[beth]

Anyone going through the Empty Nest Syndrome? It can be unexpectantly painful when your children leave home and for some women, a period of sadnes, even depression, can result. I have written a series of blogs on the empty nest syndrome, how it manifests and most importantly, how to prevent it or at least minimize the emotional pain that can accompany your adult children leaving home. You can read the artices here.

[MissyChrissy]

Prevention is what I'm looking for---I get anxious just thinking about my kids growing up and leaving home. Their childhood is the best part of my life thus far...I can't imagine it without them at home.

[beth]

Hi Chrissy, I guess the fifth article in the series will be more pertinent to you. Enjoy your children in the present moment, even when they drive you up the wall. It's all part of the fun! Yet you must prepare for the inevitable -- that they will grow up and leave home. And hold onto the idea that this is what your job as a parent is. To create well-adjusted, fully functioning adults. They will come back home and keep in regular contact, have children of their own and you can then enjoy the whole cycle all over again. Mothers all over the world go through this process and have done for centuries.....we all get through it! But it can be both a sad and fulfillng experience.

[mcmama]

I miss my son, but I am so relieved at the freedom of finally living alone.

[beth]

Yes, that is the healthy endpoint to aim for!

[flowergardengirl]

I thought my heart was going to stop beating when my kids left. I cried for months. We were and are very close. Mine have both graduated and one is married. I wasn't at all prepared for the sadness that followed them leaving.
But....and it is a bright positive----life is so fun now too. I developed new interest and it is so easy to just come and go. I still worry about them as mothers do! In some ways, they need me now more than ever. You get close again and it's a very rewarding kind of relationship. If I had know when they left that I would feel this great, I could have saved myself all that pain.
Trust me---you are going to love it and it will be OK! If you want them to come visit---cook or take them out to eat. Boys especially will never say no to food.

[sunflowersweetie75]

Dealing with a MIL that is about to loose her only baby when we get married in November - right now she says she is ready for him to move out but she also says that she will probalby change her mind when the time comes for an empty room. We (fiance' and I) are trying to be supportive of her.....any ideas on how we can help her cope?

[flowergardengirl]

Sunflowersweetie, congrats and it's not long now I can see. I'm not sure if saying anything to her will help. Be nice and sweet of course as it seems you are doing. She's going to be sad and you two aren't responsible for that. My son got married last year---we love our new DIL! I have trained myself to give them space.
My DIL helps me just by giving me hugs and telling me she loves me. I also like it when she says her husband wouldn't be who he is if it weren't for my husband and I. So it's the words that she says that mean the most to me. We only talk about once every two weeks at times because we and they are busy. That's how it should be.
Oh and this might help---they only come over about once or twice a month. Sometimes it's on a week night so they can have the weekend to do stuff with other couples their age.
Don't feel guilty or unsure of anything. You and your husband need time to yourselves and this part of life is something us parents got to go through without making you feel so badly. If she chooses to express her sadness a lot more than normal---it's probably still best you just let it go and don't let it bother you. If you confront her about it---it will cause hurt feelings on an already open sore. Stay in her good graces. Your fiance will draw very close to you if he doesn't have the added stress of wondering about the feelings between his wife and mom.

[sunflowersweetie75]

Thanks - great advice - I agree that the less is more approach is the best way to go.

[beth]

Hi flowergardengirl, your relationship with your kids sounds lovely and you have successfully made the transition from mother to friend. How long do your estimate that it took you to get through the broken heart stage to the "hey, I'm enjoying this!" stage. As you may have read from the blogs on this topic, one "expert" site suggested grieving for any more than a week needed medical intervention! I'm taking it that you took a little longer. It would be great if you could share.
Thanks ,
Beth

Originally Posted by flowergardengirl

I thought my heart was going to stop beating when my kids left. I cried for months. We were and are very close. Mine have both graduated and one is married. I wasn't at all prepared for the sadness that followed them leaving.
But....and it is a bright positive----life is so fun now too. I developed new interest and it is so easy to just come and go. I still worry about them as mothers do! In some ways, they need me now more than ever. You get close again and it's a very rewarding kind of relationship. If I had know when they left that I would feel this great, I could have saved myself all that pain.
Trust me---you are going to love it and it will be OK! If you want them to come visit---cook or take them out to eat. Boys especially will never say no to food.