[amandaknobbs115]

This is not a major problem, but I thought I'd just "test the water" as it were on this forum for a bit of advice.
Our son is 16 and we've always been quite traditional parents, particularly when it comes to clothing. When he was younger he was always dressed in a smart, traditional style that my husband and I preferred, though from the age of around 11 naturally we've always let him pick out his own clothes and he chooses to dress like any other teenager today - in hoodies and scruffy jeans!
However we still require him to "dress up" for certain functions; for Church on Sundays, for example, he (together with my husband) wears a suit, with a white shirt and tie. We like him to be in at least a jacket and tie for other things too; such as (adult) parties, or going out to a smart restaurant.
He didn't used to mind this in the slightest but recently has started to complain he feels stuffy and overdressed. Whenever he is smart his tie is always loose and shoes dirty unless I or my husband have a word.
I can see his point; he is nearly always the only young man dressed so smartly at various events, everyone dresses so casually nowadays. We don't want to embaress him, but we really want to teach him how to dress well and what's appropriate; you see so many young men in their 20s nowadays with no idea how to dress for an interview, for example. And it's not like he's suited and booted 24/7; normally we don't care what he wears!
Many thanks for your comments!

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Amanda!

Merry Christmas too!

DH and I have been married for 26 years, and have two sons in college ages 18, 21.

Congratulations on parenting a 16 yo. I have survived 2 so far, and by and large, I really have good sons also. That is a Blessing for both you and for me.

I'm amazed that at age 16 you still are able to tell him how to dress.

My older son has always had the preppy look (Mr. AbercrombieFitch) and my younger son is more casual or athletic in his atire (Mr. Hollister.)

Teenagers like to look like the other kids are dressed - whether it is for church, school, or a special outing. Boys, particularly, do not wish to be more dressed-up than others attending an event.

Certainly for a wedding or a funeral - suits are in order.

Our church on Saturday is contemporary so nice pants or nice jeans are fine.
Sundays are more formal, usually a dress shirt & tie for teens. Rarely a suit except maybe for Christmas or Easter services.

If we are going to a 5 star restaurant, yes, a suit; otherwise it is more like church atire.

Does your son know how to tie his own tie? How to match his dress shirts, ties, socks, pants, and shoes? Then, he is far ahead of others his own age. Our sons learned how to tie ties in Cub Scouts.

For some (not at my home) a loose tie is considered dressier, stylish.

In some families, teens do not wish to go anywhere w/ their parents.
You are lucky that he still enjoys going places with you and his Dad.

I've said this before, with teens, choose your battles very wisely.

So glad you've joined the board!

[mcmama]

You need to encourage him to dress appropriate to the situation. If he is overdressed, he is only learning that to dress up makes him uncomfortable.

[twinzplus3]

I don't have teens. . .but we've always taken the approach that there are bigger fish to fry than clothing. I think that the example that you're setting is a good thing to do. OTOH, if one of my children blew an interview bc they didn't dress appropriately, I would consider it a lesson learned.

[KathysKids]

I have two sons age 21 and 19. Both of our boys were expected to dress for the occasion since they were able to dress themselves. From pre-school age they had three sections in closets and drawers. They had play clothes, those are the ones they could get dingy, dirty, hole and marked on without a fuss. They had school clothes, which in early years were denim & polos with some t-shirts, and later became uniforms they were required to wear in parochial school. Lastly, they what we called "gentleman clothes," that consisted of one tuxedo, a couple of suits, dress trousers, proper button and collar shirts and the likes that were considered appropriate for church, private parties and special events. We also required the children to learn proper etiquette for speaking, eating, and church duties. As my sons have grown older (both are in college) they tend to dress casual for class, but they still love to get dressed to impress! My older one is a bit more relaxed at times and doesn't really look for excuses to get dressed up but when it is required, he is a perfectionist on his every detail. The younger son on the other hand, is always eagerly looking for excuses to get dressed up. They both agree that they get more attention from the proper kind of young ladies because of the way they dress. I would tend to tell you that you really don't need to feel the need to tell him to how to dress. It sounds as though you have given him the proper knowledge and that doesn't leave them. Give him the opportunity & time to show you and you just might find he really does enjoy dressing for the appropriate response on his own. Of course, you can still fuss at him to "Take a sweater!" My boys still laugh on the way out the door "Look Mom, I have my sweater!"
~Kathy

[angelic_ky]

could you meet in the middle; say a nice dress shirt with tie but forego the jacket

[amandaknobbs115]

Originally Posted by KathysKids

I have two sons age 21 and 19. Both of our boys were expected to dress for the occasion since they were able to dress themselves. From pre-school age they had three sections in closets and drawers. They had play clothes, those are the ones they could get dingy, dirty, hole and marked on without a fuss. They had school clothes, which in early years were denim & polos with some t-shirts, and later became uniforms they were required to wear in parochial school. Lastly, they what we called "gentleman clothes," that consisted of one tuxedo, a couple of suits, dress trousers, proper button and collar shirts and the likes that were considered appropriate for church, private parties and special events. We also required the children to learn proper etiquette for speaking, eating, and church duties. As my sons have grown older (both are in college) they tend to dress casual for class, but they still love to get dressed to impress! My older one is a bit more relaxed at times and doesn't really look for excuses to get dressed up but when it is required, he is a perfectionist on his every detail. The younger son on the other hand, is always eagerly looking for excuses to get dressed up. They both agree that they get more attention from the proper kind of young ladies because of the way they dress. I would tend to tell you that you really don't need to feel the need to tell him to how to dress. It sounds as though you have given him the proper knowledge and that doesn't leave them. Give him the opportunity & time to show you and you just might find he really does enjoy dressing for the appropriate response on his own. Of course, you can still fuss at him to "Take a sweater!" My boys still laugh on the way out the door "Look Mom, I have my sweater!"
~Kathy

Thanks for your experiences Kathy. The approach you have taken with your sons is exactly the way my husband and I want to go. Did you ever have any problems when your sons were younger and you were requiring them to wear formal clothes? And did you ever make them dress up when other teenagers were more casual?
We've decided to come up with a compromise for our son. For our part, we're no longer going to insist on him being in a full suit on Sunday; just a jacket, shirt and tie from now on. And if he wants he can change after church; previously, we've always made him keep his suit on until at least after lunch. We're also going to say for social gatherings, restaurants, etc, an open neck shirt will be fine if it's not particularly dressy, but still with a jacket and smart trousers. We're also going to give him some money to buy some more fashionable up to date formal clothes, and look into getting him a new tuxedo for his birthday (his last one is looking rather juvenile now).
For his part he's agreed to make more of an effort to look smart when he does still have to; tie well knotted, shoes polished. And when there is a formal event; such as a christening, or a formal party, he'll be straight into his suit again.
Reasonable?
Thanks!