[Nathan]

The 1990 census revealed that about 5.5 million married-couple households contain at least one stepchild under the age of eighteen. This constitutes 29% of all married-couple households with children. Further, stepchildren make up 20% of all children in married couple families. Moreover, in 1990, it was projected that the rate of divorce for couples married in the 1980s would be 50%. Thus, as we approach the year 2000, the percentage of stepchildren living in married couple families is expected to grow to 33%.

What responsibilites do you think stepparents have to support their steppchildren before and after the marriage?

Here's a good article that covers case law in the 50 states and DC.

http://childsupportguidelines.com/ar...art199908.html

[nicki]

I'm assuming, by the article, that you mean financial support.
Personally I am against a required financial support provision for step-parents. I believe that, for children who are born to two parents, divorced or otherwise, those two parents have an obligation to fully support and raise those children. If they were married, they would be expected to both preform this duty. Likewise, after divorce they should be required to continue preforming this duty until their children are adults.

I believe step-parent contributions should be optional in all circumstances. There are enough burdens of blending, paying out child support, etc. Many step-parents I know are only hanging on by a thread, emotionally. If they had to also pay child support for their spouse's child or bear the burden of financially supporting someone else's child, I think it would be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I think divorce rates would sky-rocket. I would be interested to see a side-by-side analysis of those 20 states that do require step-parent financial support compared to the 30 that don't.

[seeemilywrite]

I think that it ddepends on the situation. I have a step mother. If for instance my father had died while I was still young, I would have expected my step mother to use some of my fathers inheritance to support my brother aand I. My mom was counting on my fathers child support and should she have inherited all of is $$or control over it, she should have helped. She had no other children.

[nicki]

Originally Posted by seeemilywrite

I think that it ddepends on the situation. I have a step mother. If for instance my father had died while I was still young, I would have expected my step mother to use some of my fathers inheritance to support my brother aand I. My mom was counting on my fathers child support and should she have inherited all of is $$or control over it, she should have helped. She had no other children.

I live in a state that does not legally force financial support for step-children. In this state, biological parents who divorce are required to carry life insurance and list their child as the beneficiary on a portion of the policy. In that situation, the biological parent, deceased, woudl still be providing for the biological cihld and the step-parent would be provided for separately. This is how my husband's policy is set up.

[writehandgirl]

Originally Posted by seeemilywrite

I think that it ddepends on the situation. I have a step mother. If for instance my father had died while I was still young, I would have expected my step mother to use some of my fathers inheritance to support my brother aand I. My mom was counting on my fathers child support and should she have inherited all of is $$or control over it, she should have helped. She had no other children.

I believe that if a stepparent spent years thinking they could be the authority figure in that child's life and had the right to tell them what to do and when to do it, they better be ready to pay up.

[floridamama]

My husband has been a father figure (the only one ever) to my daughter since she was 3 years old! She is now 11. Her biological dad had nothing to do with us, and has since passed away. My dh has been the only "Daddy" this child has ever known. Not only is he raising her (financially as well as emotionally) but he disciplines her, helps her with her homework, takes her on date nights etc...
We have a good marriage. It has it's issues and I don't see divorce in our future. But, God forbid, if that were to ever happen...he would continue to be her Dad. In all ways! He would get visitation with her as well as her siblings. He'd also be financially responsible, to a degree, for her. He loves her and considers her to be his own.
I adore this man!

[writehandgirl]

Originally Posted by floridamama

My husband has been a father figure (the only one ever) to my daughter since she was 3 years old! She is now 11. Her biological dad had nothing to do with us, and has since passed away. My dh has been the only "Daddy" this child has ever known. Not only is he raising her (financially as well as emotionally) but he disciplines her, helps her with her homework, takes her on date nights etc...
We have a good marriage. It has it's issues and I don't see divorce in our future. But, God forbid, if that were to ever happen...he would continue to be her Dad. In all ways! He would get visitation with her as well as her siblings. He'd also be financially responsible, to a degree, for her. He loves her and considers her to be his own.
I adore this man!

I really believe that's one way to make a stepfamily work is if the stepparent comes into the picture VERY early in the child's life. Otherwise, the child has already become accustom to the people in their life.

[writerchick]

I think it's true that it depends on when the step-children come into the step-parents life, and what the situation with the other parent is. None of my step-children would expect any kind of support from me if something happened to their dad or if we divorced, because they have a mom, and my husband, as part of his divorce agreement, has a hefty life insurance policy that will pay out to his ex-wife for support of the kids. The emotional aspect is a different story. Could I just walk away emotionally? No way.

[cinderellastepmom]

Step parenting is a challenge. If you are lucky enough to have a non existent x in the picture and you step parent a young child then I believe it can be a rewarding and loving role. If there is a wicked x and/or spoiled step kids, then there will be a lot of trouble to sort through. I have the latter and have discovered that step kids can cause tons of turmoil. First of all, my stepkids are completely different than what I would have raised. My value system is different. They really don't have a value system so the best I can do for them is teach by example only. I believe in respect, appreciation, caring for family and taking pride in onself. I do not believe in tatoos at 13, multiple body piercings, running around with friends until 1 and 2 in morning, starting at age 13, stealing, lying, and on and on. Now as a step parent, how can I possibly tame that? I can't! So I cherish the time when they aren't here, lay low when they are, hide my possessions and/or things I don't want them to take. Sometimes I do forget and get lax and of course just when you start to let your hair down, BOOM, they steal something. I have provided them with the most amazing holidays, vacations, birthdays and given them love and encouragement. I do not discipline them in any way, shape or form. I only smile and walk away. I have learned that all that sweat to make things perfect for them is really a big waste of time. They do not value people or appreciate much of anything, they just expect it. Therefore, each holiday, vacation, and birthday get less and less attention from me. I will always remember them and be loving but I refuse to go overboard. My valuable time is better spent focused on those who love me. I am not here to analyze why they feel the way they do about anything. It is not the job of a step parent. If they are acting out, it is not my doing and their OWN birthparents need to figure it out. Hopefully, there can be some reward when they are grown and they can learn only positive things from me. When they look back, they can't ever say I did ANYTHING mean to them. All they will see me as, is a positive person who does not interfere when she shouldn't!

[Das]

My guy offered to support me & my son without hesitation.It's unlikely now my son will be with us but I am very blessed that he assumed to play that role.I would have offered the same in vice versa situation without second thought.