[VinniesMommy]

I just need to vent a little bit, because I am sooo exhausted. DH went back to school in the beginning of September. He goes to school at night, Mon-Wed. So on those days he leaves at 7am and doesn't get home until 10-11pm. Those days are really long. I am so used to him coming home from work and helping me with the kids. Then, Thursday as soon as he gets home from work, I have to get ready and leave for work, and I don't get home until close to 11pm. And this continues until Saturday, when I have to work normally 10am-6pm, and Sunday is 11am-7pm. During the days that I am at work, I have to have all the household chores done before I leave for work, DH won't do them, and that annoys me to no end, because I come home from work at 11pm thurs and fri to a sink full of dishes and nothing is straightened up, other then a path throughout the house. So, the next day I spent all my time before work cleaning. I feel like just because he is in school, EVERYTHING falls on me! He doesn't even bathe them on the nights he has them, I have to bathe them before work! He says "It's just to much, I can't do it with all 3 of them"! But I do it, EVERYDAY! I have the kids ALL BY MYSELF Mon-Wed!! Then yesterday, I had planned to go to the grocery store for some odds and ends, but yesterday we had horrible weather, any one living near Philly knows what I'm talking about. It was POURING rain, then snow, the more pouring rain. It sucked. Well, he got mad because I didn't get food for lunch for him! I didn't wanna take the kids out in that! I understand that he is busy too, I really do. But he seriously thinks that I sit here all day doing nothing! But it's "to much" when HE'S alone because he's not used to it! It's insane! The intention for this vent wasn't even to vent about him either, it just kind of went that way... Ouy vey... I'm just so tired of everything falling on my shoulders. Just because I'm home all day doesn't mean I'm not busy. The only "break " I get is when I go to work. And sure, my job is easy, but it's still not a break! I can't sit back and relax, I can't spend my time MY way so how is that a break? A break from the chaos here, sure. But sometimes you just need a little down time and I am having trouble finding some... argh... thanks for listening ladies...

[Labhaoise]

s
I hope he starts helping out soon for you! If I lived closer (ie not on the other side of the world), I'd help out! How long is he going to be at school for?

[purelegance]

oh i totally understand! it's a constant argument in our house. CONSTANT. we've tried sitting down and talking about how parenting/marriage is a partnership. AND if he's going to use that outrageously huge griddle to make pancakes at night, he has to clean it. AND when the tip of the iceberg cracks and i start really complaining he'll tell me "don't worry about it. come sit down and relax, i'll do the dishes." but none of those discussions really work, i think they only work in Dr. Phil's world. even when he promises he'll do something, he still doesn't. If i ask him about it, then i'm "hounding him" (and "hounding him" is apparently a justifiable reason not to do something.)

so like i said, i have no advice. but i did want you to know you're not alone.

[Magic_Mikki]

Wow-- You girls are like looking in the mirror! I also have no advice. I think that if anyone had advice as to how to solve the DH problem, they'd be a millionaire! My DH is the same way. He thinks I sit at home all day doing nothing or something! He wonders why I can't do this or that, because afterall, I'm at home all day! But then when he comes home he doesn't do ANYTHING! Except watch ESPN, of course. And his idea of helping out with the baby is bouncing the baby in his bouncy (with his foot) while he sits on the couch! grrr! He's gotten better though. And Amber, my DH is so similar with the whole "hounding" thing! He has seriously been saying he's gonna clean the tub for almost a year now! I could just deck him! Anyway, sorry.. This isn't supposed to be my vent! I just wanted to let you know that we're out here- those that feel your pain!

[angelic_ky]

s

[purelegance]

Originally Posted by Magic_Mikki

And his idea of helping out with the baby is bouncing the baby in his bouncy (with his foot) while he sits on the couch!

lol!! DH did this too when izzy was a baby. it's no surprise she learned how to hold her own bottle @ 3-4 months! the poor girl was hungry!

[ljb]

Add me to the list of no-help, but in the same boat!

DH works full time M-F, as do I. But I do everything, I mean EVERYTHING, in the way of chores around the house. Even if the dishwasher is empty, he won't put his dishes in it. In fact, he won't even open it to see if it has dirty or clean dishes. For years (maybe 6 or 7 years), he has been 'threatening' me, saying he's going to do his own laundry, he has done that a grand total of TWICE! And that is just his laundry. He has not planned or prepared a meal since DS's dx in June. So, I handle his special diet, every single day (three meals & snacks). Even on evenings when I am not home, I have to plan ahead of time what DH can feed DS.

He complains about how we live in a pit, but has not lifted one dang finger to clean it!

Thank God I only have the one DS!! I can't imagine with more than one child. I must say when DH is out of town, my life is soooo much easier!

[angelic_ky]

i feel so sorry for all of you... here i am, a SAHM, and DH helps a lot more than what you are all getting

[QueenAngie]

Well.......if that big darn griddle gives you such grief, I'd be hiding that big puppy away in the garage.

Sometimes DHs act more like another child, than an adult.

Need to have a long, quiet discussion with him...away from the house, away from the kids, away from the distractions.

On the other hand, do some things to ease your lives.....
occasionally use paper plates for meals for less clean-up
or eat on the patio for a picnic in nice weather.

Use that spray stuff in the shower to help keep it clean.

Put that disc cleaner in the toilet tank.

Every morning and every evening, have a fast 30 item pick-up
with every member in your house. That means 30, 60, 90, 120, or 150 items will be tidied quickly, depending how many people are in your household.

Put things where they belong as you use them.

Put trashcans in every room in the house.


Decide your level of comfort as cleanliness in your home.
Maybe everything is white and spotless, so the Queen of England could visit on any given moment.
Maybe just some dust is ok.
Maybe toys out and about are ok.
Decide if you should make the beds daily or not.

Or the other hand, your home is not welcoming if it looks
like a pigstyle and the health dept would put a big condemned
sign acrossed the frontdoor.

Having little kids, some things just have to be relaxed a bit.

Anybody tried the Flylady? She has a daily routine to keeping the home organized and clean.

I can recall thinking that I should buy one of those dog collars for DH to help 'train' him with household chores. Even after 27 years, we are still working on that area. He does a great deal and is a big help truly. But will he ever learn to fold the towels correctly? I'm just thankful that he was a good Daddy when the boys were young. And good at bathing them, when I was working.

(((Hugs)))

[VinniesMommy]

It's sooo good to hear that I'm in a boat with some of you ladies! Not that it's a good boat to be in, it's just great to not be alone. I have exactly 12 minutes of quiet time before I have to wake up the boys ((to late of a nap and they won't go to bed)) and instead of running around like crazy, I wanted some me time for once. DH was home with the kids all weekend, because I had a crazy hectic work schedule this weekend, plus halloween. Here I sit today, dishes to the ceiling ((I got the 3rd degree yesterday after my 9 hour shift because they weren't done??????)) and 3 baskets of laundry that need to be folded, I asked him to do laundry, which he did, fought me tooth and nail, but he did, and heaven forbid he should lay them out for me to fold, no no, he shoved as many as he could into the laundry baskets. This just means I have to re-dry and de-wrinkle it all. Thanks for the help Today I went out with my Aunt ((whom I have not seen in almost 2 years)) so that she could see and meet my kids and I could meet hers and he complained because I didn't get anything done. Grrr. And to make matters worse, he just informed me that I have to "baby-sit" his brother because he is getting out of jail tomorrow and has no where to go. He will be here by 7:30 and MIL isn't picking him up until 3ish. FUN.

But thanks Queen Angie, I will look into that Flylady that you spoke of!!