[wanna be a young mother]

Ok My MIL and I have never got along. The fact is my husband is the favorite child out of the four and NO women was EVER good enough for him! To top all that off my husband is Mexican and so is EVERYONE in his family! I myself am Irish and a few other things. My family is a mix of every race so my family took my DH on as an adoptive brother but not his family. They are VERY close knit and to them I will always be an outsider. I've been with my Dh now for 7 years (married for 3yrs) and I no longer care about what they think or do but the other week somethings were said and they have been on my mind now all week and I just have to get another opinion of all this CRAZY talk!


Ok so I was at my MIL's last week and my Dh's cousin just had a baby about a month ago. So all the women are sitting there talking about and holding the baby. This for me is a BIG problem b/c the women in his family are like hawks! They swoop in before you can even get in the door and rip you kid right out of your arms! Then your lucky enough to get the poor baby back after everyone in the room has held it which is about 3-4hrs later! So I sat there and watched my Dh's poor cousin get her kid taken away and past around like a potato. Ok sorry back on track....so the women started talking and his cousin brought up some problems she was having with the baby. Well thats normal anyone who just had a baby will go to older wiser women for advice but the advice they gave her nearly made me fall out of my chair!!!! She said that she noticed the babies soft spot was sinking a little. Now I know for a FACT that the cause of that is dehydration. All you need to do is give the baby 2oz of water once or twice a day and it will pop right back up. My little sister had the same problem and thats what the Ped said to do and it worked.....my MIL's response....was to take your thumb and insert it into the babys mouth and push on the roof of her mouth to make it go back up! I WAS IN SHOCK! Does she realize the damage she could do to her child by doing that? I could not believe it! Then it gets better.....his cousin also says that the baby has an ear infection and they just cant seem to get rid of it. So you would think they would say "well take her to the Dr.'s to get an antibiotic" nope they tell her of an old tradition were you take a piece of paper and roll it into a funnel, then insert in the babies ear and then LIGHT IT ON FIRE!!......YES I SAID LIGHT IT ON FIRE!!! and burn it until its half way down! The smoke is supposed to get rid of the infection. At this point my mouth was on the floor! Now I know there culture had "ODD" traditions like if a baby has hiccups to lick a piece of newspaper and stick it to her forehead. It's weird but no harm done....the fire and thumb trick on the other hand are just CRAZY and could HARM your child! When I told Dh what they said he just looked at me and said "what???" like it was normal!! Am I nuts or is this crazy???? I understand ever culture has there own remedies for things but I am a firm believer in going to a Dr. and Dentist on a regular basis. Them on the other hand only go when something is seriously wrong! I just cant believe this! Am I the only one who thinks this is crazy??


I feel like I cant trust my In laws to watch my child in fear they might start her on FIRE!! Even if I asked them not to do anything like that to her I know they still would. I had an argument with MIL a month ago about getting my babies ears pierced at 4 weeks old. Which is a tradition for them. Now I had severe ear problems as a child after I had mine done at 8yrs old and I don't know if the baby will have the same problems. I know it is common for people to do it to there infants but I dont believe in making a child suffer when they have no idea why this pain is being in flicked on them. If my child is 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 or whatever many years and ASKS to have it done well then I would let them b/c they asked for the pain and understand what is going on. So needless to say I said all that to my MIL and she says under her breath "well I guess I'll just have to take the baby in to do it myself" That made me blow up!! How dare you say your going to do anything to my child WITHOUT my permission!! Uhhhhh....Ok I AM SO SORRY....this just turned into more of a VENT then a question! I know this was long and I am so sorry to make you ladies sit here and read all of this....maybe some of you got a good laugh at my crazy In Laws ! but my original question is am I wrong to think they are all NUTS? Should I be worried about my childs welfare when she is around them? And how do I handle these things when they happen? Anyone else in my boat here or am I alone?

THANKS EVERYONE!!

[MommyDee]

I can understand why you'd be concerned, but let me ease your mind on at least one of those traditions... The paper tube bit is called ear candling, and it's a fairly common practice in homeopathic medicine. What happens is the heat creates a chimney effect and draws excess ear wax, along with any bacteria, out of the ear canal and into the tube; it could actually work for the baby's ear infections, but you're right, a doctor should be consulted first, and a homeopathic practitioner would be the best to perform the candling itself.

BTW, I've got a large family myself and have had my munchkin make the rounds with them. I actually ended up finding it nice because it gave me a little break, hopefully you'll feel the same when your wee one comes along!

EDIT** I would have an absolute FIT if anyone tried to pierce my child's ears without my express permission. You might want to talk to DH about that one.

[savaholic]

You have EVERY right to keep those away from your child/family if they seem to be a danger in your eyes. That's what a mother does.
Also, you may want to make it known now that you don't wish to have a lot of people around once the baby is born. It's a health danger (infection) and if they're not supportive of YOU they will make your PP healing a real chore.
I did this when we had our son and my parents totally understood. Yes, the did have their feelings hurt but I reminded them that it's not about THEIR feelings but about me, my husband, and our new baby all becoming a family together w/o their interference. (My parents are VERY nice people, but are not great parents.)
Just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone.
My husbands parents haven't spoken to him since he decided to marry me 8 yrs. ago. His sister's do and they've met the baby but I don't know if the parents know we've had a son.

