[mimosa]

i've just found out my sister is a long-term user of marijuana. her house is a piled up wreck, she holds no job, i am very concerned about her 15 year old daughter. what should i do?

[smk318]

Are there potentially other factors aside from the marijuana use that have lead to your sister's lifestyle? I'm sure it's not helping the situation, but I also have known many long term users that have perfectly orderly and productive lives. As for the daughter, as long as she is healthy, not abused, and not neglected, there isn't much you can do except talking to her. If you are honest and open, and do not criticize her mother, then I believe she will listen and perhaps even come to rely on you as a friend. Also, if the daughter is going to experiment with drugs it will likely not be due to her mother's habits, but more likely because of her peer's habits. I hope this helps a bit. Best of luck!

[mimosa]

Thanks Sarah,
You give it all a more rational perspective. You are right--there are other factors.

[beth]

Hi Mimosa, although the situation is not good, it's made a lot better by the fact that you are worried about both your sister and your niece. In the short term, it would be good if you could strengthen your relationship with your niece and let her know that she can come to you for anything. In time, you could start a new level of friendship with your sister, but don't focus on the drug use, that's just a symptom of other things. You also have to try not to come across as some sort of intense interventionist! It's a hard line to tread, but as you have a long shared history, use that to re-establish some close communication between the two of you. Perhaps you could ask her to help you out with some small task so that she can feel she is helping you, when all the while you are helping each other. Let us now how you get on.

[jgreene]

Marijuana use is an interesting issue, as many people feel that marijuana should be legalized and is no worse than drinking. However, we all know that drinking can be a very big problem. I have known a number of habitual pot-smokers, and, in my experience, being addicted to pot is quite similar to being an alcoholic. While the marijuana may not be entirely to blame for your sister's messy house and lack of a job, some experts believe that a possible side effect of smoking pot is amotivation--a lack of motivation/no ambition/laziness/etc.

Marijuana use is illegal, but I'm not sure how this affects custody. Is your niece happy living with her mom? Is there a responsible, loving dad in the picture? Maybe he is a resource for this child. You might also want to take her to Al-Anon meetings or arrange a meeting with her school counselor. You can try to talk to your sister, but the road to overcoming drug addiction is a difficult one that she will have to want to take. Being there for the child, and for the sister if you can, is key. You may be the one person she can talk to about her family life.

[buttler]

This must be terrible, she is your sister, you should talk to her into this, make her understand that her daughter suffers a great deal because of this. She might risk loosing her child for nothing, for a drug that will take everything from her. Convince her to get drug treatment asap... for her daughter's sake.