[katesbirdworld]

This isnt a whine or vent, I just did not know where to put the thread. Its more like asking for advice. I have a apartment over my parents house because I look after their needs. Me and my hubby make sure they are taken care of. They are 81 years old. For the most part they can look after themselves. I have a problem with my dad not wanting to bath or shower. He will sleep in his clothing and not shower for days on end. I will ask him if he has showered and he says yes. Knowing that I have seen him in those clothes for a few days already. Any suggestions anyone. Boy it is tough being a parent to your parent.

[4GiftsfromGod]

I woud help him jump start like starting his bath water and laying his things out and escorting him to the bathroom. Let him take it from there

[QueenAngie]

God Bless you for caring for both of your elderly parents!

Kate, I am hearing you loud and clear.
(See my signature about my 83 & 85 yo elderly parents.)

Elderly people start loosing their sense of smell, so they do not realize
they stink. They can also become forgetful as to when they had their last
shower or bath. Short term memory gets hazy sometimes. It also takes a lot
of effort to get undressed, showered, dried off, and dressed again.

I am thankful that both my parents still shower every morning before breakfast.

Tina has a good suggestion about starting the shower or bathwater, and laying out new clothes.

Could your husband help him safely get in and out of the tub or the shower? Does he need a showerchair to use in the shower? Are there grab bars for safety placed by the shower? Bath mat available so he doesn't fall?

I have helped my mother before with showering or toileting when she has been very ill.
Up to this point, I have not had to do that for my father. I physically could, but would feel uncomfortable about it.

If your father does not accept help from your DH or from you, how about a bath CNA from home health or the county health dept?

If he is on Medicare or Public Aid, their doctor could help arrange it, maybe only for a short term. Some county health depts do med boxes (the RN) and the CNA does the bathing & shampooing 3 times per week.

Also, if he is not bathing.....does he remember his medications, paying bills, eating, doctor appointments?

Does he need help to get undressed at night & change into pjs (or whatever he used to wear to bed)? Is he also brushing his teeth? Maybe you need to tuck him into bed too.

It becomes where the daughter turns into the caregiver or the mother role. I started doing this about 15 months ago with my parents.

(((Hugs)))

[lpelham]

I'd check with any local social services agencies to see if anyone can come out and help you. Even if they just delivered meals, it might be a bit of a relief to you. I know how hard it can be - I was my grandmother's caregiver until she was 84, essentially putting my life on hold. And it is hard and sometimes you may resent taking care of them, but now that it's over and done, I am glad I took care of her. Just remember to take care of yourself too!

Libby