[punkytina]

My 8 year old son, has always liked playing with dolls, since he was very little.. Over the past few years he started dressing up in his oldest sisters high heels and dresses, he loves make up, if ever him and his friends play a game he is always 'mommy' or 'sister'. He has lots of Girl friends not many boys.. I have 2 daughters aged 10 and 16 and 2 other boys aged 17 and 12.. None of my other boys have been like this, although my 10 year old daughter loves football and would never Ever wear a dress or play with dolls.. ( i bought her a dolls pram for xmas a few years ago, she swapped it with Caleb for his remote control car!!)
I'm not concerned about Calebs ways ( hes the 8 year old) but when i tell him he has to stop wanting to go out to play dressed in 'girly clothes' he asks why?? I try to explain that its what other boys his age, who go to school with him would say. There is a boy who lives near us down the road who is in Calebs class, he sometimes comes to play but Caleb gets bored playing with him, as he dont want to push a pram about the garden! Caleb spends most of him time with his 9 year old cousin (Della). Now they play for hours and there is never a cross word, if anything hes at his quietest when playing 'girls games' (dolls, moms n babies, dress up).
I know i shouldnt really care what other people think, I dont actually care what other adults think of what he prefers to do, but kids are cruel and i wouldnt want him picked on at school if some of the other children found out.. ( I was told by a health visitor that Caleb would grow out of it by the time he was 5!).
Most friends of mine, who know what Caleb is like, says things like 'He will make someone a lovely husband when hes bigger' or 'it don't matter its just his age' etc..
I even had him asking me if he could wear a school dress to school, when he started back to school at the beginning of September! i told him no as boys wear trousers, he then turned round and said to me ' Well mummy,if girls can wear trousers, then boys can wear skirts, its only fair' Well, what could i say to that? I just asked him to wear his school trousers and he said yes he would ..
If anyone has any comments then i would be glad of any help.
I'm not ashamed of my son i know not all children are the same, and some children are influenced by their siblings to some extent, And then we could also get into the 'is it nature or nurture'??
Has anyone been through this with one of their children?
Also, i'm confused, why am i worried about Caleb when i don't worry about Emily (my 10 year old) not liking girls things, refusing to wear skirts, dresses or anything that resembles girls clothes??

[erinellakal]

I think you're doing a fine job letting him play with what makes him happy.
My best childhood friend played with dolls with his sister and I until we were 9 or 10. Now he is happily married and is a wonderful daddy
Just encourage him to do what makes him happy.

[mcmama]

I agree with the above, but at age 8, it is no longer the little kid dress up thing. Children by this age generally identify with their own gender by rejecting the outward symbols of the opposite gender (ie girls are yucky, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider)

In jr high, there was a boy on my son's wrestling team who wore skirts. But he was such a good wrestler no one gave him a hard time. It did make people talk and wonder and stare.

If your son continues to be interested in girl's dress up and props, he's going to have to learn to protect himself, and have suitable control so that he is not provoking people. Other children and adolescents sometimes find gender identity issues to be discomforting for themselves for a whole lot of reasons, and they might bully him or think he is bullying them.

There is a wider range of what is acceptable clothing that is considered feminine. Girls often dress up jeans, and wear cuts that show off their belly buttons or fannies. Guys think a woman wearing their shirt is sexy. But women don't think a guy in a skirt is sexy, unless you are in the UK where a kilt is part of the culture.

[OrdinaryGirl]

Originally Posted by punkytina

Also, i'm confused, why am i worried about Caleb when i don't worry about Emily (my 10 year old) not liking girls things, refusing to wear skirts, dresses or anything that resembles girls clothes??

Firstly, I agree that you're doing a really nice job being supportive of your son and his interests. I don't think that's always easy to do, especially when you have concerns about whether those interests will hurt his relationship with other children. I know that I want my kids to be themselves, but am fearful that other children will be hurtful to them if that means they're not following the crowd.

I wonder if your worry about your son (and not your daughter) ties in to that fear. Unfortunately, people seem to be more inclined to be understanding of "tomboys" and not of boys who pursue what are typically thought of as more feminine pursuits.

At 8, he's probably getting to the age where you can have a more direct and honest conversation with him (isn't that cool when they can do that? ). It might be time to talk to him a little bit about what concerns you and why it makes other people a bit uncomfortable or even find a way to ask him about his own gender identity, if that's part of what worries you.

[punkytina]

Thanks for your comments, i was expecting people to be rather cruel about him, or me ( saying im being stupid / over protective/no wonder hes the way he is etc etc).. I am protective of all my children i have heard some kids call him 'Gay-Boy' but those same kids come calling for him after.. I have asked him why he likes dolls, he says he thinks they are pretty and he likes doing their hair and dressing them up? I ask him does he want to play with 'Action Man' (the boys equivalent to Barbie) and Caleb says yes, but they end up all snapped up or undressed and Barbie is wearing Action Man s clothes!
He has a Bike, he loves his bike, he enjoys riding up and down the pathway or over to the park with his male mates, but as soon as he gets there he ignores his male friends and goes off with the girls, i have spoke to his teacher about his choice of friends at school and his teacher informs me, he has many girl admirers but dont really interact with the boys, She has never seen him playing football,or 'tag' shes seen him playing 'kiss chase' or dancing.. She said hes well liked by the class and the boys do want to be his friend but Caleb prefers to be with the girls.. I will take Caleb out tomorrow after school and i'll talk to him about things, I cant really do it at home as i just want the conversation to be between me and him.
I will add though that if Caleb was homosexual or even a cross dresser when he is an adult, that wouldnt bother me, i just don't want him picked on whilst he is a child, when hes older he will have to defend himself obviously but whilst i can protect him i will.

[QueenAngie]

Sounds like are a very caring and loving mother!