[wanna be a young mother]

It's not that I mind them taking the baby and giving me a break its the way they do it. Most people would like to get in the door sit down, take the baby out of the car seat, then take off the babys coat and then pass it around but with them you do get to do that! Not only is it rude for them to just rip and I do mean rip...the baby out of your hands but it does bother the baby too. Every time I've watched them do this....to everyones child...the child starts screaming and doesn't calm down for awhile. Personally I think thats kind of traumatic for the baby. I understand everyones need to want to hold the baby but they have to understand that at that stage most babies dont recognize other people and being taken away from its mom and crowed by dozens of strange faces can be a little scary and Oh GOD forbid you ask to see the baby to feed, change or calm it down! They tell you No! Which for me will be a big problem b/c I plan to BF and the only one who can feed my child is well...ME! Thanks for the clear up on the ear thing but your right...someone who is licensed to do that should and not Dh's crazy grandma. I guess our cultures are a lot different than I originally thought....at least when it comes to raising your baby. As to the piercing thing...I did talk to Dh and he is kind of on the fence about that. He knows that it is a tradition but he also knows that I dont want it done to our baby. He said he would not let his mother do it behind our backs but that he was not going to get in the middle of the debate about it happening. He said that he would respect my wishes but he would not get in the middle of the fight between me and his mom b/c he knows how much it means to her. Yes I know what your thinking....but what can I say he's a Mama's boy lol !

[Mom0206]

I think you are right to try to keep your baby away from these people. I would voice my concerns and then if they didn't listen just keep your wee one home until you feel safe. As for piercing your dd ears, that's a decision that should be up to you and your husband and no one else.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Originally Posted by wanna be a young mother

He said that he would respect my wishes but he would not get in the middle of the fight between me and his mom b/c he knows how much it means to her. Yes I know what your thinking....but what can I say he's a Mama's boy lol !

My Dh is a mama's boy as well....BUT I come first....we he married you he made you #1 before all others and this is even before his mother...HE needs to stand up for you and not let you "fight" all the battles between his mother...

I understand the whole latino culture...being one myself...their is a lot of crazy things culturally....I'm just glad I don't have a little girl....have they told you that you have to stay in bed for 6wks? Some latino countries make the mother stay in bed for 6wks to recover and she is not allowed out of the house at all...the women do everything for her and the baby and don't let her do anything. Also it is tradition to have the women in the labor room with you. You should make your wishes clear with everything...they have to respect your culture as well. Good luck Jen...I know how it is with old superstitions

[twinzplus3]

It sounds like these are more cultural issues than anything else. I am not latino but live among latinos and that's exactly how they treated my babies! You should've seen them with the twins.

I can understand why it's upsetting though. It's your in-laws. . .now your neighbors. But I have found that it is amazing how much calmer relationships get after a baby is born.

[QueenAngie]

Cultural differences aside....there are many times, differences in the way that mother-in-laws parent and that daughter-in-laws parent. As the mother of the child, you decide the best method for your own baby.

That being said, the MIL bore and raised a son, a man that you love and admire.
She must have done something right to have raised a son into the man
that became your husband.

Obviously there is a lot of love in that family.

My standard response to baby advise: "Thank you for being so concerned,
I'll take this under advisement." (Does not mean you are going to do it,
but it does get respect to the individual who loves your baby too.)

*************
[i] "Which for me will be a big problem b/c I plan to BF and the only one who can feed my child is well...ME!"[/]



Well, when I had DS#1 and was brand new on BF.....two of my sisters also had babies the same year and BF their two sons.





On the 1st meeting with my new baby to my sisters & their children, I suddenly could not letdown my breast milk.

Call it nerves, not enough to drink. DS#1 wanted to be BF and it wouldn't go.
So, I went to make a bottle.

One of my BF sisters was ready to BF my baby at that moment "to help."




I just gave the bottle for a couple ounces instead. Then as I relaxed & my son relaxed, my milk was able to let down.

This was my sister offering mother's milk. It would have been just fine w/ me at that point and now several years later. One mom helping another mom.




Now, had it been the same offering w/ my SIL......it would have upset me to no end.
Isn't that silly?

My 2 baby nephews being BF thought that I really smelled good = mother's milk.

[wanna be a young mother]

My Dh is a mama's boy as well....BUT I come first....we he married you he made you #1 before all others and this is even before his mother...HE needs to stand up for you and not let you "fight" all the battles between his mother...
I understand the whole latino culture...being one myself...their is a lot of crazy things culturally....I'm just glad I don't have a little girl....have they told you that you have to stay in bed for 6wks? Some latino countries make the mother stay in bed for 6wks to recover and she is not allowed out of the house at all...the women do everything for her and the baby and don't let her do anything. Also it is tradition to have the women in the labor room with you. You should make your wishes clear with everything...they have to respect your culture as well. Good luck Jen...I know how it is with old superstitions

This is really the only time he has not been involved in an argument between my MIL and myself. This seems to be a very sensitive subject for his mom and he doesn't want to upset her by making her feel like he's taking a side. I know he would never let his mom do something to our child that I didnt want done and I totally understand him not wanting to hurt her feelings.

Yes they did bring up the 6 weeks in bed and I told them that I appreciated it very much but that the first week the baby is home we would like to be alone b/c Dh works about 65-70 hrs a week and he is taking a week vacation when the baby is born. So I dont want a bunch of people there while we are trying to bond with the baby. My poor husband will only get a small period of time with her before he goes back to work so having 8-10 people there a day is OUT OF THE QUESTION! I told them if they want to visit then to give us a call and if we were up to it then they were more then welcome to come over. My husband has also brought up having his mom and sister in the room. We are allowed 4 people max not counting Dh. I already told him that I am not comfortable with having them in the room at all. He understands and we decided not to hurt anyones feelings so we told both our families that only Dh was going to be in the room!

well I just want to say THANK YOU everyone! I feel better knowing I'm not alone and that there is a light on the other side of all of this. I just hope when the baby comes things calm down between my MIL and myself! THANKS AGAIN!