a tuba & a music stand). If you hate it that much, just sell it in the newspaper/craigslist, etc. Or just put it out on the street for the trash (but i would try to get some money out of it). when they ask, just smile & say "it's great, thanks" and be done with it. Sorry to sound harsh but it sounds like your inlaws put a lot of effort into this gift. (regardless of how much you dislike it).

[songbirdxx]

How sweet. When is your next large items trash collection,the sooner the better if it is making you feel like that! I learned a long time ago to loose the guilt if something or someone made me unhappy.You have to face up to it. Yes the item was expensive but in my opinion honesty is the best policy. If she ever finds out you say ''Gran I loved the exercise equipment but my house was just too small for it. I donated it to charity.''(Perhaps you could do that)

[deedee1231]

You know, I don't know a whole lot about your husbands family, but it you said this exercise equipment was an expensive gift from a sweet old lady and that dh's whole family has asked after it--and asked more than once. Also, you mentioned that dh would like for you to give it another try and see if maybe you can get used to it. I am afraid that if you freecycle it, sell it, or set it out for the trash, you may be setting yourself up for a good long stay in the doghouse, as far as the in-laws are concerned.

Is it possible that your dh couldn't care less if you don't absolutely love the machine, but is attempting to keep the peace between you and the rest of his family? After all, you said that granny is very sweet and means well. At her age, the family will likely take umbrage at anyone who hurts the old dear's feelings. Since this is your husbands family you are dealing with, I would follow his lead on this one.

If anyone asks after the machine in the future, you don't need to gush over how great it is if that isn't how you feel, any offhand remark followed by a quick change of subject should do just fine: "Oh yes! My new pilates machine is really something, isn't it? Oh I meant to ask you, is little Janie selling Girl Scout Cookies again this year? I would love some thin mints!" Or whatever works.

[KR258]

Perhaps your dh was a part of the picking it out for you...just a thought.

[Yunakitty]

Wow, I really didn't think that anyone would think I was selfish....I don't expect perfect gifts from people. I actually prefer to not get gifts, because I'm a simplist and I don't like clutter. I feel bad when people buy me bad things because of the money they spent, I wish they would have done something for themselves instead. My inlaws tend to overdo the holidays; you know, where you can't pay the bills in Jan or Feb? So they're always irritable this time of year with regret about overspending, and they ask a lot about the gifts they have given.

For the record, his grandparents bought him a useless gift too. It's some kind of CD cataloging system from QVC. My husband is very into music and burns all kinds of mix CD's, but he is adamant about each CD in its case, and doesn't use CD books or anything. He has no intention of using it and has only half-heartedly read the instructions for it, and he gets to squirm when they ask him about it.
I don't think that my husband was part of picking it. It was a struggle to get him to agree with me getting an elliptical trainer, because it takes up a lot of space.

I honestly really have tried to use it. It is very awkward, and when you pull yourself back up on it, you slam jarringly into the top and it's not pleasant. There are all these ropes that you pull on and they are thin, too long, and hard to hold onto.

Thanks everybody. I think I am going to give it away on Freecycle after all, and be honest about it. Thanks songbirdxx, that is probably what I'll say.

[JeanLynn81]

Just a quick thought-don't give it away on freecycle without asking if anyone in the family wants it first. When you tell them you don't want it, and they say "well let me ask aunt Fran if she would like it.." and you say "ummm...er...its already gone..." Well, that may not go over well that you gave away their expensive gift to a stranger!

And for the record, I don't think you are selfish. I got an ab roller one time that I hated and it took up too much room. I wound up giving it to my cousin in college. Turned out it was just what she wanted!

Good luck!

[songbirdxx]

Not sure what you folks mean by freecycle.Whatever you do, just get rid of it.It's annoying me now too! (tee hee)!! Oh and let us know how your house feels when you do!! A big relief I would imagine!

[MissyChrissy]

I would just come right out & say that you appreciate the gift, but it is simply too large for your apartment and as sad as you are, you're going to have to get rid of it. Ask g'ma-in-law if she knows anyone who can use it because you hate to think of it going to waste, and tell her if not you'll offer it on Freecycle to someone else who could use it.

If she laments about choosing the "wrong" gift, tell her that it's more important to you to spend time with her and next time maybe you can all just go to dinner together or something. Say you'd rather spend time with her as that's more precious than anything anyone could give you.