[pmrozik]

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this forum and this is my first post. I'm writing to get some advice from some of you out there who just might be in a similar situation as I'm having difficulty dealing with some things.

First off, I was raised in a dysfunctional family burdened with alcoholism. I've grown up to be an extremely independent person, but at the same time this has caused me to just take on too much and I need a little bit of help here.

The first thing is that I run my own business, and it's definitely not a 9 to 5. Recently I've been biting off way more than I can swallow and I had a record 18-hour workday. It was too much, I backed off a bit and things are okay I suppose.

The second thing is that on top of that, I'm trying to get through school which I *just* started and frankly, I don't have enough time.

The third thing is that I now have a family - sort of. I met someone about six months ago and she's got two kids, one of which lives with us and the other one comes in on the weekends. Generally there are no problems, but I need a little bit of advice on discipline because I'd like them to pitch in more.

I do all the shopping and I pay all the bills. My girlfriend really helps out at home but she has this weird schedule where she works from 9 to 9 for two days and then has two days off so on the days when she's not home I have to do things and I seriously just don't have the time at all.

I'd like to set up some rules for the kids at home though. Today for example the older one helped me out with the groceries, but then I noticed that he didn't make his bed and didn't throw out the trash. When I don't actually tell them what to do, they don't do it at all.

It's important for me to also say that the past week has been hectic and the next two will be as well since I'm doing some extra work, but things should settle down after that. Nevertheless, I'd like everything to go a little smoother.

I always wanted to have a nice tidy home and everything to be in order, but maybe I'm expecting too much? It seems like everyone else's home is always spic n span when I go there, but maybe it's just because guests will be arriving? Maybe everyone isn't so perfect after all?

Anyway, I'd appreciate any and all advice that you may have. The two most important things for me now are to finish school and to continue developing my business.

Paul

[browneyes01]

You could try to make up a chart that list chores that need to be done for the day and designate them to a certain person for that day and rotate the names so that everyone does that chore at some point. And if all chores are completed to your satifaction then they get some form of allowance at the end of the week kids need incentives. Praise them for when they do help out with stuff, so that they will help out more willingly. And who cares if your home is not in tip top shape all the time I tink the houses that are immaculately clean lack character and almost appear not lived in and your probably right when guest aren't coming over the house probably isn't so clean. Hope this help and it is okay to stop and breath sometimes.

[MomMimi]

Paul,

You are a wonderful person taking on way too much of the load. My husband has his own business and is the same way. He's too proud to ask others for help so he takes it all on by himself. I'm a stay-at-home mom and feel alone because my kids are grown, two of them in college, one of whom is away, one at home and one married son.
I've learned that kids do not do chores unless they are asked, and they have to get into a habit of it, first, before they will automatically do it on their own. Usually after 30 days of a habit, it will usually be enforced. Make calendars for both, if of age to help. But also, take the time to remind them the first month. Reward them with small things after the first week. Let them know in the beginning of the rewards. Perhaps, each month, the rewards get bigger and better. Make sure to switch around the chores so one is not doing the same all the time and they can take turns each week so it doesn't get boring. Make it fun to do these chores, too, like it's a game. Be creative, Paul.
On the weekends, do family things together, even if you only have an hour. They will respect you better, since you aren't their real dad. My married son is going through that with his "real" daughter, who is being raised by her "step father" who thinks he's her "real" dad.
Good luck. Please take the time to smell the roses and get little times of relaxation for yourself!

[Samual]

You will probably find until they have been doing a certain chore for quite a while, you will have to tell them to do it. Plus you have only known their mother for 6 months, so I assume her children for less, say bye bye to an always clean and tidy home too, its not going to happen.