[shawspear]

I'm surprised to find little about this in here. Maybe I'm not searching for it correctly or is it just because no one is asking? Kinda' tough for lots of parents. I'm optimistic if parents did a good job, it would have a significant impact. How do you do it right? My suggestion: Weave the sex tails into ordinary experiences you encounter in life over a long period of time, say from 8 to 18. Just a little here and there as the opportunity arises. Here's a very current example:

"I need help" tell them. You know "Love Games" by Lady Gaga? Well in the song she sings "I want to ride on your disco stick. Don't think too much, just bust that stick. I want to ride on your disco stick" (yeah parents, they''re listening to that one). "What exactly does 'bust that stick' mean? Really I don't know", say. There you go. How much sex can you get into that conversation? I'm not saying 8 but 13, yeah, I mean everything if I can get away with it.

So . . . I'm asking every parent with appropriate-aged children to ask them about "Love Games" and then try and weave a sex-education in it without chasing them off. Here's one possible conversation:

"Dad, you know what it means". "But I'm not really sure. Does it mean just pull out your p---- and start s------- me". " OMG Dad!!! I can't believe you said that!". "Well what is she saying then?!". "I guess that's what it means dad!". "And just don't think about it!!!!". "It's just a song dad!". "About havin' sex? She could get pregnant right?". "I guess dad". "Yessss, she could! And what about rubbers? Where's that in all this?". "You're embarrassing me dad!". "Well it just sounds to me she's sending the wrong message, you know, just have sex and don't think about it". "Dad, I'm leaving". "Wait, I wanna' talk to you about something". "What dad?". "I wanna' make sure you know how a girl gets pregnant? "Dad, I don't want to talk about it". (Here comes the bribe). "You know that $350.00 dollar (whatever) you've been wanting? Alright then, this is very important to me and if we can talk about it then I'll get it for you". Bingo. Ain't gonin' nowhere. Now start explaining a girl's cycle, intercourse, and conception but not too much. You were going to get it for them anyway right?

Not suggesting that exactly, but do whatever is comfortable for you.

[mollymae]

You seem almost obsessed with how to talk about sex to young girls. What about taking to boys? They need to be informed too.

These conversations just wouldn't happen in our house because the older ones 8, 10 and 13 all know about sex already. We've just answered their question honestly as they've asked. They all know about how babies are made and what periods and condoms are. They all know about the nasty diseases that can happen.

My oldest came hom with a C card from school which means he can get free condoms if he needed too. He came and showed me the card and told me he wasn't gonna be using it but thought he ought to get one to be responsible. He says no way is he gonna have sex till he's much older cause he's not responsible enough to have a baby and if your not responsible enough to have babies you shouldn't be having sex.

Would I bribe my kids to listen to me? Nope never

[shawspear]

Ok Molly. Nice you do well with yours. I think though many do not. Also I suspect sometimes children won't ask all the questions so parents need to take an active role in talking to them about it.

Yeah Molly, I'm interested in raising healthy girls. Sex is one part of that. But this is a conversation a parent could have with their son as well and if you notice I took pains to made no explicit reference to this being a girl (and I didn't go back and edit it just so I could say it).

[Samual]

Originally Posted by shawspear

"But I'm not really sure. Does it mean just pull out your p---- and start s------- me".

I would be extremely worried and disturbed if anyone said that to a family member, especially someone as young as 8.

[UberMom]

I thought that Marc Brown's book What's the Big Secret was really helpful when it came time to provide developmentally appropriate information to my kids. At around 7 or 8 years, old they ask a lot of questions, but matter of fact concise answers seemed more appropriate. Now that my daughter is a teenager, we talk more about the social implications and peer presures, etc.

What have other parents found helpful?

[shawspear]

Originally Posted by Samual

I would be extremely worried and disturbed if anyone said that to a family member, especially someone as young as 8.

.
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I said 13 up there Samual but maybe this is still distasteful to you. Yeah, I know it's crude and shocking. But I think the conversation becomes less sterile when some (not all) of the language is that way: it better emphasizes the point in my opinion and makes the situation more down-to-earth as opposed to academic.

[purelegance]

wow... IMO that's an incredibly inappropriate conversation regardless of the age. i really don't know where to start. YES you need to talk to your kids, but talking to them with embarrassment, obscene language & bribery acting as key roles in your conversation? that's terrible parenting.

[poliscmjr]

well said Amber!

[mollymae]

So what is the right way? Is there a right way and a wrong way to teach your child about sex? Should you wait for the school to teach them or do you think it's 100% the parents job?

Perhaps you feel knowledge is power or maybe you think to much information is a bad thing.

Should birth control be so readily available for underage teens or is it almost permission to have sex?

Whats everyones thoughts?

[Samual]

I don't think it should be a teachers job to teach students, until they are older, say 16-18, until then I think the parents should be educated and be trusted to teach their children about sexual health. I personally think knowledge is power, I have some female friends who are well into adulthood on the pill who don't even know how it works, some who have young teen children, how can you answer their questions when you don't know what is happening in your own body?

I think contraception should be available to those under 16, the people who are having sex at young ages, are the ones that are going to have sex with or without protection, so by taking contraception away I think you are making sex an even greater taboo. Making your children feel that they can't talk about sex will only make the teen pregnancy and std situation worse.
Some of our A-level students, 16-18 don't even know what sex is, you get girls confiding in you believing they are pregnant from oral sex!

When I was at school you were just told the different forms of contraception, you weren't shown them as you are now. So my parents showed all of us absolutely everything we could use, how it worked, how to use it, where you get it from, what it protected against and what it didn't. We were taught about every std, how you can contract them, symptoms, where to go if you think you've exposed yourself to the risk etc. No accidental pregnancies, no std's and one sexual partner for all of us. Pretty successful in my view.

Frank wasn't taught anything by his parents about sex, for a long while he was really embarrassed to talk about sex, as it wasn't something you did in his family, he thought condoms were just to stop you becoming pregnant as well, he didn't know anything about std's, quite scary really, he could of easily ended with a person that would take advantage.

A lot of people claim that you have to live under a rock to not understand contraception without being taught, I think such statements are extremely ignorant, especially when the majority of people believe condoms protect you from HPV.

Mikey asks about sex a lot, we live in the countryside so you see animals at it a lot, he knows how a girl and a boy have sex, he says "when the winkle goes in the fairy" and has a look of disgust on his face and he knows thats how you make a baby, because the daddy puts a tadpole that curls around the see in the mummy. He knows that you only have sex when you are a lot older and when you love someone enough to want to have babies with them. He also knows other things, such as other people aren't allowed to see his winkle or touch it, apart from telling him that with everything else sexual we wait for him to ask, if he isn't curious then he probably wouldn't be interested in what we were saying.