[punkepooh]

I am so totally frustrated right now, since being on Metformin my cycles have always been between 35-40 days. My last AF was December 6th so that puts me right now at 44 days, I didn't test as soon as AF was late because I can't stand seeing negatives, so for the past week i have had some weird stretchy cramps and my boobs started to hurt, I was peeing more than normal and craving buffalo wings, all the things that happened when I was pregnant before. I waited until this am to test to make sure I used fmu but suprise suprise another negative, I am just so totally frustrated Af seems to be coming farther and farther apart my last cyces were 35, 35, 38, and 40 days. I am seriously about to throw in the towel it has been almost 3 years of heartache I am starting to think this dream will just never happen. We have done the fertility treatments insurance covers with no success and right now just don't have the money to invest out of pocket for further treatment. I would look into adoption but that also costs money seems as if there is going to be no resolve in this for us. I am so angry and ticked off that I just want to sit here and cry, good thing school is out today and tomorrow I really am not in the mood to deal with middle schoolers!!! I seem to be the only person who can't get pregnant and I guess in some ways it is making me feel like I am less of a woman. Plust to top it off I keep having these very vivid dreams, of childbirth bringing home a newborn and nursing my newborn everytime I wake up I just want to bawl my eyes out because it feels so real then I wake up and it feels like it is taken away from me again. Thanks for letting me get that out