[crisatcafe]

I'm at my wits end. I moved in with my fiance about six months ago. Two months of that his three year old daughter was taken out of state by her mother. She is now court ordered to be here every other week after a battle. I love her to death but there are some past problems that are driving me nuts.
First off we live with his step mom, his dad just passed and she needs someone with her. Before his ex and he split grandma played mommy at least half the time, his daughter slept with her even, while grandpa was sick in the hospital. I have two of my own one three as well and one five. I've been through the breaking them of the family bed onto sleeping on their own before so I know the ropes. We have put little eye hook latches on the outside of the screen door of their room so she can not sneak out into grandmas bed at night. We have baby monitors set up so we can hear them at night if they need to use the restroom ect.
His daughter as soon as bed is mentioned starts crying, and if let her will cry till she pukes, I know its attention because she can dry it up at the drop of a hat. Grandma is a major problem with this, she tells her she doesnt have to sleep just lay and watch a movie, or color, read etc. As soon as we come in saying to go to bed she starts a fit. We have already confronted grandma about this and she doenst seem to get it. She doesnt realise that less crying now means worse problems down the line with bribing (i know from experiance about that one)
She shares the room with my three year old as well and now my daughter has started testing the same things. They both are in preschool and it is disrupting their scheduals and my kindergardeners sleep. It doesnt help that at mommys out of state where she is every other week she sleeps in mommys room. Possibly in the same bed. The problem as been adressed to her as well and her awnser was deal with it.
The custody will be dealt with this month and she will be here full time.. so how do I deal with this problem on the home front in the mean time, and then after shes here all the time? I am fighting now with grandma and dad about bribing and such constantly and I hate it to be like this!
I'm to the point of not even bothering doing anything bed related and just letting them give the kids their way.
HELP!

[pattiewrites]

Wow, it sounds like she has been through a LOT at a very young age! It really isn't unusual for a 3 year old to still be co sleeping. If she has been sleeping with her mommy or grandma for all her life, it may take some time to get her into her own bed. In light of all she has been through, first moving to another state, then living in a different home every other week and finally leaving her mom to live full time with her daddy, expecting her to sleep alone right away may be too much for her. Maybe she needs some time to adjust to her new living situation first.

With my kids, one of us would lie with them in the bed until they fell asleep when we were transitioning them out of the family bed. Gradually we were able to leave the room just before they fell asleep and then right after tucking them in. It was definitely a process and didn't happen in one night. If she doesn't get better after several months in her new living situation, I'd take her to a counselor. Play therapy is excellent for this age group. I know your situation is difficult, adding a new child to the family full time but it must be even more difficult for a 3 year old to have been through so many changes in such a short amount of time.